Fear of Rejection...
Ok my brain scattered in twenty directions when I started reading this post so I guess I have to break it down to make even a little bit of sense.
Fear implies that I'm scared of what someone's answer might be. Usually I don't care much one way or the other what someone thinks of me, the things I do, create or enjoy unless they are already close to me (IE Family, Close Friends or a Romantic Partner). Not caring (maybe 'caring' isnt the right word... maybe not letting others' opinions determine my actions?) what others think tends to make it hard to be afraid of what they might say or think.
If there is someone I'm trying to
impress, maybe a potential boss or someone I'd like to try some savvy INTJ flirting with (How YOU doin?
) there may be a kind of
anxiety wondering what they perceive in me, but I'm not really afraid of it because ultimately it won't affect my personal sense of 'self'. At the worst case it could make things more difficult if a bad reaction works poorly in my 'plan'
and I'd be forced to reconsider my options.
Rejection is ... exactly where my thoughts take off in all directions. I find myself thinking "At what point? In what kind of situation? Group rejection? Relationship rejection? Long term/intimate disclosure rejection?"
I have no problem giving my phone number to a stranger if I think he's cute, although my intentions may be completely hidden by extremely poor flirting... I once gave a cute guy who helped me with my car a business card of mine and told him I'd fix his computer for free if he ever needed it.
In this type of instance I figure what the heck, its a stranger that I'll probably never see again and if he rejects me, doesn't call, or throws my number on the ground like toxic waste, I haven't lost anything. I don't take it personally because they don't
know me personally.
Rejection gets trickier when you get into relationships that matter. Over the years I've determined that its easier to work in a job environment where I more or less 'fit in' and get along with everyone, so I work hard at maintaining a peace with my co-workers and stay friendly with them all, even if it is difficult sometimes. (Office door comes in handy a lot) If I were to be rejected by the group it wouldn't necessarily make me insecure... it would probably result in me trying to find another job though where I could fit in easier. (Probably why I've ended up in the IT world with the other computer dorks
) In this instance, it actually matters what people think because it directly benefits my own happiness and longevity at my job. It isn't a personal thing, just a 'this needs to be in place for me to be able to focus on work' kind of thing.
Relationship rejection is harder still. When you're in a new relationship, everyone (consciously or not) tries to put their 'best foot forward'. You don't necessarily want to show everyone what a weirdo you are on the first date, right? I gather from what others say that it takes me a very long time to open up, and even longer to trust someone. If, at any point before the 'trust' stage, the other person rejects me I figure its their problem, not mine and that we just arent compatible. BUT! Let that rejection come after I've already opened up a lot and they know a lot about me, where each little tidbit that I've revealed to them came at the expense of losing a piece of my own carefully constructed and guarded walls... you'll see a completely insecure, F driven mess. THAT kind of rejection shakes me to the core and I start kicking myself, thinking surely I should have seen a sign somewhere to tell me, warn me that this person was not worthy of knowing such intimate things about me. I replay events, conversations and try to decipher the code so that 'NEXT TIME' I'll 'know'.
