What is the hardest decision you've ever had to make?

[Biaxident]

Hardest decision I ever had to make was to let a few people I love go.

Me too. You just hope that someday they will begin to see clearly.

Ditto.


To the OP: Deciding to go it alone at 15, or living under my asshole step-father for a few more years.

 

[Night]

NFs are fascinating entities.

Such glittering vulnerability alongside complex psychological depth. Truly envious of your range, I am.

 

[Biaxident]

Ditto.


To the OP: Deciding to go it alone at 15, or living under my asshole step-father for a few more years.

And then deciding I was too proud/stubborn to accept help.

I was a dumbass.

 

[Domino]

Me too. You just hope that someday they will begin to see clearly. Still, I can't fully give up on anyone.

It's difficult. I agonize over these sorts of decisions, and even after I've made them, I feel very wounded and ill at ease for quite a while afterward. I'm about growing branches not cutting them off. If someone else's problems are diseasing the tree, they have to go.

 

[Rajah]

Leaving my husband.

It would have been easier if he'd been a jerk, but he isn't.

 

[Totenkindly]

It would have been easier if he'd been a jerk, but he isn't.

It's always easier if the other person gives you an excuse. Sigh. It's the nice/good ones who complicate things.

It's difficult. I agonize over these sorts of decisions, and even after I've made them, I feel very wounded and ill at ease for quite a while afterward. I'm about growing branches not cutting them off. If someone else's problems are diseasing the tree, they have to go.

Word.

 

[Lasting_Pain]

To be someone is only possible if there is something or someone to measure yourself with. And Measuring is totally overrated, if you have got the eagles eye and can guess the length to two decimal places by just one look

Looking back it was foolish about me doubting myself. But I was young, my hormones and emotions got the best of me so I decided to run with the pack. Can you imagine an INTP running with a pack? It is a bad site.

 

[Mole]

The hardest thing was breaking up with my girlfriend.

I knew that if she felt she was breaking up with me, she would walk away feeling whole and on her own two feet - taking control of her own life.

But if she felt dumped by me, she would feel out of control as though the decision had been taken out of her hands.

So the problem was how to actually take the decision out of her hands but for her to break up with me - for her to dump me.

And she did. She told me, "I never want to see you again". And she didn't.

And she went on to stand on her own two feet in LA and help others stand on their own two feet by founding her own self-help organisation.

I often wonder if I made the right decision as I struggle to stand on my own two feet.

We could have continued to support each other - and indeed it was sweet support - but there is nothing quite like taking responsibility for oneself - even if one is to fail.

 

[LucrativeSid]

Nothing really comes to mind. I suppose the most difficult ones were deciding whether or not to be with someone anymore. I roll with things that only affect myself pretty easily, but those kinds of decisions are a bit more difficult to make. Looking back, most of the most "difficult" decisions I've made seem pretty trivial to me now. I've been fortunate, though, to have never had to make any extremely difficult decisions, like deciding to take someone off of life support, or reporting the serious crime of a friend.

 

[garbage]

A two-way tie. Sort of.

I was wondering the hell my career path was going be after I graduated with my bachelors. This would involve possibly switching fields and/or moving clear across the country. I ended up sticking around this city but moving to a different field for my next degree, using my accumulated experience from the previous to give me a niche in the market.

Then, I was wondering the hell my career path was going be after I graduated with my masters. This would involve possibly switching fields and/or moving clear across the country. I ended up sticking around this city but moving to a different field for my next degree, using my accumulated experience from the previous to give me a niche in the market.

Thankfully, I know exactly where I'm headed after the Ph.D.

 

[BlackCat]

I made the decision to tell my mom I would never see her again until she quit the cult she was in. I didn't see her for about 6 months, she almost went crazy. But I had to do it, it was sapping her money and wasn't really giving anything in return. It was about "spiritual growth" and "healing" but it wasn't doing any of those things, and it was an insane money sap. So I had to do it. My parents were divorced so I stayed with my dad until things changed. I had to avoid her a lot in those 6 months. I was 14.

 

[Headstrong]

Realizing that I cannot and never will be able to fix my parents' marriage.

 

[juggernaut]

Hardest decision: Giving up a child

Factors: His safety, the safety of my other children, my safety, and his future.

 

[Nocapszy]

I've never had any hard decisions.
Well, you might think "Oh that's just 'cause you have a boring life Nocap" and you'd be right.

I do have a boring life.

But for me decisions are all very straightforward... it's as though things just come to me. I've never really been faced with any kind of a moral/relational dilemma, but I guarantee that shit would be easy for me to do too.

Here's how I know. I love my animals. I really do. They're effin' awesome.
When my cat, who was older than me -- probably like... 20 by the end of it... he was a fucking fighter. even as an oldie he kicked other cat's asses. he owned the neighborhood -- and I loved that cat. We'd had him since I was born. I knew he wasn't, but he felt like a fixture in my life. A staple for the day.

In his last few months, things became real rough for him. I had to build a set of wooden stairs because he couldn't jump up onto the counter anymore to get to his bowl and we couldn't just leave the bowl on the floor to be eaten by my youngest brother.

I suggested we had him whacked. It didn't even phase me. I just knew it was tard-balls to keep him alive and in pain and struggling and all that.

It wasn't hard at all. It was just another event.
Cat was suffering, time to take him out. Sure I wanted him around, but I knew he wasn't going to be.


Same thing happened to my dog a few years earlier. Ol' boy had a tumor. He died on the operating table. I understood. I was 8. I knew what had to happen. I was mad, but accepting it was as simple as accepting that I was wearing a red shirt (I remember... god I hated that fucking shirt).

The same year my great grandfather died. The adults thought I wasn't sad because I didn't understand. I understood perfectly.
By that age I'd actually figured out that death meant to cease breathing (well I know now that it's a bit more complex than that), but to me it meant nothing. I liked the guy. He taught me a whole bunch of math.
I guess I was angry that I wasn't going to learn more math, but I knew what had to happen. Mommy and Daddy gave me the 'birds and bees' talk about death early on.

So I got it. It was never a big deal for me.


Well anyway the point is, I'm not deterred from doing what I think needs done because of the ultimate.

Sure, if it can be avoided, I avoid it, but if it can't, no big deal. It was bound to happen anyway, after all.


And please NFs don't jump on me about having Caulfield syndrome or some other preoccupation with death. I have a different obsession.

 

[EcK]

I'm so going to recruit some istj to file that data and blackmail all of you guys.

 

[Totenkindly]

....I have a different obsession.

Yes, the hardest decision I've ever made was turning Nocaps down.

(Reasons I based my decision on: He couldn't buy me drinks. Yet.)

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I have had a few difficult decisions. One was to give up the idea of God. I'm agnostic not because it feels right, or because I'm angry at god or religious people. I don't think my reasoning is necessarily superior to people who ascribe to a religion, since I am merely a product of my experiences and can point to a place in time where I held irrational assumptions like anyone might. The implications of agnosticism can have negative emotional impact on me. The reason I hold that position is because it is the honest position. It is the natural conclusion for the actual doubts I have. It isn't comfortable, but it makes sense.

The important decisions in my life have not been based on how comfortable they feel to me. I have made personal decisions that were painful and frightening, but were reasonable and had positive outcomes that were clear if I looked past the current feelings about it. I am tough on myself and will dismiss anything I feel about something if it gets in the way of a decision based on honesty (i.e. the reality of the situation).

 

[phoenity]

Refusing to go visit my father, knowing he had been sick for awhile, when he called after having not heard from him in over a year. I didn't attempt to contact him either, but only because I was stubborn teen.

He passed away two weeks later. That made it a decision I'll regret for the rest of my life and nothing will ever hurt as badly. I have to learn things the hard way.

 

[Stanton Moore]

It's difficult. I agonize over these sorts of decisions, and even after I've made them, I feel very wounded and ill at ease for quite a while afterward. I'm about growing branches not cutting them off. If someone else's problems are diseasing the tree, they have to go.

It's a hard choice for sure, but it needs to be made...

It took me a long time to realize that it was important for me to do this for myself, since I tend to put my own needs near the bottom of the list. It's seems contrary to the natural tendency to help, but sometimes peole need to know how you feel about their actions. It helps you and them.
Maybe the trick is to take a longer view of the relationship and not see is as cutting them off forever.

 

[Stanton Moore]

Refusing to go visit my father when he called after having not heard from him in over a year. I didn't attempt to contact him either, but only because I was stubborn teen.

He passed away two weeks later. That made it a decision I'll regret for the rest of my life and nothing will ever hurt as badly. I have to learn things the hard way.

That's very sad. I'm sorry you experienced such a thing at a young age.