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Are you the Golden Child?

proteanmix

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There's a thread here about people sucking up to gain favor. I'm wondering about people who may or may not suck up but realize either way that they are in a favored position in a particular situation.

Maybe you're a favorite student, favorite child, favorite employee, favorite friend. However you got there, you have now arrived.

If it hasn't been through means of your own undertaking, i.e. you just happened to be the recipient of someone liking you and the person who likes you is in a position to make your life easier, how do you respond to people being jealous or envious of your favor? Are envious feelings ever justified in such a situation?

People may not want to be honest about this part, but do you ever use your favored position to your advantage, especially if that position was not earned through traditional means such as hard work and dedication? If so, how do you use it?
 

Drezoryx

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pass on the good fortune in bits to the leaders of the jealous party and manipulate them.
 

Usehername

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I don't understand the responses in that thread at all! (And btw sorry again everyone, I didn't realize it was in the NF subforum.)

I give more of my time and energy to people who can make my life easier.

This person might be of no professional standing or reputation, and the way they make my life easier is by being a kind soul that I can sit with and talk with and fill me with :wubbie: feelings that motivate me to work harder at something. For example, my little cousin who is learning her alphabet.

OTOH, this person might be of more pragmatic aid (boss/teacher/secretary/whatever) and I'll invest more cognitive resources making sure they feel validated, comfortable, respected, etc. I do this in ways that do not compromise my true feelings--I just look for something genuine to put forward, but I certainly look for something to put forward in the first place. If they're scum, I stay the hell away. I don't put myself in a situation that requires dealing with scum, so I don't have trouble affirming things I genuinely like about the people around me.

What kind of person does not do this? To them, I say, don't you think you have something to contribute to the world, and don't you think your contributions require help from others? Or are you so vain as to think you can do it without help? I don't understand.
 

Laurie

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Favorite kid growing up (until dad got remarried), not sure why.

I always get away with stuff, not sure why that is either.
 

proteanmix

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What kind of person does not do this? To them, I say, don't you think you have something to contribute to the world, and don't you think your contributions require help from others? Or are you so vain as to think you can do it without help? I don't understand.

Well I have a specific situation in mind that I've seen at work, where there are most definitely higher stakes (promotions, pay increases, increased visibility to higher-ups). I'm always so worried I'll bias the responses by how I work my OP so I'm vague but you manage to wring greater detail from me.

A new person was hired in my department almost a year ago. The person admitted in the interview they were underqualified for the position and time has proven that to be the case. BUT this person is very well-liked by the department director and has been given several high profile projects that other's (myself included) had been vying for. My department also has a very (or maybe not) strange social dynamic that I think this person picked up on after a few months and has exploited for their gain. I can't really blame them for that part, but they seem to be using that favor to drive a wedge between employees even further which still benefits them.

I know this is typical and I'm not really looking for advice, but I would like to know what goes on in a person's head who realizes they're in the cat bird seat.
 

cafe

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I think there have been times when I've been the favorite. I am naturally compliant and can be pretty submissive if I genuinely like and respect someone (I got Omega on the Alpha test). I love to please and will frame my words in such a way to be less offensive and more affirming than they might be if I didn't make the effort.

As far as doing it for personal gain . . . I can't seem to do it if I really don't like someone, no matter how much it would be in my best interest to do so. I can't hide genuine contempt/revulsion to that degree. I may still avoid open conflict, though.

Being a golden child does have advantages and I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I got to a lot of things as a teenager I might not have otherwise gotten to do because my friends' parents approved of me, I was polite and innocuous, etc.

I don't think I've really encountered a lot of jealousy, but I could be oblivious. I tend to be able to win all but the most obnoxious over and I 'rejoice with those who rejoice' meaning when good things happen for other people, I am happy for them and show it.

Most every good that happens is a net good in the universe and the fact that it is happening to someone else doesn't mean it's happening at my expense. And visa verse.
 

Usehername

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Well I have a specific situation in mind that I've seen at work, where there are most definitely higher stakes (promotions, pay increases, increased visibility to higher-ups). I'm always so worried I'll bias the responses by how I work my OP so I'm vague but you manage to wring greater detail from me.

A new person was hired in my department almost a year ago. The person admitted in the interview they were underqualified for the position and time has proven that to be the case. BUT this person is very well-liked by the department director and has been given several high profile projects that other's (myself included) had been vying for. My department also has a very (or maybe not) strange social dynamic that I think this person picked up on after a few months and has exploited for their gain. I can't really blame them for that part, but they seem to be using that favor to drive a wedge between employees even further which still benefits them.

I know this is typical and I'm not really looking for advice, but I would like to know what goes on in a person's head who realizes they're in the cat bird seat.

Oh. If I wasn't more qualified I'd sit my ass down and either improve myself until I could game on with the others who were competent and therefore earned the right to vy for the position, or I'd simply sit my ass down and chill. I'd feel like an idiot in a position that I was not competent to hold.
 

entropie

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I am my car's most favourite driver, if someone else steps into it, it just wont start :D

And I was the 1st child and much more diplomatic than my sister, so she got a hardtime sometimes.
 

cafe

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Oh. If I wasn't more qualified I'd sit my ass down and either improve myself until I could game on with the others who were competent and therefore earned the right to vy for the position, or I'd simply sit my ass down and chill. I'd feel like an idiot in a position that I was not competent to hold.
Yeah. How embarrassing. I don't tend to put myself forward and if I feel like someone is expecting me to do something I'm not qualified, I've been known to freak out and flake. If someone is more qualified than I am for something, they should do it and maybe I can help and learn along the way. I'm not particularly motivated to advance. Advancing just means more work and headache, lol.
 

proteanmix

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Well to me it's not necessarily about how qualified this person is because skills can be learned and this person is learning. They're hired now and it's been nearly a year and nothing catastrophic has happened.

What bothers me is the exploitation that's now occurring and the divisiveness in an already strained relationships. And the person knows that they are liked and it feels like they rub it in the faces of those who the Bosses feel more neutral towards. It can be in little repeated comments like "Jane and I..." (Jane being the boss) "already discussed this and we think..." when that person has no more authority than anyone else. It's an air of Us vs. Them attitude this person is reinforcing (when they've done nothing to be "them" other than being well-liked) and I'm wondering how much of a conscious process this is very them just moving along taking advantage of the situation as things occur with much forethought.
 

cafe

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That sounds obnoxious and very short-sighted. You don't want everyone in your environment gunning for you or to tie your situation to only one person's coat tail.

Better to be nice to as many people as you can, especially your equals and inferiors because they are the ones who can make or break you and your superiors see you as an inferior even if you are a nice pet ATM.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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Well to me it's not necessarily about how qualified this person is because skills can be learned and this person is learning. They're hired now and it's been nearly a year and nothing catastrophic has happened.

What bothers me is the exploitation that's now occurring and the divisiveness in an already strained relationships. And the person knows that they are liked and it feels like they rub it in the faces of those who the Bosses feel more neutral towards. It can be in little repeated comments like "Jane and I..." (Jane being the boss) "already discussed this and we think..." when that person has no more authority than anyone else. It's an air of Us vs. Them attitude this person is reinforcing (when they've done nothing to be "them" other than being well-liked) and I'm wondering how much of a conscious process this is very them just moving along taking advantage of the situation as things occur with much forethought.
I would guess it is conscious, but can't know for certain.

What I found in really competitive environments is that the games played make a number of people both favored and disfavored depending on the momentary context. I taught at a small college where they would play this game in which at a given moment they would make each person feel like someone else was favored. They made a fellow female colleague feel quite invalidated about my accomplishments, but when talking to me they made sure I knew there was someone else they preferred for any given assignment. I know I appeared to be the golden child to certain people, but I wasn't even close to it. They did the exact same thing to me.

Any interaction that is not based on skill and reasonable decision making is frustrating to me.
 

prplchknz

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Growing up people tended to like me for no reason, I wasn't outgoing and kept to myself, didn't suck up. Though in highschool and middleschool I was told by lot of teachers that I was refreshingly honest and it was a nice change. Even in highschool when I was high or drunk every day teachers still loved me.(though that year I also got the best grades, I guess I was paranoid that if I gave up they would figure something was up so I actually did school work ) My mom loves me, mostly because she knows that if she asks me to do something for her I will.
 

Ghost of the dead horse

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Favorited child. I didn't get to understand that until the age of 27, by the time I had lived on my own for 6 years.

My father used physical punishment as an education method, and my brothers were super shitty, so I failed to understand that for my entire childhood. I guess I was my mother's favorite. I had no plan of gaining my mother's approval, I just liked to talk with her about everything under the sun. She had wisdom, insight, intelligence - understanding, we could talk about everything related to Big Topics.

I didn't know there were small topics after a while of living on my own.

I've sometimes been the most vocal student, the student who's been given the most opportunities to speak, but it's been only fair and no favoritism.
 

Grungemouse

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Favourite child; unintentional. I was told this the other week. With my older brother (ESTP) turning out to be "such a huge disappointment", all bets are on me.

This makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, to have my parents demand so much out of me just because the first batch had turned out wrong. But at the same time, I don't want to let them down. I feel under pressure to achieve good grades for my degree, which is a good thing, of course. But what happens if I make a bonafide effort and still fail to attain what they want from me? They always put it down to, "You have the potential, but you never put in the effort; you're just being lazy". If that's their conclusion to ever mediocre achievement in my life, and ever failure, I find it easier to figure out why I freeze up out of anticipating performance failure.
 

King sns

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I've always been favorited for no reason. When I was a baby, I looked like a gerber baby. Only child, but the favorite of aunts and uncles amongst all the cousins. The happy, friendly kid with the good grades and always saying cute things that made people laugh.

Teacher's pet, boss' pet. That's sometimes intentional as I think that life is much easier that way.

In highschool I was voted, "The best friend." I had a billion friends but wasn't necissarily "the most popular" because that required some looks and money, fashion and scandal. Plus I was friends with dorks and populars alike.

I'm not so much favorited anymore because I'm getting older and have opinions, not as much of a people pleaser and I don't care as much. This wasn't intentional, just natural. Though I know a couple of professors have a soft spot in their heart for me, and my boss loves me, and i'm still generally likeable, i'm not necissarily the star anymore.
 

avolkiteshvara

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golden_child-1.jpg



Give me the knife.................paleaseeeee
 

NewEra

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Golden child? Hardly. If anything, I was the one who was treated unfairly.
 

Frank

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There's a thread here about people sucking up to gain favor. I'm wondering about people who may or may not suck up but realize either way that they are in a favored position in a particular situation.

Maybe you're a favorite student, favorite child, favorite employee, favorite friend. However you got there, you have now arrived.

If it hasn't been through means of your own undertaking, i.e. you just happened to be the recipient of someone liking you and the person who likes you is in a position to make your life easier, how do you respond to people being jealous or envious of your favor? Are envious feelings ever justified in such a situation?

People may not want to be honest about this part, but do you ever use your favored position to your advantage, especially if that position was not earned through traditional means such as hard work and dedication? If so, how do you use it?


Sounds alot like my brother. I think he's an e s/N t/F p. I know you didn't ask, but when in Rome.
 

AOA

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WOOOWWWWWW. Now, this is a good question.
 
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