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Extraversion as a choice?

V

violaine

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I've always needed significant amounts of alone time and never suffer in the absence of people. Without regular periods of solitude I feel unglued and harried and I get very irritable. I feel like I'm dropping the ball because of not being able to pay attention to my internal world. I'm sure I could manipulate it somewhat but I also have a strong liking for the things introverts seem to prefer. Not shy or socially anxious either for which I think introversion is often confused. (I used to be quite shy but grew out of it.)

As it happens, I have been out socializing/networking almost every night this week. I feel so splintered and chaotic. I haven't had time to internally process anything the way I normally would.
 

Laurie

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My 11 year old daughter is an obvious introvert and has been since she was born.

She told me "I wish we didn't have a phone or email, I talk enough at school." She has 3 best friends and is well liked so it's not that she isnt social adept, she just needs some down time.

In fact, I've been enjoying noticing introverted babies.

3458817417_8b3fd2e7c9.jpg
 

MrME

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This really isn't isn't clear with our current understandings regarding the brain, however there is no doubt that there are some aspects of our brain that are fixed, whilst others can be manipulated, and it is my personal belief that Extraversion/Introversion is one of these. Making a "choice" isn't always congruent with changing oneself however I still believe that it is something that we can consciously choose to do if we apply ourselves the required amount (which will no doubt vary from person to person).

And I believe that you believe this because you don't understand introversion as well as you think you do. I invite you to change your preferences if you honestly believe it's possible. Good luck.
 
V

violaine

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My 11 year old daughter is an obvious introvert and has been since she was born.

She told me "I wish we didn't have a phone or email, I talk enough at school." She has 3 best friends and is well liked so it's not that she isnt social adept, she just needs some down time.

In fact, I've been enjoying noticing introverted babies.

3458817417_8b3fd2e7c9.jpg

Aww to all of the above. Adorable.
 

Moiety

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And I believe that you believe this because you don't understand introversion as well as you think you do. I invite you to change your preferences if you honestly believe it's possible. Good luck.

Well in theory...and after considerable stress...I don't see why an introvert wouldn't be able to grow accustomed to increasingly bigger amounts of social interaction up until a point where they would become more comfortable living like that (which is what preferences are all about anyway). Not saying I agree with Snowey per se, but I don't think I believe this "hardwired" stuff.....at least not to the extent of considering personality preferences completely immutable.
 

Lauren Ashley

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Well in theory...and after considerable stress...I don't see why an introvert wouldn't be able to grow accustomed to increasingly bigger amounts of social interaction up until a point where they would become more comfortable living like that (which is what preferences are all about anyway). Not saying I agree with Snowey per se, but I don't think I believe this "hardwired" stuff.....

:BangHead:
 

Snowey1210

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And I believe that you believe this because you don't understand introversion as well as you think you do. I invite you to change your preferences if you honestly believe it's possible. Good luck.


Cheers, no doubt I probably don't, but hey life's a journey and ignorance is bliss I say, I think knowing it all would be extremely boring. :)

That has got me thinking though is this whole discussion really about E/I differences, or are we really looking at the P/J axis. It seems the majority of the P's believe that you can change yourself, whilst the J's tend to believe that personality is fixed. So maybe after it is all said and done it is this personality trait that really governs everything else that we are. Eg. Perhaps for P's other functions of their personality seem more interchangeable than so for J's. Just a thought...
 

Costrin

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Cheers, no doubt I probably don't, but hey life's a journey and ignorance is bliss I say, I think knowing it all would be extremely boring. :)

That has got me thinking though is this whole discussion really about E/I differences, or are we really looking at the P/J axis. It seems the majority of the P's believe that you can change yourself, whilst the J's tend to believe that personality is fixed. So maybe after it is all said and done it is this personality trait that really governs everything else that we are. Eg. Perhaps for P's other functions of their personality seem more interchangeable than so for J's. Just a thought...

IP chiming in to say I agree with MrME n' stuff.
 

Laurie

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EP who doesn't agree with any of this "introverts can change"

Why would being an extrovert be desired anyway? I wouldn't mind trying introversion for a while. /wigglenose
 

Mole

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EP who doesn't agree with any of this "introverts can change"

Why would being an extrovert be desired anyway? I wouldn't mind trying introversion for a while. /wigglenose

Extroverts are fun for a while, but fun palls without any substance behind it.
 

Mole

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The secret for introverts is to learn to relax.

And then to learn to relax progressively into more and more difficult situations.

Relaxation though needs to be formally practised once every second day for quite a while until it becomes second nature. And practice is the key.

A good place to start is progressively relaxing your muscles one by one and then finally relaxing your mind.

Ainslie Mears teaches this form of relaxation in his book, "Relief Without Drugs".
 

raz

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The secret for introverts is to learn to relax.

And then to learn to relax progressively into more and more difficult situations.

Relaxation though needs to be formally practised once every second day for quite a while until it becomes second nature. And practice is the key.

A good place to start is progressively relaxing your muscles one by one and then finally relaxing your mind.

Ainslie Mears teaches this form of relaxation in his book, "Relief Without Drugs".

TV shows have killed that sort of relaxation to me. It makes it seem so ESxJ. Relaxation involves a certain activity that links my mind with the activity to the point that time becomes second priority. Being a SJ, I'm consistently alert to the current time, however that is only in regard to how I manage my external life. When I'm tending to my internal world, time is irrelevant because it's only an external rule that merely dictates the amount of time I can delegate to my inner world.

One things I'm constantly noticing about extraverts is their incessant need to vocalize their thought process. Note that I said "process." If you observe me, you'll sometimes hear me saying random things, but it's more of that I'm vocalizing bits and pieces of my thought process. 80% of it is going on in my head, and 20% is just being said out loud. Most of the time though, I do that intentionally to get a response from someone else.
 
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Now despite this argument being very presumptive at this stage, I just don't see the E/I axis of someone's personality as being vital indicator of who they are. Yes, it does show how they are reacting to the environment at a particular point of time, but it does seem to fluctuate so much as to be unreliable.


Though new to the details of MBTI and happily an E, I think that the E/I concept is largely about preference and not behavior. Though you can change your actions and reactions, there will always be so many variables that motivate you (Conscious and unconscious) which cannot be controlled or changed.

Someone mentioned preference in relation to need. I think that this is significant. Might I also suggest that changing one's external behavior and somewhat adapting internally, for proplonged peroids can have a detrimental effect upon one's emotional health and well being.
 

Sybyll

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I have a question to those who think that being I or E is a choice: How would you go about doing it? I suppose I'm most curious about how an introvert would become an extrovert...

I'm a pretty strong I, and if I were to guess at how it could be done (if it can be), it would be something like "spend more time with other people", but I've just spent a month in a place where I was never alone (we were two to a room), and I found myself soicializing more than usual, just because people were constantly there, but I still needed some time alone, and I still got tired from being around people; more tired as the month progressed, in fact, because there just wasn't enough alone-time (there were lots and lots of organized activities).

What I just don't get, is how E's "get their energy from" other people (there really needs to be another word for that, doesn't there? It does sound like they're vampires or something). Being around people is not relaxing to me. It just isn't.
 

mortabunt

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Can it be that E/I does not make much sense to you because you are E ?

Just a thought.

I modify that motion: He is an E, but somewhat more open minded that other E's. Here is what it's like for an I: Everywhere you go, you are surrounded by moronically noisy things called people. They say that you need to be with people to be happy, yet being with them makes you depressed. You finnally get away from people, and feel happiness. You go back to people and the life starts comming right out of you. Extraverts can't understand.
 

mortabunt

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P.S.: My I is very hard. If people start talking a lot while I am trying to concentrate, then I feel like slugging them in the face, and yelling, "SHUT UP DUMBASS!" Sometimes, my 92 I puts me into a trance that can't be described in words, except as timeless.
 

King sns

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What I just don't get, is how E's "get their energy from" other people (there really needs to be another word for that, doesn't there? It does sound like they're vampires or something). Being around people is not relaxing to me. It just isn't.

No, I don't think there is another word for it.
Even as I speak my boyfriend is sweeping the house and I find myself migrating to the rooms that he is in with the laptop. Trying to get some energy I spose.
 
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