Just your pride f#+@ing with you.

[ThatGirl]

Okay I don't really care what type this sounds like, I have a problem.

I find it incredibly difficult to stand taking orders...from anyone. Not that I am incapable of following instruction, if it seems like the beneficial thing to do. But when people just change shit, boss around and micro manage for no good reason, I find it almost next to impossible to keep my mouth shut. If I am in a position where due to semantics, I am forced to either remain silent, or worse speaking up will cause consequence, I end up saying fuck you all and walking away from the situation completely no matter the cost.

I can't stand it! Not even a little. I am at work and I am currently in a position where I want to scream at about three people "do NOT tell me what I need to be doing for you, do your OWN fucking job or pay me more!"

I feel like I have been taken advantage of and neglected (asked for a raise and was blown off) I am staring at the door right now thinking this job is not offering me anything unique or worth my putting up with such crap.

It is frustrating, trying to be a good girl and keep my mouth shut. It is also frustrating to start over because I never have any patience.

How do you deal with situations like these?

 

[disregard]

If your environment is the problem, leave.
If you are the problem, change.

Only two options.

This comes from experience, not simply a theory lacking real-world testing.

 

[ThatGirl]

That is useless. I refuse to believe that there are ever only two options. There is a better one. I haven't thought of yet. I think I am going to stay after work and give my boss an ultimatum. I just found out they always had two people doing my job till I came. They pay me for one, they can give me a raise so I wouldn't have to work two jobs. Or they can kiss my ass.

 

[JoSunshine]

Hey ThatGirl :hi: Thanks again for taking the time to post to my "help with an EnTJ" thread. Your advice was helpful and I thought I would at least try to return the favor while relating back to that post...

I finally mended fences with my EnTJ friend...I will try to keep my sarcastic comments to a minimum when I feel attacked by her (so hard - it's a well-established defense) and she will try to let me know what she needs from me or if I am not meeting her needs before she explodes on me. So we actually ended up coming up with a resolution on how I should handle things when she is upset that will make her feel validated.

Point being, you expressed that you have some issues with how people are behaving at your job. I don't know if you have spoken to people, co-workers or superiors...who ever has the ability to effect change (whether it be by making a personal change or a systematic change). It is possible that some people don't know they are bothering you or that there is even an issue. It may be plain as day to you, but the other person may be oblivious. Sometimes if we give people a chance to succeed, they actually will. Sometimes they won't despite our best efforts to try to improve things, in which case the only options are to accept the situation or make a change. I know this doesn't help with the raise situation since you already asked about that, but maybe there is some hope in people department. I don't mean getting all touchy feely about things...but simply asking for "a clearer breakdown of responsibility becuase there seems to be some confusion within the department" just as an example obviously, since I don't know the exact situation.

^That's how I handle situation like yours. I figure I can't be mad at someone for not meeting my needs or expectations if I don't tell them what they are...but I always wait until I am calm so I don't accidenally punch someone in the face.

EDIT: Just read your last post...sorry, it wasn't there when I typed this message. In that case, I think asking for (and expecting a raise is fine). Ultimatums often results in a power struggle...which you have to be prepared to loose. Suzy Orman (I think that is how you spell her name) has advice on how to effectively ask for a raise. If your ultimate goal is to get a raise and continue working there, I would say google for advice and how to get a raise, sleep on it and talk to your boss tomorrow. You can't unring a bell, but if you have reached your threashold and feel comfortable you won't regret the decision...ding, dong.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Okay I don't really care what type this sounds like, I have a problem.

I find it incredibly difficult to stand taking orders...from anyone. Not that I am incapable of following instruction, if it seems like the beneficial thing to do. But when people just change shit, boss around and micro manage for no good reason, I find it almost next to impossible to keep my mouth shut. If I am in a position where due to semantics, I am forced to either remain silent, or worse speaking up will cause consequence, I end up saying fuck you all and walking away from the situation completely no matter the cost.

I can't stand it! Not even a little. I am at work and I am currently in a position where I want to scream at about three people "do NOT tell me what I need to be doing for you, do your OWN fucking job or pay me more!"

I feel like I have been taken advantage of and neglected (asked for a raise and was blown off) I am staring at the door right now thinking this job is not offering me anything unique or worth my putting up with such crap.

It is frustrating, trying to be a good girl and keep my mouth shut. It is also frustrating to start over because I never have any patience.

How do you deal with situations like these?

I experience this so much. My entp brother always manages his way out of things (in really obvious ways too) leaving me to do it. The problem is that he is too stubborn to change and is willing to go through hell to hold on to his opinions. And even the littlest of schemes to get out of work don't escape me. He feels like he's the boss, whilest in reality he's just a tool. The main issue is that work needs to be done. And I am not affront to work. So I'll do what needs to be done and constantly have to swallow my pride in order to keep things running. I'm immune to stress and have no issue remaining calm. Unlike my brother who stresses out whenever it gets too much for him. (And too much for him is not a whole lot.)

So I deal with it through priority. I can stand my ground and go against him and risk fracturing a work relationship that, regardless of his uselessness, is important to me. Or I can do what I must in order to maintain a working relationship that works beneficially to the company, and thus ultimatly, to my future.

It can get frustrated from time to time, because he schemes even about the littlest, most utterly useless, things. And that can really creep me out from time to time. But I don't show it. All in themselves, they are too small of issues to risk the big picture for. And I've learned to be forgetful of these events in order to prevent myself from accumelating all the tiny drops into one bit bowl of rage.

The positive side is, I know how he is, I understand why he is the way he is. So I expect him to be just that. And thus, my pride is still in tact. Since I clearly put myself above him. Even though he views so differently. I'm the oil that runs the company.

 

[Anastar]

My father was ENTJ and he had to become his own boss because he couldn't stand taking orders from those he felt were incompetent or inefficient. I think it really grates on you guys to have to take orders or be micromanaged. Try to re-evaluate your long-term goals and what you want for yourself. It might help in diffusing your anger a bit when you encounter a troublesome situation.

 

[garbage]

That is useless. I refuse to believe that there are ever only two options. There is a better one. I haven't thought of yet. I think I am going to stay after work and give my boss an ultimatum. I just found out they always had two people doing my job till I came. They pay me for one, they can give me a raise so I wouldn't have to work two jobs. Or they can kiss my ass.

I'm inclined to agree. The third option is to work within your environment to change it.

I was in a similar position, where I was dissatisfied with my job and wasn't quite sure what to do. I got the short end of the stick, where others around me were paid more to do less work. I was micromanaged; our subcontractor expected me in my cubicle, literally for the sake of having me occupy that cubicle. The work was mind-numbing and meaningless anyway. I've posted about it before. I managed to get interviews and job offers with other companies, I had printouts of equivalent positions with more pay, and so on.

I prepared myself to either stay with my employer or to take another position, but to do the former meant that I had to tackle the problem from the inside.

So, I just laid out the facts behind the situation. I phrased it in my boss's terms, not mine. The various figures and numbers I pulled were mere facts. They illustrated the point that, if we continued to pay less for the same kinds of work, our organization could not grow. They would lose people like me. And so on and so forth.

I ended up getting a raise and a lot more flexibility as a result.


A huge part of this process is about knowing what exactly you're worth and leveraging it.

In your case, if they have had to pay two people to do the job that one is currently doing, then you're saving them and are therefore valuable to them. You may as well take advantage of that, but don't be too disagreeable about it. Tact goes a long way in these sorts of negotiations--as JoSunshine says, they might not even be aware of the problem, so it would not be fair or productive to treat them as though they do.

Perhaps, then, focusing on what they stand to gain is very important. You're still communicating indirectly what you want, too, and you're probably more likely to get it.

 

[disregard]

I'm not as optimistic as the rest of you.

Changing institutions that work for the people in charge hasn't been the easiest thing in my experience.

 

[garbage]

I'm not as optimistic as the rest of you.

Changing institutions that work for the people in charge hasn't been the easiest thing in my experience.

The reality is that it isn't always possible. It tends to work a lot better in smaller institutions where there are fewer bureaucratic hurdles, a more direct link to the top of the hierarchy, and more of a chance for your employer to be flexible. Moreover, any given individual person tends to have more clout in a smaller institution, so sometimes employers will be forced to budge.

It's usually worth a shot before you leave for good, though.. but sometimes it isn't. It's definitely situational.

However, I will say that I've had similar 'victories' all around in the face of others' perceptions of futility. Others in my organization told me not to even bother trying to ask for a full-time position because I didn't have a Ph.D. like everyone else did. I was told not to bother asking for my raise and promotion. I was told not to bother asking to handle marketing and business responsibilities because of my lack of experience. I was told that I shouldn't try to get my job title changed to reflect who I am. And so on and so forth.

So, I suppose it's possible that many just give up on the option of internal change all too early.