It's such a shameful problem.

[Litvyak]

You remind me of the Elegy of Fortinbras, somehow.

"... Anyhow you had to perish Hamlet you were not for life
you believed in crystal notions not in human clay
always twitching as if asleep you hunted chimeras
wolfishly you crunched the air only to vomit
you knew no human thing you did not know even how to breathe..."

 

[thisGuy]

what if you get involved in something to take your mind off it...?

take up a new project, something that really really interests you
or go do something fun and physicall tiring like going swimming, going to the gym...? the possibilities are endless

empty mind is the devil's workshop

 

[Haphazard]

I want to pass out. Because then it will be over.

But I'm not supposed to, apparently. This is bad, bad, bad. You're supposed to stay conscious no matter what. Because otherwise this thing will kill you. Because, otherwise, it's not so big of a deal, it's just another thing to be mocked for, because we hate weakness, especially physical weakness, especially mental weakness that comes from physical weakness, oh it's so funny when people faint at blood, haha, gives you every right to draw all over their face, put them in positions, leave them bleeding, because they don't deserve anything, because they shouldn't have done it in the first place, it's their own damn fault own damn fault own damn fault...

 

[Tycho]

The emotion that you feel towards yourself, your own existence, can never be right, and can never be wrong. You can aswell cease to have them as they're useless.

I may be wrong but it seems you have stopped identifying yourself with your nerves, intellectually, but not fully, because you still undergo whatever they impose on you. It is one thing to say "I am just bound to live whatever my nerves come up with it" but at the same time you realise that this rational point of view does influence your emotional experience.

But if you really don't identify yourself with your nerves, you can observe any feeling that pops up, whether it be shame, whether it be pride, and laugh at it. You can develop an attitude of good will towards yourself, rationally even if you're not able to experience that emotionally; the emotional experience will come as a result.

 

[Haphazard]

The feeling that your brain's swimming that your blood is sloshing around in your body, even though it's really an impossible movement considering pressure, the stunnedness that comes with a stabbing, the cold that creeps up your stomach and down your throat, the blinds and darkness that creep up behind your eyes...

the nerves that feel those things. Those kinds of nerves. They do as they please. Can I control them any more than I do how my intestines decide to disagree with onions?

 

[Tycho]

The feeling that your brain's swimming that your blood is sloshing around in your body, even though it's really an impossible movement considering pressure, the stunnedness that comes with a stabbing, the cold that creeps up your stomach and down your throat, the blinds and darkness that creep up behind your eyes...

the nerves that feel those things. Those kinds of nerves. They do as they please. Can I control them any more than I do how my intestines decide to disagree with onions?

That is not a feeling, but an intuition. The feeling is resentment, hate, shame.

Cold, the absence of warmth, is not a feeling, it's a sensation. If you stand outside, shivering, most people would say that the appropriate feeling is "god damn it, I must get in". But it's actually that thought that causes us negative stress, not the sensation itself. You may not have a free will but your brain is stil able to learn quite well. I'm sure that you are able to experience peace in the middle of an unpleasant experience if you look at it in a different way. If your brain embraces it as one of its goals to experience life in a more positive way (so it develops a rational attitude of good will), then ultimately the negative circuits will be accessed less often.

I think your brain is perfectly able to look at your intuitions in a more neutral way. Myself, I don't believe in free will either. So yes, I'm able to think that way about myself, as a slave of my feelings, as something bound to just undergo life.. But rationally I don't attach any particular importance to the feelings that respond to that idea; that is something I have learned. By altering the way I look at it, I have come to seek hapiness outside of myself or my own judgement of my situation. And so the nerves that used to form feelings about myself, became inactive. However, I do have a rich feeling life, I feel a lot of love, but for others, not myself.

I think you are rationally capable of realising that self-torture is useless, as you're probably a smart person, and this realisation can be enough to alter your experience of life in a positve way.

 

[Haphazard]

The sensation is the one that started it.

 

[Haphazard]

How is it not a sensation! The sensation started it! It really did!

 

[Haphazard]

the more I try to distract myself, the harder it hits me when I find it again...