What mental disorder would you say I have?

[Chimerical]

My friend Dillan is very skilled at diagnosing people, according to the DSM-IV relatively quickly and has a dagree in psychology, but he says he has no idea what disorders I have. But mentions they are there.

Contingency, I ordered the DSM-IV from my library since it wasn't there to figure out myself.

I've noted that in relationships a girl will like me but once she gets to know me she has an unexplainable reason for why she just wants to be friends [and all the research I've done on relationships, attraction, intuition, subconscious, and a few minor studies related to the issue points to a problem with me. I do everything correct but people still toss me aside once they get this vibe from me]

I'm constantly depressed and don't understand why everyone who gets close to me runs off, or why when I look at my friends checking their inbox or missed calls they have many messages and people wanting to spend time while I get what they get in a day within about a month.

So, I want to know what's wrong with me so I can fix it. I don't want to be sad anymore.

I don't know what information I need to toss out in order for someone to figure out what's wrong. I don't know exactly why I'm always depressed [aside from obvious concrete things like people I care about keeping a distance from me].

How do I figure all of this out and do any of you know off hand how to diagnose me.

 

[Shaula]

My friend Dillan is very skilled at diagnosing people, according to the DSM-IV relatively quickly and has a dagree in psychology, but he says he has no idea what disorders I have. But mentions they are there.

Contingency, I ordered the DSM-IV from my library since it wasn't there to figure out myself.

First off, the DSM-IV can be very misleading (especially when used for self-diagnosis) since it does not diagnose mental disorders on a physiological basis. It's just a book full of symptoms and possibilities. Also in the way the book is worded a perfectly normal person can easily misdiagnose themselves with some debilitating disorder. You could read that thing through day and night and get nowhere. In fact there could be something wrong with you that has no clear DSM-IV answer. For example, my mother, is without a doubt, insane. She hears voices, sees things, has wild moods swings, is extremely paranoid, and has been repeatedly hosptialised. She was first diagnosed by a professional with 'hypomania', then 'manic-depression, and finally 'paranoid schizophrenia'. Now this is a bit of an extreme case but nonetheless depicts how mental disorders overlap.

I've noted that in relationships a girl will like me but once she gets to know me she has an unexplainable reason for why she just wants to be friends [and all the research I've done on relationships, attraction, intuition, subconscious, and a few minor studies related to the issue points to a problem with me. I do everything correct but people still toss me aside once they get this vibe from me]

This is a contradictory statement. You are saying that something is wrong with you despite that you do everything right. You say you've done research but did you directly inquire to your past girlfriends about this problem? They would be your most valuable source of information particularly if these situations do follow a pattern.

I'm constantly depressed and don't understand why everyone who gets close to me runs off, or why when I look at my friends checking their inbox or missed calls they have many messages and people wanting to spend time while I get what they get in a day within about a month.

You seem lonely. Loneliness can cause depression.

So, I want to know what's wrong with me so I can fix it.

Fixing yourself is difficult because you lack insight to your situation. If you had insight then you would know what's wrong and what to do. That's why it's very useful to get external input, i.e., other people's opinion. How a person builds their views of the external world is dependent on their interpretation of the environment. And often times human beings, especially in a bad psychological state, will misinterpret their environment which can lead them to create false realities (which seems real to them of course). This may not be a factor for you but I'm putting it out there anyway.

I don't know what information I need to toss out in order for someone to figure out what's wrong.

Then toss out anything that's bothering you since you do not know what's specifically wrong. It would be unproductive to omit any information that could possibly be crucial to the understanding of your psychological state.

How do I figure all of this out and do any of you know off hand how to diagnose me.

Long story short, in my opinion, to solve your problem I don't think you need a diagnosis, you need to talk about your feelings. And best with someone who understands you.

 

[velocity]

hmm.. based on vague pieces of your life that everyone can relate to.. sure, i can magically divine the nature of your "broken-ness!" you sound normal to me.. is there something you're not telling me? like the cellar where you are keeping the dead bodies? all the secrets have got to come out if my professional online diagnosis is to be reliable and valid.

yea, like i said. it all sounds like normal stuff. this "vibe" you are probably talking about is just insecurity because you are watching yourself/feeling doomed already. people can pick that shit up faster than an electric pooper scooper. if you've been consistently depressed, talk to a therapist. medication + counseling may be a possibility. i know you probably want to solve this "problem" quickly but efficiency's not the best way to approach the pain you are feeling and you will end up feeling more confused/unresolved in the long run. in the meantime, don't sweat it. it's human stuff.

 

[King sns]

First off, the DSM-IV can be very misleading (especially when used for self-diagnosis) since it does not diagnose mental disorders on a physiological basis. It's just a book full of symptoms and possibilities. Also in the way the book is worded a perfectly normal person can easily misdiagnose themselves with some debilitating disorder. You could read that thing through day and night and get nowhere. In fact there could be something wrong with you that has no clear DSM-IV answer. For example, my mother, is without a doubt, insane. She hears voices, sees things, has wild moods swings, is extremely paranoid, and has been repeatedly hosptialised. She was first diagnosed by a professional with 'hypomania', then 'manic-depression, and finally 'paranoid schizophrenia'. Now this is a bit of an extreme case but nonetheless depicts how mental disorders overlap.


This is a contradictory statement. You are saying that something is wrong with you despite that you do everything right. You say you've done research but did you directly inquire to your past girlfriends about this problem? They would be your most valuable source of information particularly if these situations do follow a pattern.


You seem lonely. Loneliness can cause depression.


Fixing yourself is difficult because you lack insight to your situation. If you had insight then you would know what's wrong and what to do. That's why it's very useful to get external input, i.e., other people's opinion. How a person builds their views of the external world is dependent on their interpretation of the environment. And often times human beings, especially in a bad psychological state, will misinterpret their environment which can lead them to create false realities (which seems real to them of course). This may not be a factor for you but I'm putting it out there anyway.


Then toss out anything that's bothering you since you do not know what's specifically wrong. It would be unproductive to omit any information that could possibly be crucial to the understanding of your psychological state.


Long story short, in my opinion, to solve your problem I don't think you need a diagnosis, you need to talk about your feelings. And best with someone who understands you.

I couldn't have put this any better myself. You can't run to a diagnoses and hide behind it. You need to work your way through problems with a professional who knows your entire situation. Never use DSM.IV yourself. This is for professional use by someone who has been trained and can use critical thinking to decide whether you have a mental illness or just poor coping skills.
The first thing you need to do is gain some insight into your problem. You need to seriously reflect on your emotions, what causes them, what makes them worse, what makes them better. Everyone gets depressed. You get into a rut when you don't take the time to figure out what's causing these dark feelings. Consider everything. Situations, certain people, certain things, certain history.

If you find that you're having trouble doing this, talk to a psychologist. They will help you talk the situations over.

 

[Kalach]

The DSM-IV will probably be an interesting read.

But the life you describe... it's a familiar kind of lonely. So I don't think you're sick.

Like Shaula mentioned, a chance to talk sometime about your feelings would probably make a big difference. (Not fix your feelings, just talk about them--the chance to name them properly and have them recognised lifts a lot of weight.)

That'd explain why your psych buddy can't diagnose you--you're healthy and you'd like someone not to medicalise you.

 

[prplchknz]

dude, be happy you're normal. Why do you want a mental disorder?

 

[Chimerical]

I have yet to meet someone who understands me.
talking to others about my problems doesn't work, it makes things worse.
Diagnosing myself on my own efforts is easy enough for me since I've never failed at anything else I've cared about other than socializing.
I never said I wanted to have a mental disorder, just that I think I have one.

This topic should end because no useful information came from it. Just things I've heard before, tried and tested, and found out didn't work.

 

[Kalach]

Maybe this topic should end but I have a thing I want to say about it because it resonates for me, the part about people getting close and then running off.

I have found that too. I make friends with people and after some time they're not there any more, and I wonder where they went and feel disappointed. I haven't found it to be something wrong with me though, just something disappointing. I have sometimes wondered if I could be more appealing... somehow.

I don't think I can make myself more appealing. More exactly, I can, but only by pushing myself out of my shape. I have the intuition that I could be super-friendly, I could do the work of keeping up contact, I could be the one supplying the energy... and intuition, plus a little experience, says not only will that be exhausting, even if it works it'll still be disappointing. The relationship produced will have something missing: I won't feel them.

Why should this be so? Well, I think I'm really only good at one thing: knowing what's true "out there" and charting what will come next.

This has a result: for people to be interested in me, they have to start being interested by themselves, and keep up that work... by themselves. I can't hook them. Well, I can hook them, but only by doing what I do best, not by working on hooks.

People I knew in high school--by university they were gone. People I knew in university--when I graduated (hell, when I hit third year), they were gone. People I met last year--gone. (Except for my neighbour, because he lives next door.)

I do mind it. But I recognise it as being a product of the way I do, am, act, and think. I am to some degree okay with this. It's not happy, or joyful. I think, however, I can content myself with the thought that it is authentic. I have seen it happen, I have begun to see how it happens, I have begun to know what it means for what comes next.

That's the thing, I think: knowing what it means for what comes next. It produces a focus. Knowing that things are this way for the people I meet and for me, I know what is going to be real (and fake) for the next group of people I will meet. As lonely as the realisation is, I like it. It is, over time, a well-honed tool describing what is real and what isn't.

Dude, you're different from other people. You can do things they can't. You can see it when it happens. And you're not alone in this.


As stupid perhaps and cheesy as it sounds, there's people out there who can cope with this aspect of you. There's people out there who will be delighted, surprised, and challenged by this aspect of you. And you'll know them when you see them.

That's the best I got.

Except I do want to say, I don't believe you're disordered.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Alright. I had written a fabulous post, but I waited too long and got logged out, so now I'm going to just write a summary.

I don't think you have a disorder, though you might have some depression going on. The label is not as important, as everyone else has already pointed out. Understanding what's going on is the most important thing.

In my opinion, you don't have a disorder, but are just a sensitive person. I think you're sensitive to people looking down at you as having a problem, or being incompetent, or being defective, and you respond with both 1) logical argument and 2) frustration/anger. I'm going to bet that you're constantly trying to work around this sensitivity by A) projecting an image of exaggerated confidence like you did in your previous post in this very thread, B) continuously looking out for moments where people get close to looking down at you, and C) react very defensively when people try to talk to you about sensitive subjects. The result is, you annoy people with (A), you are UNAVAILABLE to connect to people on a natural, every day level because of (B) and you push people away with (C).

I'll admit that I only based this on read about 8 of your post in only 2 threads, but that's my assessment.

 

[wildcat]

My father was an INTJ. He is dead now, God bless his soul.

In the sixties my (type:IT) mother spent a month in Paris.
My father was desolate.
I was downtown. He phoned me every day:

- What do we do today? Do you know any good movie? Or we can go to the Bellevue and have four shots of White Horse, each.

During the month, every day we went to the movies, or we dropped at the Bellevue to have four shots of White Horse, each.

The solution is very simple, see? Do not run after these extraverted girls. They are not for you. Find yourself a girl like you, an IT girl.
Marry, and have a child with her.
The child grows up and leaves home. Your wife goes to Paris.
Do not worry. You can always phone your child and ask her out.

If she is downtown, that is.

 

[wildcat]

Alright. I had written a fabulous post, but I waited too long and got logged out, so now I'm going to just write a summary.

I don't think you have a disorder, though you might have some depression going on. The label is not as important, as everyone else has already pointed out. Understanding what's going on is the most important thing.

In my opinion, you don't have a disorder, but are just a sensitive person. I think you're sensitive to people looking down at you as having a problem, or being incompetent, or being defective, and you respond with both 1) logical argument and 2) frustration/anger. I'm going to bet that you're constantly trying to work around this sensitivity by A) projecting an image of exaggerated confidence, B) continuously looking out for moments where people get close to looking down at you, and C) react very defensively when people try to talk to you about sensitive subjects. The result is, you annoy people with (A), you are UNAVAILABLE to connect to people on a natural, every day level because of (B) and you push people away with (C).

I'll admit that I only based this on read about 8 of your post in only 2 threads, but that's my assessment.

Yes.
There is something you neglect, though.

The first round of things.
The beginning of the story.

You are correct.
Only after the event.

 

[uberrogo]

[and all the research I've done on relationships, attraction, intuition, subconscious, and a few minor studies related to the issue points to a problem with me. I do everything correct but people still toss me aside once they get this vibe from me]

Relationships are all about animal instinct. Studying up to do the "proper" thing is counter-productive. Your insticts already know what to do. Bite the back of her neck and get to it. Treating a relationship like a homework assignment is unromantic and is probably somewhat robotic. They are probably all picking up on that. You seem to be suffering from INXJ-itis.

Side note: You may have broken pheremones.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Yes.
There is something you neglect, though.

The first round of things.
The beginning of the story.

You are correct.
Only after the event.

What event would that be?

 

[redacted]

aspergers?

(i have absolutely no idea by the way.)

 

[jenocyde]

Maybe you think too much about it and it gives off an air of desperation, or an air of controlled behavior. Have you tried relaxing and just letting things run their course with friends? Also, do you actively pursue friendships? I mean, some people probably just don't call you because they think you may be standoffish, since you don't call them - do you know what I mean?

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Believe me, in life, there is someone for everyone. You will find your place.

 

[ygolo]

Believe me, in life, there is someone for everyone.

Really? I don't believe it.

As for disorders, you may have over-abstract disorder.

But seriously, you should get your depression checked out by a professional (a psychiatrist, not just a counselor). Letting depression fester can lead to very awful things in the future.

 

[NewEra]

Sounds like plain old depression to me. You should just seek out those people who were your friends but left later on. Maybe you can be happier if you do that.

Maybe this topic should end but I have a thing I want to say about it because it resonates for me, the part about people getting close and then running off.

I have found that too. I make friends with people and after some time they're not there any more, and I wonder where they went and feel disappointed. I haven't found it to be something wrong with me though, just something disappointing. I have sometimes wondered if I could be more appealing... somehow.

I have found sort of the opposite for me. I make friends with people, and I'm the one who isolates from them later on. But for your case (and for Chimerical's), if it bothers you, why don't you just talk to the people who were previously your friends?

aspergers?

(i have absolutely no idea by the way.)

No, I highly doubt it. His/her symptoms don't match that.

 

[Stanton Moore]

It sounds like you have 'checkmated' yourself. None of the life preservers have worked, yet you still are drowning...

I've been there, more than you know. the only really useful thing I can offer you is that you must do things you dont normally do. In order to break free form this way of thinking, you have to do something for yourself that you have not done before.
For me, one thing was exercise. I bought a bike, and started to ride it. It helped me lose some weight, but more importantly, it improved my mood. I also reduced the amount of caffiene ingested, and so I slept better. This helped my mood too. There are probably a few things in your life that you are blind to that could be changed. Really look at your habits, and make a disciplined plan. Remember: what one person can do, another can do. You are not defective. Not at all.

 

[sculpting]

Chimy, I posted some thoughts in your blog and I will post more later. What you feel is VERY real and please do not let us dismiss it as we dont always understand what you are thinking.

The things you describe are VERY, VERY real and I would suggest an anti-depressent and a long talk with a counselor at the very least. Rather than isolate yourself try and remember that in some way each of us in connected to one another. We may never speak, we may never see each other's face, but through our words and our feelings, thoughts, and visions, we are connected. You are part of that connection, a part of that sparsely connected, intangible human family. You are connected to each of us and you are a part of our family. When you feel at your most alone, try and think about those connections and the love those folks feel for you. Remember that we care for you as well.

You have beauty inside of you and it is much appreciated. Keep chatting with us and big hugs. Pm anytime if you want to chat more and sorry if the above sounds corny.

 

[Priori]

You don't have a mental disorder.