BlackCat
Shaman
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2008
- Messages
- 7,038
- MBTI Type
- ESFP
- Enneagram
- 9w8
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
yeah I have had the exact same problem with every single INFP I've ever encountered, so I thought it was kinda funny and ironic that an INFP was asking for help with other people making it hard for them to stay in touch without always having to take the initiative and work at it harder than the other person does.
I guess a bit of honesty might help too, like actually saying to them hey, you know, do you wanna be part of this friendship or not? only cos like, you're making me do all the work and that's giving me this idea that maybe my gestures to you aren't welcome, cos you're just not reciprocating any of them. Maybe if they can be made to realize how it's making you feel, and kinda how anti-social and rude it is to accept it when someone comes to them but never make the effort themselves, it might spur them on a bit.
I find though that with some of the very passive introverts I know, who do this really badly, I've ended up having to just sorta demote them to outer circles of my life and let them go, as it were. Cos I just haven't the time or energy to maintain friends like that, who make me always have to go to them, when I've got other friends too who come to me and who, when I go to them, I don't feel like "here we go again, me having to do all the work". It's sad, cos some of them are people I really really dig and I do feel sad that they just can't seem to pull their fingers out, because on the times when I've made the effort we've had great conversations and got along really well, really enjoyed ourselves. But after exhausting myself with trying to keep up friendships with people like that, I've just kinda realized that it's not a fair expectation of myself, so I've had to leave them to decide whether they want the friendship or not and if they really did, they'd pull their fingers out. In 90% of cases they don't, and it genuinely does sadden me, but I get over it and let it go and have many other friends so...
Bolded: Lol. I consider myself a very sociable person, and I really do enjoy people. I guess I'm just an oddball.
Otherwise for the rest of your post, yeah I can totally empathize with you. I have just *dropped* some relationships with introverts because they just don't make any initiative. Or I'll purposefully not do anything and wait until they make a move.
I need to meet some more extroverts, I'm glad that you guys make up 75% of the population. I can understand why too, extrovert-introvert interactions are balanced, and extrovert-extrovert interactions can be overwhelming but at least they happen.