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post-abortion stress

demimondaine

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i might be asking for it, and i'm certainly putting myself on the line here, but please bear with me. it's been a tough week.
this week, had everything gone normally, i would have given birth to my first child. i had an abortion earlier this year (my birthday, ironically) and lapse occasionally into grief. i've always been fiercely pro-choice, but it can be a different issue when it applies to you personally.

i haven't told many people, though none of my close friends can really relate. and statistically, i probably know some older women who could relate, but they haven't shared..

just wondering, would anyone care to speak out about their experiences? i'm not looking for judgment, though thanks in advance. seems most of the "resources" online are religion-based and condemn abortion. legitimate, but not what i'm looking for. thanks.
 

syckkz

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Well, I know I ain't a female. But I remember talking to my dad's wife at the time about her abortion, and she was in very deep depression about it.. even years later after it had happened she had a hard time talking about it.

I think that when you lose something like that especially as a woman with those instincts you start to wonder.. what if? I know that a lot of women do have really bad depression and sadness after this happens.. It would be normal to feel those ways you know

Again, this is just what I've experienced
 

Qre:us

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Your avatar suddenly has clarity.

May I ask, what is the most prominent thought in your head, the one that seems to be on 'repeat', specifically, regarding this issue?
 

poppy

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I don't have any experience with this Demi, but I can only imagine it must be a very emotional experience.

:hug:
 

ajblaise

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I'm not a women, but I couldn't help but do a google search and found a very active support forum for people with post-abortion issues. So just in case you haven't found it, here: passboards.org
 

Totenkindly

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You're very courageous to put yourself out here like this, although I know you also are hoping to receive some strength in return.

i can't say that I have been through what you have. However, if I had had an abortion, I can imagine a host of feelings about it (usually imagining and playing out various possibilities in my mind, the roads not traveled; wondering if I had done the right thing and whether I should have gone a different route; wondering how people might view me; etc.) Very complicated, very painful, and no easy way to resolve those feelings other than internally learning to accept the decision.

If someone here has some experiences they'd like to share but don't feel comfortable posting openly, e-mail or PMs are a good alternative.
 

Usehername

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demimondaine

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^ thanks for all the responses :hug:
i have been on the passboards forum briefly, but haven't clicked with anyone or anything. it's a strangely designed forum, and kind of a weird atmosphere. plus, they don't seem to limit signature sizes, and i'm tired of scrolling through blinking hearts and kitties, etc.

jennifer's right, PMs might be better here.

thanks again, you're all wonderful!
 

Saslou

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I have gone all cold reading this.

16th September 2005. I will never forget the day. I did it because i didn't want to have another child and it got in the way of my future plans (how selfish).
I never spoke about the guilt (at the time) to anyone including my husband. I was so ashamed even though i knew i did the right thing.
At some point i talked to my mum and she told me she had also had an abortion in the past. There were a lot of tears that day. It took some of the weight off my shoulders.
It does pop up occasionally even now. I can't change the past though so i just take accountability and tell myself everything happens for a reason.

I saw a psychic in March this year for certain reasons. She mentioned my 3 children, i told her i only had 2. She said 2 boys and a girl (i knew i was carrying a girl). She told me to let go of the guilt as she (the little girl) understands.
Now each to their own, some people believe in that, some don't.
That helped me though no end.
:hug:

EDIT - If you want to have a chat, PM me OK. ;)
 

Fidelia

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Hey Demi,

I can only imagine how you are feeling. I know the people close to me who have had miscarriages suffer from sadness and guilt and remember anniversaries, so it is not surprising that you are feeling this way after an abortion. This is a big physical and emotional trauma and unfortunately there is seldom even the guidance of hearing others' experiences before such a big decision is made, nor the support of sharing your grief/guilt/struggles after because of the shame or secrecy people often carry. Regardless of anyone's personal convictions on the issue of abortion, I don't think anyone here would want to contribute to everything else you are dealing with. Hugs to you, and if we find anything that might help, we'll send it your way. Your honesty takes a great deal of courage, but I think even talking about it to someone will be a tremendous help in processing what has happened and will at least take some of the burden of secrecy away.
 
T

ThatGirl

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Perhaps you can do something to honor the memory of your child. Turn these thoughts into some positive action. Then give the credit to your child, for inspiring something beautiful.
 

Tallulah

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I know a friend of mine went through exactly what you did--she aborted the baby, but then was very sad on the day that the baby would have been born. She was in a depression for weeks around the actual due date. I know she was disappointed that none of her family thought about mentioning it, but I don't think most people (who haven't had one) think in those terms. They hadn't thought about when the baby would have been born, etc, and people generally don't want to bring up a sad subject out of the blue. I guess my point in all this is that if you're feeling alone in all this, to bring it up and let people know that you want to talk about it--because they will probably a) not realize or b) not bring it up so as not to upset you.

:hug:
 

Kyrielle

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I'm sorry you are having a tough time...that's a really sad thing to experience. :( It's understandable, though. I think you should take up ThatGirl's advice...it sounds like a helpful thing to do.

I have no experience with this, but if you did what you thought was right at the time, then you did the best you could do given the circumstances. And the best you can do is really all you can ever ask of yourself.
 

shimsham

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My mother had an abortion when she was 20. She has told me that, as with all types of grief, it gets better with time. It makes sense that the sadness stings a little more for you right now, since you are caught up in thoughts of what could have been. I wish I had advice or comforting words for you. Just know that you are one of many women who has gone through this, and you should not feel alone in dealing with it. Seek out some older women in your life and tell them about what you're going through and how you're feeling. In all likelihood, they'll have gone through the same thing, or will know someone who has.

:hug:
 
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