Stupid personal problems

[Queen Kat]

My dad is an ISTJ, but somehow he thinks I'm absolutely similar to him. Well, when he does these loving but seemly unloving things he gets hysterical and starts yelling at me. That seems more like hateful to me. I don't understand why someone wouldn't want to get to know their children. In his case it would be more out of fear. I think he's afraid that I turn out to be completely different than him, but it's just the truth. Every time he sees a difference, he makes up excuses so these differences aren't valid anymore. He thinks I'll change and turn into him when I'm older anyway, which is not going to happen. We already used to be completely different types of children and completely different types of teenagers and so we'll probably also be totally different adults. My teachers all told me he probably would have this empty nest syndrome too, but I don't think it should be affecting me. I never asked to be an only child. Besides, we have a cat now, that cat is just like me, but then a little bit more violent.

 

[ThatGirl]

I am referring you to the first post in my blog.

Can't you see it my way. NT blogs.

 

[King sns]

My dad is an ISTJ, but somehow he thinks I'm absolutely similar to him. Well, when he does these loving but seemly unloving things he gets hysterical and starts yelling at me. That seems more like hateful to me. I don't understand why someone wouldn't want to get to know their children. In his case it would be more out of fear. I think he's afraid that I turn out to be completely different than him, but it's just the truth. Every time he sees a difference, he makes up excuses so these differences aren't valid anymore. He thinks I'll change and turn into him when I'm older anyway, which is not going to happen. We already used to be completely different types of children and completely different types of teenagers and so we'll probably also be totally different adults. My teachers all told me he probably would have this empty nest syndrome too, but I don't think it should be affecting me. I never asked to be an only child. Besides, we have a cat now, that cat is just like me, but then a little bit more violent.

Haha about the cat. That stuff about your dad makes a lot of sense. He doesn't get to know you because it's not on his mind. That's not what's important to him. Different priorities. What's very important to you is just not important to him. Yes, yelling is bad. I'm firmly against yelling men. That doesn't stop them from yelling, though! It's hard to have to live with a yeller, and he's probably yelling more lately if you are thinking about moving out. I never understood these guys that yell when things aren't completely in control all the time. You shouldn't let yourself be too affected by his empty nest syndrome. You've gotta leave sometime- it's not going to be easy for him no matter when you do it.

 

[Queen Kat]

Well, my dad always yelled at us. I can't remember when he didn't yell at us. But that doesn't matter, I always used to cry when he yelled, but I kind of got immune to it when I was 16. I still hate his blackmailing tendencies and the unsympathetic fact that he doesn't bother wanting to know his daughter.

 

[Tamske]

I planned that I'd finish a book I've been working on on the 10th of July, so I can send it to this sort of agency where they read it for you and tell you what's wrong with it and fix those things once I get my book back, so I can have it published before I go to college in September. BUT unfortunately some things get in the way. Once I start writing, my father demands me to go outside and do something because the weather is what he calls "lovely" (over 30 degrees Celsius, no wind, no rain, just plain hot and sticky) and that I shouldn't waste my time locking myself up in my room. As a result, I've only written 9 pages in the last week.

Nine pages is not such a bad result... On average days I write about 2000 words, which is about 3 pages. I try not to complain if I got only one page or even none.
Does your father know about your goal?
I can relate to this part... it's a common misunderstanding. He wants you to have fun - and he can't get into his head that you are having more fun if you're cooped up writing than if you are outside enjoying the sun. He should realize people like different things. But that's difficult. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that my husband likes to do the bookkeeping, for pity's sake!
If there are more people, I always have the feeling we have to do something together; that I shouldn't have fun all by myself when somebody else is there to play with. This is, of course, not true... I know... but I still want to do either something fun together, or something boring. If husband starts watching sports, I start cleaning - because I've got to do something boring too. And then he feels guilty I'm working when he's having fun...
Luckily we have our tactless Thinker way to talk such things out!
I try to do the cleaning when he's working and write when he's watching sports, but for some reason or another I've still got difficulties breaking out of the elementary school kid pattern - when there are friends, you must play together.

 

[Betty Blue]

My dad is an ISTJ, but somehow he thinks I'm absolutely similar to him. Well, when he does these loving but seemly unloving things he gets hysterical and starts yelling at me. That seems more like hateful to me. I don't understand why someone wouldn't want to get to know their children. In his case it would be more out of fear. I think he's afraid that I turn out to be completely different than him, but it's just the truth. Every time he sees a difference, he makes up excuses so these differences aren't valid anymore. He thinks I'll change and turn into him when I'm older anyway, which is not going to happen. We already used to be completely different types of children and completely different types of teenagers and so we'll probably also be totally different adults. My teachers all told me he probably would have this empty nest syndrome too, but I don't think it should be affecting me. I never asked to be an only child. Besides, we have a cat now, that cat is just like me, but then a little bit more violent.

It seems he is trying to live through you and is afraid of loosing control. I think it may be common for ISTJ's to hold tighter when they feel their grip is slipping. It might be good if you post in the "ask an ISTJ" thread to get a perspective on how he is feeling and how you can communicate your needs effectively.
I think you do really need to move out as it seems you are very unhappy with your situation. You are 18 so legally you can go if you want to, maybe he needs reassuring that you are being sensible about everything. Be direct with him ISTJ's appreciate that.

 

[Queen Kat]

My dad has enough reassurence. I've stayed home alone already three times when he went on a holiday and every time I take extremely great care of myself, the house and the cat, much better then he does. This august my parents let me stay at home again and I'm sure this time won't turn out to be a disaster. I don't just do this because I don't want to spend my summer getting skin cancer on a foreign beach, but also to show him I can take care of myself and the household and the cat. He sees the result, but he ignores it and he makes up ridiculous excuses like "You can't live on your own! I've never lived on my own either!" (he moved out when he was nearly 26 after he married my mom). He's just a saddening old guy. When I saw him yesterday evening I realized what a depressing figure he actually is.

Well, the 9 pages a week is dissappointing to me. When I'm really inspired, I can write 12pages in one night. Of course, I have to do some correction work later on and in the end I throw away more than the half of it. My dad doesn't know about this and if he did he wouldn't accept it. "Only one in a million get their books published!" He tried to write a book himself before I was born, but he didn't get a professional to correct it and he try to get it published with only one publisher. I think that means he didn't really want it, otherwhise he would have tried to fix his work and send it to many other publishers. JK Rowling got rejected over and over again and look where she is right now!

 

[King sns]

Well, do you think we've reached a conclusion about your problems?
Is getting away from your family and continuing with your plan going to help your depression?

 

[Queen Kat]

Well, hopefully. Yesterday I presented my escape plan to my mother and she understood why I made it. She even said she knew it would be good for me. When I told her about what dad said about moving out ("Moving out and living on your own is bad because I never did it either") she said that not everything my dad has ever done is a good thing, because otherwhise he would never have become a pathetic old man like this. No now I'll just sign up at this place where they search houses for students and hope I can move out as soon as possible. Maybe I'll work even harder the first few months so I can go away even quicker.