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View Poll Results: Generally what's your first internal reaction to unsolicited praise about appearance?

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  • (swoon) Hey, don't stop there, keep going!

    3 6.67%
  • You know, I could really start to enjoy this!

    13 28.89%
  • Okay, I'm flattered... but I'm *really* trying to get something done right now... so please move.

    22 48.89%
  • How transparent! Go away, pig!

    7 15.56%
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  1. #71
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    As one more female weighing in to the debate, I do appreciate compliments that are sincere and made in a non-threatening way. I've noticed the descriptors "creepy" and "threatening" come up in more than one response to this thread.

    Since you're addressing women on the topic of "unanticipated flattery", I would beg to quantify this phenomenon into three groupings: absolutely sincere recognitions of physical beauty/health/youth/defiance of age/intelligence, overtures in a non-threatening manner, and creepy/street harassment.

    The most genuine compliment I received lately was at work, when someone told me "you have the most amazing eyebrows!" It was, perhaps, slightly unorthodox, and coming from a woman, so I was happy.

    In a bar/club/coffeehouse/on campus, I'll get guys who compliment me and do expect to follow up to something more. After hearing that I'm not single, some of them stick around to talk to me like an actual person, others trail away in a non-creepy manner. I understand that if you're looking for a lovemate, I might be a waste of your time, so I don't judge the slinkers.

    But street harassment, or compliments that happen in a setting of unequal power relations, are decidedly creepy and not appreciated. I'm relatively attractive (much of that is youth and good genes), not super-beautiful, but I get "holla'd" a lot. Sometimes, it makes me afraid to walk by a group of men if I'm walking down the street. I used to smile or just say "hi" in hopes that these guys would just leave me alone, but that seemed to provoke further comments on my physical attributes/my friendliness/my fuckability, so I've decided not to do that so much. The thing with the street harassment is, that now that I don't smile or acknowledge it in any way, I always (every single time I've done it) hear something along the lines of "uppity bitch" or "we don't like the stuck-up ones anyways". You know what? I'm just walking down the street, trying to mind my own business.

    So, dude, it is kinda different for women. Sometimes, it's genuine, but sometimes it's a challenge to your ability to walk down the street minding your own business, or being able to do your job without having to hear from married middle-aged men how beautiful you are, how that outfit looks hot on you, or having air-kisses blown your way (all of which have happened to me at work.)

    I do love having sincere compliments, but the other baggage gets in the way.

  2. #72

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    Honestly, I have never met a female in real life who dislike flattery of her appearance, whether she anticipated it or not. Most of the time they couldn't help smiling back at you... rapport established!!

    It's wonderful how much a positive comment about her hairstyle could do to her day. Of course I'm talking about those gorgeous ESFX girls who roam this planet.

  3. #73
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kashka View Post
    As one more female weighing in to the debate, I do appreciate compliments that are sincere and made in a non-threatening way. I've noticed the descriptors "creepy" and "threatening" come up in more than one response to this thread.

    Since you're addressing women on the topic of "unanticipated flattery", I would beg to quantify this phenomenon into three groupings: absolutely sincere recognitions of physical beauty/health/youth/defiance of age/intelligence, overtures in a non-threatening manner, and creepy/street harassment.

    The most genuine compliment I received lately was at work, when someone told me "you have the most amazing eyebrows!" It was, perhaps, slightly unorthodox, and coming from a woman, so I was happy.

    In a bar/club/coffeehouse/on campus, I'll get guys who compliment me and do expect to follow up to something more. After hearing that I'm not single, some of them stick around to talk to me like an actual person, others trail away in a non-creepy manner. I understand that if you're looking for a lovemate, I might be a waste of your time, so I don't judge the slinkers.

    But street harassment, or compliments that happen in a setting of unequal power relations, are decidedly creepy and not appreciated. I'm relatively attractive (much of that is youth and good genes), not super-beautiful, but I get "holla'd" a lot. Sometimes, it makes me afraid to walk by a group of men if I'm walking down the street. I used to smile or just say "hi" in hopes that these guys would just leave me alone, but that seemed to provoke further comments on my physical attributes/my friendliness/my fuckability, so I've decided not to do that so much. The thing with the street harassment is, that now that I don't smile or acknowledge it in any way, I always (every single time I've done it) hear something along the lines of "uppity bitch" or "we don't like the stuck-up ones anyways". You know what? I'm just walking down the street, trying to mind my own business.

    So, dude, it is kinda different for women. Sometimes, it's genuine, but sometimes it's a challenge to your ability to walk down the street minding your own business, or being able to do your job without having to hear from married middle-aged men how beautiful you are, how that outfit looks hot on you, or having air-kisses blown your way (all of which have happened to me at work.)

    I do love having sincere compliments, but the other baggage gets in the way.

    Sometimes, when I walk down the streets with sunglasses on (maybe people can't see my facial features or something), random older males always stare and honk at me from their cars. Once, this person licked his lips at me. That has scarred me for life. It was so disgusting and horrifying. I wasn't even wearing "provocative" clothing either, I was just wearing normal baggy jeans and a loose shirt. I ran home. That was so, so terrible.
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  4. #74
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    It depends. I think in general I dislike flattery commentaries due to my emotional abuse but I learn to "accept" them. I have gotten better at merely nodding and saying thank you.

    But if I don't know you at all I feel quite uncomfortable. I will not know how to take it really. If you are like that one coworker wanting me to twirl for you I might even get pissed off. I don't really like to be noticed just for my "appearance". I wear what I wear because I like it not because YOU like it...


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  5. #75
    phallus impudicus
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    No, it is not welcome and I absolutely hate it.

  6. #76
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    Well, my perspective would be a bit different as an AFAB who experiences strong gender dysphoria.

    However, I really do like compliments, but only about certain things. I really love hearing flattery about the muscles I've worked hard to develop. Hearing flattery about my clothes is okay, but I perceive these comments to be shallow, especially since I don't put much value into what I wear. (Yes, I look neat, but that's because I value hygiene.). I don't mind being told I look good as long as I can sense it's in a non-sexual way (i.e. from a friend who'd never see me in that light). I like hearing something unique, like someone commenting on my eyebrows (got the inspiration from a previous post, but this has happened to me on several occasion), or that one person who said that I have a nice, small nose in a weirdly non-sexual way. Even if I don't agree, I appreciate the effort.

    I don't want to hear anything else. Most compliments seem to be gender-related and I hate that. I'm pretty ugly fortunately so I never get cat-called or anything like that. I hate people hitting on me otherwise. I especially hate "flattery" related to femininity. If you wouldn't give the compliment you're giving me to a guy, then I don't want to hear it. For example, never tell me about how petite I am. Anything about the more female-looking parts of me will send my mind on a rampage toward dysphoria.

    I don't know how to respond to compliments, though, even if I like them. I usually giggle or say thanks if they're one that I enjoy. If it's one that messes with my dysphoria, I'll still probably thank them but get the hell out of there.
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  7. #77
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    Random stranger on the street? I don't mind it if it's something harmless/tame, I suppose. A kind compliment about my hair or something would be fine. Anything lewd or overly aggressive will be met with a stern resting bitch face.

    In my professional life, it irks the HELL out of me how many men get super fucking creepy. I'm a goddamn educated professional wearing a uniform at my place of employment - My career dictates that I must be alone in a room with you, don't make it fucking weird. I legitimately wear a fake wedding band to work because it cuts down on the incidence of men making me SUPER uncomfortable while I'm trying to help them, but it sure doesn't eliminate it. When I started out, it was harder to deal with. I'd nervously laugh and try not to make it awkward. Not these days. I will look them in the eyes, shame them, and try to make them feel as awkward as they made me feel. I have NO tolerance for that shit.

    Legitimately started taking MMA/self defense courses after a man reached out and touched my thigh while I was trying to work. I'm going to put some asshole in a rear naked choke one day over this shit.
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  8. #78
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    it’s fine as long as they are not expecting anything other than a “thanks” in return, because they’re not getting it.
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  9. #79
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    I have trouble taking comments about my appearance, even when they are positive and well natured and generally prefer to not receive them at all. This is probably due in part to being bullied about my appearance/a struggle to identify motive as well as a general aversion and fear of being seen as attractive or pretty
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  10. #80
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    Being a hermit for the past year has meant I don't get many in person compliments lately. Back when I got more, they were probably 70% from women and not men. And the men were all respectful and sometimes old and cute and I didn't get creeped out or annoyed at all. I loved it because I consistently have low self regard in that way.
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