Dilemma: Accepting or regretting the past.

[Fluffywolf]

I'm having a huge dilemma here on what is really the best course of action for someone to take. Even though I don't think you can influence how you feel much in this regard. You are who you are after all.

On one end of the spectrum, there are people that are capable of accepting the past. They act throughout life to the best of their abilities. On the other end of the spectrum, there are people that easily fall to regret the past. (Let's for a moment forget about the people that give up on things during their life. Right now I'm only interested in these two extremes.)

The accepting kind seeks betterment through experience but is much more willing to accept a slow pace. Although they are generally happy and optimistic, they also easily fall into stale periods where there isn't much change in their life. While being happy with what you have, the drive to excel is dimmed somewhat and thus prevents the person from unlocking potential great abilities.

The regretting kind continuesly struggles with the bad events from the past, working hard to avoid them in the future with fervent passion. They're generally much more emotional and are likely to have long periods of unhappiness. However because of their drive to excel is very active and strong. And by chance, they could reach great potential in their life, through their constant struggle.

Even though the regretting kind of people may seem to live quite unhappy lives. Their chance to excel from experience is astonishingly great. Which in the grand scheme of things could be considered a very valuable asset in terms of life and the reason thereof. Whereas the accepting kind seems to lack in that chance. And has a much slower rate of excel rate from experience.

This is how I see this spectrum. I'm personally the accepting kind, and I've caught myself at several moments in my life where my accepting and optimistic nature has fallen into a stale lifestyle. I recognize this and do make the effort to change, but valuable time is lost in the process still. And even so, I often lack the resolve to really attempt to excel, for I'm not really unhappy to begin with, so the reason to excel isn't as important to me.

Still I can't stop thinking that in the grand scheme of things, and with in mind that life is about betterment, reaching greater understanding and evolving. Regretting ones past is the most effective way in order to evolve.

This thought doesn't make me particularly happy, which is unusual , as it is very important for me to evolve on quite a few levels. But at the same time, I'm just not the type to regret the past either. Nor being pessimistic. That's just not in me. So, how can I reach the same resolve and drive a person that regrets the past, while maintaining my accepting and optimistic nature?

Since both evolving and excelling, as well as accepting and being optimistic are of equal importance to me. Yet, they both don't seem to go well hand in hand. Which makes me unhappy and makes me feel like I don't want to accept living a stale less quickly evolving life. Whilest at the same time I feel that I'm who I am and should just accept this fact and be happy with where I can get in life being true to myself.

Thoughts? Advice?

edit: On second thought, maybe this topic fits a bit better in the philosophy forum. Although I'm particularly interesting in trying to understand, and seek possibilities for, the psychological nature of this dilemma.

 

[Shimmy]

Interesting. I'm like you in that I readily accept my past but indeed have a stale lifestyle and sometimes even make little effort to avoid mistakes I've made before.

Could it be a P/J thing?

 

[Fluffywolf]

P/J could definatly be an aspect.

Altho both P's and J's can either accept or fall to regret their past. However, a P that readily accepts the past may have more trouble with this than a J.

And a J that regrets the past may be more passionate about it than a P that regrets the past.

 

[garbage]

You can learn from mistakes without completely regretting them. With that in mind, you've got the best of both worlds!

 

[Fluffywolf]

You can learn from mistakes without completely regretting them. With that in mind, you've got the best of both worlds!

Learning from mistakes is but a part of the problem though.

When you're happy with your life, you just more easily fall into a stale lifestyle. Not making any more mistakes, but not really evolving either. That's really the key issue I'm having. So the point is, is it a mistake to be happy with your life, however unevolving or stale it may be?

 

[Sniffles]

I'd say a critical acceptance of the past is the best approach.

 

[Shimmy]

Learning from mistakes is but a part of the problem though.

When you're happy with your life, you just more easily fall into a stale lifestyle. Not making any more mistakes, but not really evolving either. That's really the key issue I'm having. So the point is, is it a mistake to be happy with your life, however unevolving or stale it may be?

Yeah, that clarifies better what you mean.

No, I don't feel that being happy with your life is a mistake. Happiness is all that matters after all.
Yes, I do think that being happy with your life is a mistake. It keeps you from striving forward and experience new things.

 

[Snow Turtle]

I've been told that with even with and after acceptance, there is always a natural desire to strive for improvement. Regret seems like a method that can cause someone to excel, but at the same time I'd imagine more people have been held back by such belief systems.

 

[NewEra]

Just accept your past. But do not forget it. Learn from your mistakes to make yourself a better person.

 

[Fluffywolf]

I've been told that with even with and after acceptance, there is always a natural desire to strive for improvement. Regret seems like a method that can cause someone to excel, but at the same time I'd imagine more people have been held back by such belief systems.

I do desire to evolve, it's why I made this topic.

And yes, I also know regret can work the other way around. Holding people back. The 'spectrum' is bigger than the two 'options' I mentioned in the OP. But still I don't feel in a rush. Because I am happy, I don't feel pushed to evolve. I don't feel any undeniable need to change. Just the desire to not fall into the same pattern for long periods of time. But it doesn't seem enough to enforce radical changes. So in a way I want to regret the past, I want to see where it would lead me. But I can't just fool myself.

It's an interesting dilemma though. Ön one end the path you travel is more important than your destination. But ultimatly you do want to end up in the right place too.

 

[Saslou]

I think i understand what you are saying .. or i could be totally off the mark.

I am very much at the 'accepting all that is' part, however, i do momentarily drop like last night in bed and i lost it. Pure guilt trip. i fixed that by going to the gym today and beating the hell out of the rowing machine. Lol.

I know everything happens for a reason, but like yourself, i am unaware of my path in life at this present time. It's like everything is passing me by and i am somewhat scared to make a move in case it's the wrong one.

I was reading a book recently and it spoke of Deja vu. Apparently, it happens because our subconscious is remembering our blueprint that we chose before we came here. Maybe it's new age nonsense or just maybe it could be fact.
If it's true, then i am where i am meant to be.

Apologies, if i misunderstood you.

 

[cascadeco]

I do desire to evolve, it's why I made this topic.

And yes, I also know regret can work the other way around. Holding people back. The 'spectrum' is bigger than the two 'options' I mentioned in the OP. But still I don't feel in a rush. Because I am happy, I don't feel pushed to evolve. I don't feel any undeniable need to change. Just the desire to not fall into the same pattern for long periods of time.

Oh, I may be wrong, but I don't think constant evolution/growth is possible. I think everyone has their 'lulls', and although I can appreciate your two ends of the spectrum (although don't know that I would have chosen acceptance/regret as the forces behind a persons' type of movement/growth), either end, and everything in between, can fall victim to the same lulls.

Personally, yeah, I can relate to what you're talking about, about feeling happy, and maybe there being an aspect of guilt for feeling happy, and being annoyed with yourself for being motionless and for not doing anything whatsoever except existing in your stable little world of happiness. But I'm also getting to the point where I am ceasing to be bothered so much by that -- because I know it won't last forever. My next point of 'evolution' will occur when it occurs, when the time is right....when things have reached critical mass, and when I'm to the point where I am no longer happy/content with my situation....and I'll then have to push forward and grow and make changes. Constant change/growth? If you didn't have the lulls, you wouldn't even have time to reflect that you did in fact grow or you are currently motionless! It's when the scale tips towards your being more annoyed/bothered with your current life than content/happy with it, that you'll make changes!

 

[Fluffywolf]

Oh, I may be wrong, but I don't think constant evolution/growth is possible. I think everyone has their 'lulls', and although I can appreciate your two ends of the spectrum (although don't know that I would have chosen acceptance/regret as the forces behind a persons' type of movement/growth), either end, and everything in between, can fall victim to the same lulls.

Personally, yeah, I can relate to what you're talking about, about feeling happy, and maybe there being an aspect of guilt for feeling happy, and being annoyed with yourself for being motionless and for not doing anything whatsoever except existing in your stable little world of happiness. But I'm also getting to the point where I am ceasing to be bothered so much by that -- because I know it won't last forever. My next point of 'evolution' will occur when it occurs, when the time is right....when things have reached critical mass, and when I'm to the point where I am no longer happy/content with my situation....and I'll then have to push forward and grow and make changes. Constant change/growth? If you didn't have the lulls, you wouldn't even have time to reflect that you did in fact grow or you are currently motionless! It's when the scale tips towards your being more annoyed/bothered with your current life than content/happy with it, that you'll make changes!

Oi, that's a pretty healthy look on it. And I think I unconsciously relate to this as well. I just have days where I feel like I'm bursting with energy but I don't really have anything going on to release that energy. I suppose you're right that stale moments are inevitably neccesary in order to recognize growth, and to understand the importance of growth.

I suppose it's just not going fast enough to my liking.

 

[FDG]

My approach to life is: "everything I've done so far sucks totally, but I couldn't have done it differently otherwise I would have, so I will just try to do better at the next opportunity". Thankfully, I have been "gifted" with a lot of useless energy, so it's hard for me to sit still, although I personally don't approve the feeling of "regret"; unless you've killed somebody, or something similar.

I also try to tackle completely new hobbies that I deem interesting if I see that what I'm currently doing is stale. Sometimes a change of perspective can spur initiative, analysis and creativity.

To be honest, though, I don't know if my approach is right, because I tend to focus too much on somewhat self-imposed ideals rather than what would be OK to do in comparison to others. So sometimes I find myself being alone in my quest for the perfect performance.

 

[Lux]

Constant change/growth? If you didn't have the lulls, you wouldn't even have time to reflect that you did in fact grow or you are currently motionless! It's when the scale tips towards your being more annoyed/bothered with your current life than content/happy with it, that you'll make changes!

^ I agree.

I'm also the kind of person that get's comfortable in the stagnant stage of happiness. I can't make myself regret the past but I always try to learn from it. I'm happy, I like being happy but I understand what you're saying, I try not to stay "floating" for too long. To combat that I attempt something out of my comfort zone in order to remove the stagnation. It works for me.