Creating Positivity

[Siúil a Rúin]

I have noticed a variety of posters that describe a wish for less negativity whether this is directed at a particular personality type, MBTI function, vulnerable poster, or whomever. It seems to be a relatively common sentiment, prevalent enough to make me wonder. For each poster that dislikes some aspect of conflict or negativity, we see a poster who probably prefers a more positive approach and peacefulness.

Most everyone can see how to establish a negative vibe by entering into flame wars, group smack-downs, complaining, stereotyping, venting, etc. How does a person make an environment more positive? Is it based on strategies in how to react to negativity? Are there thread topics likely to generate a happier mood? Does it help to overlook negativity? Does it help to step in and stop it before it spirals to a point of damage? For any poster who wishes for something positive that you don't encounter I have a question. How might one go about making that wish a reality?

Comments can apply to forums or irl.

 

[Unkindloving]

I've found that a lot of my negativity comes with things i haven't accepted or can't come to terms with. I don't act like the things don't exist or as though they aren't negative, but i prefer to put a positive spin on it.
If i come across something negative then i'll acknowledge what it is, maybe even recognize in partaking in it (or that i might partake), and then tell myself how i'll utilize it in a positive way.
Ex: A friend lies incessantly and doesn't rectify the issue, but is pleasant on the surface. Eventually, said friendship dwindles and you're left with loss because of what meshed on the surface. You can dwell on the loss or acknowledge that it's disappointing, recognize the benefits of desiring more depth/honesty, and utilize toward other friendships or future friendships.

A lot of the people i've come across are just fond of dwelling far too much or brushing things under the rug too quickly to even understand them.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

This would be a hard task for me. I might go insane.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Grr I wasn't paying attention. THere was another thread called "positivity challenge" or something like that. Now THAT's an impossible task.

 

[SillySapienne]

By being positive, one naturally affects their environment positively.

As trite as this might sound...

Change starts with yourself.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I've found that a lot of my negativity comes with things i haven't accepted or can't come to terms with. I don't act like the things don't exist or as though they aren't negative, but i prefer to put a positive spin on it.
If i come across something negative then i'll acknowledge what it is, maybe even recognize in partaking in it (or that i might partake), and then tell myself how i'll utilize it in a positive way.
Ex: A friend lies incessantly and doesn't rectify the issue, but is pleasant on the surface. Eventually, said friendship dwindles and you're left with loss because of what meshed on the surface. You can dwell on the loss or acknowledge that it's disappointing, recognize the benefits of desiring more depth/honesty, and utilize toward other friendships or future friendships.

A lot of the people i've come across are just fond of dwelling far too much or brushing things under the rug too quickly to even understand them.

I think this last sentence is a central nerve for society as a whole, not just an individual group of people on or offline. After the World Wars there was a great deal of white-washing and hiding a lot of horrible things. Now it seems as though people are almost afraid of anything positive, as though by its nature it must be a lie. There is a kind of deep cynicism that seems to be alright with distorting reality into a negative or more fearful spin. It is quite possible to create negative lies to distract from other truths. That is basically the core of stereotyping and prejudice. Pleasant lies are destructive - there is no question about it, but I find the negative lies are equally destructive, and possibly moreso in many cases.

SS is right about starting with oneself. There does seem to be an overwhelmingly powerful force to mirror back whatever is presented to a person. If someone makes a snarky remark, it seems like the other person *has* to respond similarly. Sometimes that mirroring works with positivity (but can take longer if the person is misinterpreting it as negative). There is a strong drive to create balance by pushing back with equal force when presented with negativity, but I wonder if that creates balance or if it is an example of the contagious nature of human interaction instead creating greater imbalance.

Sometimes I get the feeling that people (perhaps the majority) typically desire fairness, honesty, and peace, but end up with antagonism and a negatively distorted reality in an attempt to be safe from a lack of those positive qualities. It is as though fear creates its own self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm beginning to think that if we were all capable of getting a more complete sense of each person we encounter, it would become apparent there is no need to make a judgment or punishment perpetuating the negativity, but realize that there is greater strength is finding their deeper strength and ideals and connecting to that instead.

 

[Zoom]

For any poster who wishes for something positive that you don't encounter I have a question. How might one go about making that wish a reality?

Comments can apply to forums or irl.

The most effective strategy does seem to be the old adage, to lead by example.

But it is very long-term, and many might not have the patience initially to see its effects through. It can end up being tiring, and feel like one is constantly trying to fill up a well with a sieve at the bottom when others don’t return the same positivity. Often they forget that they themselves are just as important in this equation – being warm inside, smiling at others genuinely, there is real power in that.

Also, most people can love the idea of something – but putting it into practice, when real work becomes involved, their momentum is lost to the winds.

Find what one really, truly wishes to affect seems key. Realising that this is not a quick fix, and starting small, with something that is more likely to give back at least a bit – fixing the forums, for instance, is not a one-woman job. Certain people (if that is one’s focus) are much more receptive to positivity – they just need a bit of sun and water to bloom properly, if ye get my meaning.

Does it help to overlook negativity? Does it help to step in and stop it before it spirals to a point of damage?

Yes and yes, on a personal level. Leaving negative thoughts to fester simply leads to them burning a hole in one's psyche, large or small. Overlooking negativity, however, is not openly ignoring it but acknowledging it and telling a close friend exactly why it won't have power over them. Not commanding or condescending, but sharing the fire of action with them - simply making them aware that they can do something, that one will help, and making fun at the expense of the problem can do wonders, from what I've noticed.

 

[TickTock]

You can't control the moods of others, the important thing is to cultivate your own well being. When you come from a place of having a strong, positive internal structure the negativeness of others affects you less and less. The negativeness becomes someone elses problem even when it seems like a "personal" attack. Like follows like, and positive people gravitate to other positive people and tend to steer clear of negative people. Likewise, misery likes miserable company. The offshoot of that is it is difficult for negative people to step put of the spiral as it becomes the world they know, and it can take a lot of courage to take steps to change ones life. As has been said you can only lead by example, don't let them get you down, it is very often part of a bigger picture in their life. Someone said to me recently after someone had been rude to me, "how could you remain so calm?" and there is only one answer, they have to be that person all the time, whereas it's only a 30 second interaction for me - if anything I feel sorry for them it doesn't invoke anger at all.

Nb: this doesn't mean I am completely negative free, but I am working on it.

 

[nolla]

Sometimes I get the feeling that people (perhaps the majority) typically desire fairness, honesty, and peace, but end up with antagonism and a negatively distorted reality in an attempt to be safe from a lack of those positive qualities. It is as though fear creates its own self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm beginning to think that if we were all capable of getting a more complete sense of each person we encounter, it would become apparent there is no need to make a judgment or punishment perpetuating the negativity, but realize that there is greater strength is finding their deeper strength and ideals and connecting to that instead.

Yeah, people are scared and mess up their lives trying to protect themselves. If they could see more of themselves, they could see their negativity and it's causes. But it takes time, and people don't have time. The key to positivity is to be positive, it's really that simple, but there are obstacles, huge obstacles. Fear is the enemy.

Someone said to me recently after someone had been rude to me, "how could you remain so calm?" and there is only one answer, they have to be that person all the time, whereas it's only a 30 second interaction for me - if anything I feel sorry for them it doesn't invoke anger at all.

Funny and true.

Edit. I started thinking about the so called positive tv programs. Say, Queer Eye. They are all enthusiastic but they are faking the positivity. This doesn't work... Many people can be more positive than that even with a straight face and monotonous voice. Positivity really needs to be real. Btw, there aren't many programs that are even trying to be positive. I know only one that really seems to work for me. Mythbusters.