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Discover your values

proximo

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Nov 4, 2009
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F's are driven by their values, so they tend to know what they are.

I've only just started to figure out what the word actually even means. But I was reading this, and I realised the guy's basically talking about T's (mostly men) getting in touch with their F side.

So I thought I'd post it, and see what y'all think of it. Maybe we could all do the exercise and post what we come up with :)
 

MonkeyGrass

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Jun 13, 2009
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infj
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Interesting article, Proximo! I only had a chance to skim, so I won't comment yet, but I'll come back later.
 

proximo

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I'm thinking about it, and feeling like I must be the most apathetic jerk in the world, that I can't think of anything that I care about enough to base my life decisions on it!!

Either that, or the biggest emotional retard ever! Where the fuck's my F? Did anybody see my F? You - have you hidden it?

:cry:
 

Night

Boring old fossil
Joined
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4,755
MBTI Type
INTJ
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Proxy, you're turning into an EFJ.
 

MonkeyGrass

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I'm thinking about it, and feeling like I must be the most apathetic jerk in the world, that I can't think of anything that I care about enough to base my life decisions on it!!

Either that, or the biggest emotional retard ever! Where the fuck's my F? Did anybody see my F? You - have you hidden it?

:cry:

Wait....theeere it is. You found it. ;)
 

proximo

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Nov 4, 2009
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:laugh:

Night - that's enough of your cheek, young man! Heheh... anyway, you don't agree then, that the article raises some good points or that it might be worth doing that little exercise?
 

Night

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No, it makes good points.

I just like to sucker punch.
 

proximo

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Nov 4, 2009
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No, it makes good points.

I just like to sucker punch.

Butt-munch!

Okay, so far I've got ...integrity. I mean, as something I value very much. It's the one that stands out the most off the list there, anyway.

Nobody else having a try? Chickens!

Wait....theeere it is. You found it. ;)

Nah, that was just fake emotion, for comic effect :D
 

Lady_X

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the idea that someone wouldn't base decisions on their values completely baffles me!
 

proximo

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the idea that someone wouldn't base decisions on their values completely baffles me!

Yes, okay, Effster. :dry:

Are you one of those people who goes up to insomniacs and says "I don't get it myself, I mean I'm always out like a light as soon as my head touches the pillow!"?
 

Lady_X

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Yes, okay, Effster. :dry:

Are you one of those people who goes up to insomniacs and says "I don't get it myself, I mean I'm always out like a light as soon as my head touches the pillow!"?

haha...maaaaybe :smile:
 

wolfy

awsm
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Jun 30, 2008
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I was thinking the other day on this whole values thing. If I built a value for thinking like a thinker that would short fuse my feeling. Giving me the ability to change type at will.

I've tried doing values like that but get blocked massively.
 

proximo

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Nov 4, 2009
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I was thinking the other day on this whole values thing. If I built a value for thinking like a thinker that would short fuse my feeling. Giving me the ability to change type at will.

I've tried doing values like that but get blocked massively.

I'm sorry - did you lapse into a foreign language or some ancient dialect there? :shock:
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
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Jun 23, 2008
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Reaction without reading other responses:

My core values are:

balance
confidence
creativity (but working on that one - it does not come naturally)
discipline (working on that one as well - in some areas good, others not)
education (BIGGGGGG)
family
financial security (minor as compared with others, but still necessary)
freedom
fulfillment
growth
health (only because it is necessary)
honesty
independence
integrity
kindness (sometimes, depending on if the person is an asshole or not)
knowledge (BIG)
marriage (because I'm married)
peace of mind (good)
reason (lack of reason is crap)
self-reliance
success
truth
wisdom (good but need to work on that)
 

Mole

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Messages
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the idea that someone wouldn't base decisions on their values completely baffles me!

I found it useful to think of my values as what I think is worth doing.

And of course once I know what is worlth doing then I can start to work out how to do it.

So far, what I think is worth doing is learning mutual empathy, learning mutual creativity and mutual dance.

And then the next interesting question is, how can I do these three worthwhile things?

And so far, I haven't figured out how to do these things but I have found some things that hinder or stop me.

One of the interesting things hindering me is a strong negative emotional reactiion when I do what I want to do. Psychologists call this the abreaction. And it is a sign I am moving in the right direction. But it is most important to listen to the abreaction and understand it.

The second thing that hinders me is conflict with other people. And I think conflict with others is part of my abraction. And I am learing to avoid conflict and instead listen to and understand my own feelings.

And knowing what is worthwhile for me helps me deal with and understand those things that hinder or stop me.

In other words, it is a great help to pursue those things that are worthwhile for me, even through difficulties.
 

proximo

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Nov 4, 2009
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Little Linguist - that's way too many to be just your CORE values! You need to do this part:

5. If you have more than five values, eliminate some. Think hard about what you truly value in life. Put a star by the values you’re sure about. Then take the ones that you feel are important, but aren’t sure if they’re top 5 material, and put them in pairs. Think about two of those values side by side, and ask yourself which of the two is more important. Then eliminate the other. Keep pitting the survivors against each other until you’re down to 5. If some of the values you listed are just two words describing the same idea. Combine them.

Anyway, to me those things just look like a list of virtues or qualities... I don't get what makes something a value... I mean you have to value it, obviously, but surely all of us value good things to some extent or other, and then have our own favourite good things? Does that mean "core values" is another way of saying "my favourite good things out of all the good things there are that I know of"?? :huh:

But anyway, I've thought of another one for me: authenticity.
 

wolfy

awsm
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Jun 30, 2008
Messages
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I'm sorry - did you lapse into a foreign language or some ancient dialect there? :shock:

haha, maybe a little. I don't know what my values are really. And listing them seems really foreign to me.
 

Mole

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haha, maybe a little. I don't know what my values are really. And listing them seems really foreign to me.

Well my dear Wolfy, you are a foreigner living in a foreign country so it seems entirely appropriate that you find listing your values to be foreign.

Good grief Wolfy, you values probably are foreign to your hosts.

Heavens Wolfy, you are probably turning Japanese and becoming foreign, even to yourself.

You may find yourself waking screaming in the night at the thought that there is a foreigner in bed with you - yourself.
 

wolfy

awsm
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Well my dear Wolfy, you are a foreigner living in a foreign country so it seems entirely appropriate that you find listing your values to be foreign.

Good grief Wolfy, you values probably are foreign to your hosts.

Heavens Wolfy, you are probably turning Japanese and becoming foreign, even to yourself.

You may find yourself waking screaming in the night at the thought that there is a foreigner in bed with you - yourself.

I imagine if I dug deep enough I'd find some values foreign to the host.
I find it very mechanical to go through my values. It feels very unnatural.
 

Mole

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I imagine if I dug deep enough I'd find some values foreign to the host.
I find it very mechanical to go through my values. It feels very unnatural.

In that case I advise you to wait.

Waiting for the right moment is very Japanese. So I think you should follow the lead of those around you and wait.

In the meantime you may practise tatemae and honne, exquisite Japanese values.
 
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