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Entitlement

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
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ISFP
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496
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sp/sx
This is a constant issue when interacting with people. It has also been a focus of my life for the last five years or so. It has been my goal to let go of all sense of entitlement over things outside my control. This includes not considering myself cheated if someone less qualified is chosen for a job, if someone just decides it isn't worth the effort for my friendship. It is about letting go of feeling ownership over something that is in the hands of someone else to make choices about.

There is a great deal of suffering and anger that results from the creation of an ideal inside one's mind, and then expecting that to occur in the outside world. Even my diplomas state that I am entitled to all the rights and privileges associated with this degree. Since graduating I have learned they are mistaken. It isn't that I don't deserve certain things, it is that the entire process of feeling entitled to something is irrelevant. We can certainly make efforts to achieve what we desire, but effort and desire alone does not secure anything. They are intrinsic and separate. By focusing on the intrinsic value of my own self, my choices, my space, and feeling entitled to that, it has allowed me to start letting go of everything else.

What do you think?
 

Xander

Lex Parsimoniae
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I have long held the belief that the ideas and values within me don't matter a shit outside of my own mind unless I can get others to also value them. I think that's basically what your saying too.

Ah so that'd be a big me too then.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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I have long held the belief that the ideas and values within me don't matter a shit outside of my own mind unless I can get others to also value them. I think that's basically what your saying too. Ah so that'd be a big me too then.

???

I didn't read the OP that way at all.

She seemed to be saying that so often we feel we have rights and entitlements bestowed on us... but really, we have no control over what is outside of us. And having expectations for these entitlements to be "honored" causes a lot of anxiety when people fail to give us what we think we deserve or have earned.

Thus, we have to value our own intrinsic nature and internal experience. That's the only thing we can control. And we can stop "making demands" on the outer world. We can just let things happen, rather than getting all worked up about what things we deserve that we are not getting.

This seems to be the more "stable and healthy" place to be, and is the only thing we can really control. And then we can appreciate the things we DO get -- and see them as gifts and special, not as entitlements that might be taken from us.
 

rivercrow

shoshaku jushaku
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
1,555
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type
Entitlement ties closely in with expectations.

For example: I've worked here for 8 years, I expect to get preferential treatment when considered for a departmental transfer or a raise.

As I see it, lots of social structures support the sense of entitlement. If you do well in school, you feel entitled to a good job. If you pay your dues, you expect to climb the ladder. If you're loyal to your company, you expect loyalty in return. If you're saved, you expect to go to Heaven. If you pay taxes, you expect....

Maybe we could have a discussion on "expectation management" some day. Both our own and the expectations of others need to be managed.

You know, though, I keep hearing my mother's voice chastising me for expecting others to live up to my standards. I tend to think what she meant was that I should reign in my vocal T criticism, but there might be a bit of the competency-snob there, too. (More expectations.)
 

sundowning

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
251
MBTI Type
ISTP
What do you think?

Entitlement as a stand alone ideal I don't have a problem with, anyway.

But as you say, it can have some adverse emotional affects in the 'real world' context. Me, feeling entitlement about something seems to conflict with my preferred method of operation, which is 'freedom'. If I think something is coming to me and it doesn't, it's like I can't control what happens to me. But if it's all "water off a duck's back", then I can shrug my shoulders, bend, and be on to the next thing. I tend to want to look back at situations that didn't work out, so it's a constantly conscious effort to move ahead.

Edit: I think the idea of constantly moving is closely related to this. If you stay in any one place - physicall, mentally, emotionally - you're more likely to get a skewed sense of your own importance, and I see that as a potential disaster. On the other hand, if life is a constant state of evolution, not only do you manage to keep your head better, but when things do turn out wrong, you know subconciously that it's only one place in time and you'll soon be somewhere else.
 

SolitaryWalker

Tenured roisterer
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This is a constant issue when interacting with people. It has also been a focus of my life for the last five years or so. It has been my goal to let go of all sense of entitlement over things outside my control. This includes not considering myself cheated if someone less qualified is chosen for a job, if someone just decides it isn't worth the effort for my friendship. It is about letting go of feeling ownership over something that is in the hands of someone else to make choices about.

There is a great deal of suffering and anger that results from the creation of an ideal inside one's mind, and then expecting that to occur in the outside world. Even my diplomas state that I am entitled to all the rights and privileges associated with this degree. Since graduating I have learned they are mistaken. It isn't that I don't deserve certain things, it is that the entire process of feeling entitled to something is irrelevant. We can certainly make efforts to achieve what we desire, but effort and desire alone does not secure anything. They are intrinsic and separate. By focusing on the intrinsic value of my own self, my choices, my space, and feeling entitled to that, it has allowed me to start letting go of everything else.

What do you think?


The case is simply that people who do not have a coherent internal standard to assess themselves by seek validation on the outside. They assume that everyone else thinks the same way and expect for others to deem them superior upon reaching the envisioned accolade.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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The case is simply that people who do not have a coherent internal standard to assess themselves by seek validation on the outside. They assume that everyone else thinks the same way and expect for others to deem them superior upon reaching the envisioned accolade.

Said like a true introvert.

If they're extroverts, their "inside" is really the "outside" and vice versa.

So why should they not logically heed the structure of the sphere that is naturally them?
 

SolitaryWalker

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Said like a true introvert.

If they're extroverts, their "inside" is really the "outside" and vice versa.

So why should they not logically heed the structure of the sphere that is naturally them?


Ne does not need structure. You can still have intenral standards as an extrovert. You can still be externally focused while using external activities as means to an end, namely to satisfy your internal standards. Te structured mindset should not prevent you from doing this either.
 

Malcontent

New member
Joined
May 18, 2009
Messages
258
MBTI Type
abcd
An high sense of entitlement is most common in which types? Fi users I think can be trapped by it if not so healthy.
And in your opinion, is there a big difference between a self-entitlement (only as an "internal state") and an entitlement meaning someone who expects-needs-absolutely wants that his entitlement is validated by others even in "forceful" or manipulating ways?
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
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26,562
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INTJ
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An high sense of entitlement is most common in which types? Fi users I think can be trapped by it if not so healthy.
And in your opinion, is there a big difference between a self-entitlement (only as an "internal state") and an entitlement meaning someone who expects-needs-absolutely wants that his entitlement is validated by others even in "forceful" or manipulating ways?

I think it might be equally common across all types. It's a trait of human nature.
 

Such Irony

Honor Thy Inferior
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5,059
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sp/so
This is a constant issue when interacting with people. It has also been a focus of my life for the last five years or so. It has been my goal to let go of all sense of entitlement over things outside my control. This includes not considering myself cheated if someone less qualified is chosen for a job, if someone just decides it isn't worth the effort for my friendship. It is about letting go of feeling ownership over something that is in the hands of someone else to make choices about.

There is a great deal of suffering and anger that results from the creation of an ideal inside one's mind, and then expecting that to occur in the outside world. Even my diplomas state that I am entitled to all the rights and privileges associated with this degree. Since graduating I have learned they are mistaken. It isn't that I don't deserve certain things, it is that the entire process of feeling entitled to something is irrelevant. We can certainly make efforts to achieve what we desire, but effort and desire alone does not secure anything. They are intrinsic and separate. By focusing on the intrinsic value of my own self, my choices, my space, and feeling entitled to that, it has allowed me to start letting go of everything else.

What do you think?


Sadly, I think you're right. It would be nice though if there were more 'guarantees' in life.

This sense of entitlement is what I personally struggle with most. I find it next to impossible not to feel cheated for example if someone less qualified than I gets chosen for a job.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
I'm not sure if what Annwyn described is entitlement. But letting go of anything that's outside our control with full acceptance that it is outside our control is a worthwhile coping tool. The question is whether we're capable of judging what's truly outside of our control.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I'm not sure if what Annwyn described is entitlement. But letting go of anything that's outside our control with full acceptance that it is outside our control is a worthwhile coping tool. The question is whether we're capable of judging what's truly outside of our control.

In a way you will have to admit that you yourself are out of control. I have no power over most of what my body does. I don't even have proper control over my thoughts.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
I'll agree that we fool ourselves into believing we have full control over ourselves since we can't control our unconscious mind and how it processes input. But we can control our behaviours and responses by offsetting with balancing thoughts and if done consistently, IMO, we can somewhat if not fully, reroute our neural pathways.
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
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Nov 26, 2008
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9,625
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5w4
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sx/sp
This is a constant issue when interacting with people. It has also been a focus of my life for the last five years or so. It has been my goal to let go of all sense of entitlement over things outside my control. This includes not considering myself cheated if someone less qualified is chosen for a job, if someone just decides it isn't worth the effort for my friendship. It is about letting go of feeling ownership over something that is in the hands of someone else to make choices about.

There is a great deal of suffering and anger that results from the creation of an ideal inside one's mind, and then expecting that to occur in the outside world. Even my diplomas state that I am entitled to all the rights and privileges associated with this degree. Since graduating I have learned they are mistaken. It isn't that I don't deserve certain things, it is that the entire process of feeling entitled to something is irrelevant. We can certainly make efforts to achieve what we desire, but effort and desire alone does not secure anything. They are intrinsic and separate. By focusing on the intrinsic value of my own self, my choices, my space, and feeling entitled to that, it has allowed me to start letting go of everything else.

What do you think?

I feel we are entitled to certain things, but these things are internal such as freedom of speech and dissent, but I don't believe we are entitled to anything physical like money or nice clothes. that being said, the internal things human being are entitled to (summed up quite nicely in the bill of rights) are well worth fighting for if violated
 
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