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Emotion control

Snow Turtle

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"A mature adult is one who controls their emotions. If I don't control my feelings, I may do something I'll regret."

I've noticed my FJ friend restrains negative emotions, where as the FP would just express it.

How much does this statement apply to people here? Do you think it's true or a useful belief?
 
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Amargith

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I think I do restrain my emotions, but the areas where we do it might be different, as could be the motivation.

As an FP, I tend to actively seek opportunities where I can let go of all my emotions without wreaking havoc on others or burdening others, as I make it a point to reign in my emotions when I'm amongst people. If I don't, people tell me I'm too intense and are scared of me *sigh*

Such opportunities might range from going to a karaokebar to let go of my silly side and be able to be as noisy as I wanna be, to staying at home all alone and watching sad movies and listening to sad music in order to digest my own sad feelings.
 

Giggly

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"A mature adult is one who controls their emotions. If I don't control my feelings, I may do something I'll regret."

I've noticed my FJ friend restrains negative emotions, where as the FP would just express it.

Do other SJs identity with this thinking pattern? Do you think it's a useful belief?

Yes, I identify. I feel guilt for feeling negative emotions and talk myself out of them. And the guilt is 10 times worse if I express them to someone else and burden them with it.
 

frenchkiss

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I can relate to that statement. I don't think it's useful or healthy, though. I think it probably has at least as much to do with upringing and background as type.

Such opportunities might range from going to a karaokebar to let go of my silly side and be able to be as noisy as I wanna be, to staying at home all alone and watching sad movies and listening to sad music in order to digest my own sad feelings.

I do this kind of stuff too. It might be hard for me to direct my feelings towards someone else, but it's not really possible for me to, like, internally vaporize them if that makes sense? So there are other outlets, like those.
 

Spectre of the spam

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For some reason my emotions are way more muted than others people. I really don't feel that strongly about many things, and when I do I don't express them that easily. Or, other people are just childishly bad at controlling themselves.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I think maturity (or wisdom) has to do with how you understand your emotional and cognitive reactions, not whether you control them. Immature people have no space to perceive their reactions, and just end up reacting immediately without considering from where their thoughts and feelings originate (anger is the quintessential example) and how to best deal with the situation, their reaction being one component of the situation. Mature people are able to pause and reflect on the origin of their response which usually gives rise to personal responsibility rather than blame. That time also gives people an opportunity to put their hurt in perspective and make a wise decision on how best to respond.
 

Tayshaun

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Immature people have no space to perceive their reactions, and just end up reacting immediately without considering from where their thoughts and feelings originate (anger is the quintessential example) and how to best deal with the situation, their reaction being one component of the situation. Mature people are able to pause and reflect on the origin of their response which usually gives rise to personal responsibility rather than blame.

Mindfulness, awareness, letting go.

Yes, I can see how a practice of meditation and mindfulness should help nudge one on a path towards emotional maturity. I agree control should not be the goal.

Welcoming, then releasing.
 

aufs klo

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I'm really good at expressing my positive emotions, negative ones on the other hand...

I tend to just put my negative vibes, then default to avoid conflict--it's a problem, i know
 

placebo

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Emotions are tough stuff for me. Especially dealing with the negative ones at home, since I've never really been taught how to express them well--mainly suppress them, and there's a difference between suppressing emotions and restraining them. Control of emotions is probably a good thing to have, but control in a good way--knowing how best to express them. It definitely can wreak havoc if you let a negative emotion get the best of you.
 

aufs klo

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my best friend (entj) and i recently got into a mini big fight. long story simplified, she would do something that would make me feel under-appreciated, and i'd shoot out vibes stong enough that even an entj would know something was bothering me, but then just ignore the root problem. i wanted her to bring it up, and i honestly really wanted to talk about it, but every time it was brought up i would shut down, unable to really talk about it.

we got through it (even after (justifiably) blowing up at her), but today, after doing that same thing to me, she gave me a call and said to me exctly what i wanted her to say. don't think i really handled it in the best way, but you know how sometimes you need others to recognize your feelings?


so... kind of pointless rambling, but i think there's a message in there... don't expect others to read your mind? maybe i just wanted to pat her on the back to someone?
 

Lady_X

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i can control negative ones pretty well...i think.
meaning...i don't have to express them...not that i handle them appropriately...unless it's something that makes me a lil mad...i think i can talk about it pretty easily without loosing my temper...i think i just like to resolve it quickly and move on...but sad ones...can't deal with...i do something to make myself happy immediately usually.
 

aufs klo

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so it seems as it NFPs are great at controlling negative emotions, just awfull at using them constructivly
 

Lady_X

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yep...seems that way...wouldn't even know what constructive use looked like honestly...i mean...just going through it...as a healing thing...nope...not so much.
 

Anja

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I don't like to use the word "control" in this context. "Dealing" with them works better for me. I don't think stifling emotions is a healthy response to them.

The majority of things we see doctors for are stress-related and a great deal of unrecognized stress is caused by "stuffing" feelings. They come out in physical ways - headaches, muscle tension, flare-ups of psychological problems, even stroke and heart attack. I've even seen literature correlating cancer with repressed anger. And many people believe that depression has a difficulty with anger component.

I can't quote statistics, but IIRC, the percentage of people getting medical help for something stress-related is in the seventieth percentile. Huge.

My thought? Control behavior, not feelings.
 

Lady_X

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anja...i think we're all in agreement of that...never meant to imply it was a good thing to not deal with negative emotions...and i know that it comes out physically...i've had panic/anxiety attacks and had no idea why...thought i was having a heart attack or something...really scary.

i actually have a hard time making big life altering decisions because the stress of it can be debilitating...it's a weird...and not good.
 

Anja

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No criticism implied, erin. Offering a less harsh (to my ear) vocabulary here.

Are any of you familiar with Susan Sontag? She wrote a book called Illness As Metaphor and later, The Metaphors of AIDS. Both of these express thoughts about how society shapes and views those who develop disease.

But, then that is veering from the OP. Still, good reading for those interested in the emotional/social aspects of illness.
 

Anja

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Here's an INFP thought:

I've been thinking about these folks who wind up the "world's largest ball of twine" and stuff like that. They spend their lives in what seems like meaningless occupation. I've had the thought that that action is a method of stifling something very strong inside of them which they prefer not to act upon.

And I have known people who are "too busy." Always "too busy" for whatever. I sometimes wonder if they aren't trying to run away from some intense feelings.
 

Lady_X

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you know...i should maybe clarify that i think i do alright with those feelings alone...i'm pretty good at psychoanalyzing myself...and that's the mode i get into when i need to work things out...and occasionally i'll speak to close friends or family about these things...i'm not a completely closed book...but i don't allow myself to be very vulnerable in this way...i don't think...i think my speech is usually pretty matter of fact and just kind of going over the conclusions i've come to. i don't like to be comforted so i think i intentionally act in a way that wouldn't elicit that response.
 

Anja

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I think that's true for me also, erin. I'm pretty independent when it comes to taking care of my emotions.
 
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