I've had anxiety problems as far back as I can remember, but only during the past few years have I had full-on attacks. Up until about maybe 4 years ago, I never really felt any emotion at all, and what few emotions I felt were very low in degree. I don't know what started it, but somewhere around that point I started being able to actually feel things (I have no idea why, nothing in my life changed at all.), and it just progressed more and more. Now that I look back on the past few years, it really seems like my anxiety problems were getting worse right along with it. Even though I'm a very stable person who can stay mentally calm in tense situations...my body reacts as if I'm not. It's really frustrating.
I've been having panic attacks on and off for the past few years, where I would totally randomly get all shaky and tingly/numb, hyperventilate, heart pounding, really sweaty palms, vision darkening and almost pass out....even though I was not even freaking out about anything in my head, or thinking about anything in particular really. It could happen even when I'm just relaxing reading a book, or walking around in a store shopping. They last anywhere from about 30 minutes to an hour, with the more intense periods lasting from at least 15 minutes to about 30.
I also have been having totally random depressive episodes during this same time, where I seriously could not even think clearly, like my mind was in a fog, and I would feel weak to the point of being unable to do things I normally would have no problem with (like lifting and pushing, or walking up/down stairs;
psychomotor retardation fits exactly what I've experienced), and I would talk about things (through texting) to one of my coworkers that seriously disturbed her because of how depressing and borderline suicidal it was, that I would have little to no memory of doing the following day. Apparently I've done that with a few of my online friends as well. Anyways, these episodes have happened at any and every time of day, and last at least for the rest of the day, anywhere up to maybe a week...? I'm not sure, there never really is a noticeable end. I have persisting depression symptoms, which sometimes degrade nearly into anhedonia even outside of a noticeably worse episode of depression (what I mean by that is where I basically lose control of my mind and can't do what I need to, like I am outside of my mind watching all this happen and can't do anything about it, where all I can do is just barely force myself to carry on if I'm at work cause I feel dead and have no energy/strength and I end up not getting hardly anything done, or if I'm at home I just lie on my bed doing nothing). My memory (both short and long-term) has been getting suckier too, and I have problems concentrating on and off.
One incident I remember which probably was a panic attack is when I had cut the tip of my finger pretty badly at work with a knife (which was fortunately very sharp, so it healed up nicely). I felt the cut and was like "Crap..." and just quickly took off my gloves and held it under cold water putting pressure on it, and told a supervisor about it, and I was just standing there calmly until someone could help me. Then the next thing I know, I'm on the floor looking up at several people, cause apparently I passed out, and was extremely pale. I was really confused cause I was calm about the whole thing and I'm not even afraid of seeing blood at all.
As for the more direct physiological causes, I've had all sorts of testing to see if I have hypoglycemia or diabetes (including a 72-hour monitored fast), and all of them came back negative. My TSH is also in the normal range at 0.85, and I have no heart problems.
A few months ago, out of nowhere I started having attacks pretty much every other day for about a month and a half, and then I just couldn't take it any more and went to my doctor (where I had all those tests and more done), and was put on buspirone (I haven't had any attacks since I started taking it.), and more recently a low dose of sertraline. I haven't had the full neuropsych testing done yet so I can get a formal diagnosis, that won't happen until September unfortunately, but my doctor has said that I most likely have generalized anxiety disorder and asperger syndrome, and I definitely have clinical depression (I knew I had depression before that though.).
Another thing that's odd is that when I started having those attacks and bouts of depression, I randomly started having stomach problems, heartburn and acid reflux, I'd get full way faster than I used to, and I would get retching stomach pain from eating things that shouldn't cause pain whatsoever like bananas and avocado (they aren't acidic or hard to digest or anything, so wtf), even though I used to eat them all the time, and I also used to eat fresh citrus fruit a lot too, especially pineapple, and I used to drink milk, and then suddenly if I ate/drank as much of that as I used to, I would almost throw up (I did once.), and even very little of it would give me heartburn.
I've had plenty of tests to see what the heck is causing all that, including an endoscopy, and according to them nothing is wrong at all....I hate it cause it kinda gets in the way of me wanting to eat healthier. I do still eat very healthy, but I can't eat a lot of the healthy stuff I used to be able to. Oh and I also lost 20 pounds since I started having stomach problems, which doesn't make sense cause I made up for not being able to eat as much at once by eating more frequently, and my overall diet and activity level didn't change. I'm right in the middle of my bmi range though, so I guess that's ok...
I really hate the randomness of it all and the fact that no explanation has been found yet, even though I've been going to appointments and stuff on and off for almost a year now (with lots of waiting in between). Hopefully the medication I'm on is helping, but time will tell cause there have been periods where I'd go months between attacks, and I've only been on it for about 2 months so far, so I could possibly have one at any time.
Fun stuff....