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Thread: Entitlement

  1. #1
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Default Entitlement

    This is a constant issue when interacting with people. It has also been a focus of my life for the last five years or so. It has been my goal to let go of all sense of entitlement over things outside my control. This includes not considering myself cheated if someone less qualified is chosen for a job, if someone just decides it isn't worth the effort for my friendship. It is about letting go of feeling ownership over something that is in the hands of someone else to make choices about.

    There is a great deal of suffering and anger that results from the creation of an ideal inside one's mind, and then expecting that to occur in the outside world. Even my diplomas state that I am entitled to all the rights and privileges associated with this degree. Since graduating I have learned they are mistaken. It isn't that I don't deserve certain things, it is that the entire process of feeling entitled to something is irrelevant. We can certainly make efforts to achieve what we desire, but effort and desire alone does not secure anything. They are intrinsic and separate. By focusing on the intrinsic value of my own self, my choices, my space, and feeling entitled to that, it has allowed me to start letting go of everything else.

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  2. #2
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    I have long held the belief that the ideas and values within me don't matter a shit outside of my own mind unless I can get others to also value them. I think that's basically what your saying too.

    Ah so that'd be a big me too then.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

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    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    I have long held the belief that the ideas and values within me don't matter a shit outside of my own mind unless I can get others to also value them. I think that's basically what your saying too. Ah so that'd be a big me too then.
    ???

    I didn't read the OP that way at all.

    She seemed to be saying that so often we feel we have rights and entitlements bestowed on us... but really, we have no control over what is outside of us. And having expectations for these entitlements to be "honored" causes a lot of anxiety when people fail to give us what we think we deserve or have earned.

    Thus, we have to value our own intrinsic nature and internal experience. That's the only thing we can control. And we can stop "making demands" on the outer world. We can just let things happen, rather than getting all worked up about what things we deserve that we are not getting.

    This seems to be the more "stable and healthy" place to be, and is the only thing we can really control. And then we can appreciate the things we DO get -- and see them as gifts and special, not as entitlements that might be taken from us.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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    shoshaku jushaku rivercrow's Avatar
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    Entitlement ties closely in with expectations.

    For example: I've worked here for 8 years, I expect to get preferential treatment when considered for a departmental transfer or a raise.

    As I see it, lots of social structures support the sense of entitlement. If you do well in school, you feel entitled to a good job. If you pay your dues, you expect to climb the ladder. If you're loyal to your company, you expect loyalty in return. If you're saved, you expect to go to Heaven. If you pay taxes, you expect....

    Maybe we could have a discussion on "expectation management" some day. Both our own and the expectations of others need to be managed.

    You know, though, I keep hearing my mother's voice chastising me for expecting others to live up to my standards. I tend to think what she meant was that I should reign in my vocal T criticism, but there might be a bit of the competency-snob there, too. (More expectations.)
    Who rises in the morning, looks in the mirror and says, "I think I will do something stupid today?" -- James Hollis
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  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Daphne View Post
    What do you think?
    Entitlement as a stand alone ideal I don't have a problem with, anyway.

    But as you say, it can have some adverse emotional affects in the 'real world' context. Me, feeling entitlement about something seems to conflict with my preferred method of operation, which is 'freedom'. If I think something is coming to me and it doesn't, it's like I can't control what happens to me. But if it's all "water off a duck's back", then I can shrug my shoulders, bend, and be on to the next thing. I tend to want to look back at situations that didn't work out, so it's a constantly conscious effort to move ahead.

    Edit: I think the idea of constantly moving is closely related to this. If you stay in any one place - physicall, mentally, emotionally - you're more likely to get a skewed sense of your own importance, and I see that as a potential disaster. On the other hand, if life is a constant state of evolution, not only do you manage to keep your head better, but when things do turn out wrong, you know subconciously that it's only one place in time and you'll soon be somewhere else.

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    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    This is a constant issue when interacting with people. It has also been a focus of my life for the last five years or so. It has been my goal to let go of all sense of entitlement over things outside my control. This includes not considering myself cheated if someone less qualified is chosen for a job, if someone just decides it isn't worth the effort for my friendship. It is about letting go of feeling ownership over something that is in the hands of someone else to make choices about.

    There is a great deal of suffering and anger that results from the creation of an ideal inside one's mind, and then expecting that to occur in the outside world. Even my diplomas state that I am entitled to all the rights and privileges associated with this degree. Since graduating I have learned they are mistaken. It isn't that I don't deserve certain things, it is that the entire process of feeling entitled to something is irrelevant. We can certainly make efforts to achieve what we desire, but effort and desire alone does not secure anything. They are intrinsic and separate. By focusing on the intrinsic value of my own self, my choices, my space, and feeling entitled to that, it has allowed me to start letting go of everything else.

    What do you think?

    The case is simply that people who do not have a coherent internal standard to assess themselves by seek validation on the outside. They assume that everyone else thinks the same way and expect for others to deem them superior upon reaching the envisioned accolade.

  7. #7
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryWalker View Post
    The case is simply that people who do not have a coherent internal standard to assess themselves by seek validation on the outside. They assume that everyone else thinks the same way and expect for others to deem them superior upon reaching the envisioned accolade.
    Said like a true introvert.

    If they're extroverts, their "inside" is really the "outside" and vice versa.

    So why should they not logically heed the structure of the sphere that is naturally them?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Said like a true introvert.

    If they're extroverts, their "inside" is really the "outside" and vice versa.

    So why should they not logically heed the structure of the sphere that is naturally them?

    Ne does not need structure. You can still have intenral standards as an extrovert. You can still be externally focused while using external activities as means to an end, namely to satisfy your internal standards. Te structured mindset should not prevent you from doing this either.

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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    The linked article made me think about this affliction of entitlement and whether or not it affects the psyche of a lot of people who live in the U.S.

    Getting real
    Post-World War II vision of the American Dream — it's over


    http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/o...,5291126.story

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    An high sense of entitlement is most common in which types? Fi users I think can be trapped by it if not so healthy.
    And in your opinion, is there a big difference between a self-entitlement (only as an "internal state") and an entitlement meaning someone who expects-needs-absolutely wants that his entitlement is validated by others even in "forceful" or manipulating ways?

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