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Humbling yourself to others

proteanmix

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How often do you do this? How do you respond to a person who is humble in character? How often do you meet people who you think are humble? Is it refreshing? I'm defining humble as:

  • Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful
  • Freedom from pride or arrogance.
  • Modest or meek in spirit, manner or appearance, not proud
  • someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others

Another vein of humility that I'd like people to touch on is this:

to lower in condition, importance, or dignity

How comfortable would you feel deferring or submitting yourself to someone even though you have absolutely no reason to? You and the other person are equal in intelligence, ability, and rank but you humble yourself to them, or rather take on the 'lesser' role. The person isn't trying to take advantage of you or be malicious towards you, but you choose that to be your role in this particular relationship. How would you feel about this dynamic?

I guess I'll ask if you think you're a humble person, but my inner cynic tells me this is like asking if someone thinks they're a good person. Everyone thinks they are but uh...
 

Quinlan

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It comes naturally to me and I don't like it.
 

pippi

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I guess I'll ask if you think you're a humble person, but my inner cynic tells me this is like asking if someone thinks they're a good person. Everyone thinks they are but uh...
Actually I had a visceral reaction to the word humble, I don't consider myself humble at all. Does that make me arrogant? Maybe, but I think of myself as neutral.

I respect others, but don't humble myself for them, and I expect to be treated with respect in return.
 

proteanmix

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Actually I had a visceral reaction to the word humble, I don't consider myself humble at all. Does that make me arrogant? Maybe, but I think of myself as neutral.

I respect others, but don't humble myself for them, and I expect to be treated with respect in return.

Thanks pippi.

I seriously had that reaction too. I instinctively bucked at it, which doesn't bode well for me.

But I want to say this is not about being disrespected or debased or anything like that. I'm talking about the quality of being humble.
 

disregard

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Humility is attractive when the person is guilty before me in some way, but if their humility hinders the development of emotional intimacy (conflict-avoidance tends to do that), then it will ultimately work against them.
 

SillySapienne

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Truly humble people don't go around publicizing their humility.

In fact, I don't even know if truly humble people view themselves as such.
 

proteanmix

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Humility is attractive when the person is guilty before me in some way, but if their humility hinders the development of emotional intimacy (conflict-avoidance tends to do that), then it will ultimately work against them.

Why do you pair humility with being at fault?
 

colmena

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A pretense of humbleness can be one of the better manifestations of poor self-esteem.

I'd say humility is an ideal, but if being humble is a conscious effort, you're likely not very good at it yet. And perhaps practice isn't the best way of obtaining it.
 

tenINsFJ

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Interesting topic. I'll even "stoop" down to be humble. I'd rather hide myself and my abilities to others. All of my friends say I'm way too humble and never give myself credit for the things I do. I've always had this thought that there is no reason to brag about anything because actions and accomplishments will show it all I suppose. And the more I think about it, I'm generally more humble with people because in my mind, not being humble has potential to put people down maybe? And I don't like to bring attention to myself, nor do I want people to ever think of me as arrogant. So I never talk about things that I'm good at and stuff like that. I'll let them talk and tell everything. heh.
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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For some reason, most of the people I've dated have been very very humble and very accomplished, too. Kind of the opposite of me. Heh.

Submission is an interesting subject. I submit to some people on the outside, usually based on their aggressiveness. But it's fake. I only really submit to people who are really intelligent, but only after a long fight. I rarely submit to these people, too. In fact, I rarely submit.
 

SillySapienne

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Interesting topic. I'll even "stoop" down to be humble. I'd rather hide myself and my abilities to others. All of my friends say I'm way too humble and never give myself credit for the things I do. I've always had this thought that there is no reason to brag about anything because actions and accomplishments will show it all I suppose. And the more I think about it, I'm generally more humble with people because in my mind, not being humble has potential to put people down maybe? And I don't like to bring attention to myself, nor do I want people to ever think of me as arrogant. So I never talk about things that I'm good at and stuff like that. I'll let them talk and tell everything. heh.
I see more pragmatism than humility behind this approach. :thelook:

And...

"I've always had this thought that there is no reason to brag about anything because actions and accomplishments will show it all I suppose"

WORD!!!
 

Quinlan

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Referring to yourself as humble only implies that your better than others (and therefore not truly humble) if you see it as a great virtue (it's not!).
 

proteanmix

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Referring to yourself as humble only implies that your better than others (and therefore not truly humble) if you see it as a great virtue (it's not!).

So is being humble something that must be bestowed to a person by other people?

If you think of yourself as a humble person does that disqualify you from truly being humble?

Does this apply to other virtues like being kind, compassionate, or merciful or is humility different...it can only be bestowed by others, not a trait you think is inherent to yourself?
 

Quinlan

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So is being humble something that must be bestowed to a person by other people?

If you think of yourself as a humble person does that disqualify you from truly being humble?

Only if you also think that being humble sets you above others in some way.

Does this apply to other virtues like being kind, compassionate, or merciful or is humility different...it can only be bestowed by others, not a trait you think is inherent to yourself?

The difference is a lot of people (it seems) believe that being humble sets you above others in some way and therefore if you claim it for yourself it's contradictory. However I see arrogance and humilty as two ends of a spectrum and neither of them are a very healthy way to be or something to be proud of.
 

LucrativeSid

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It's not that I like arrogance, but I'm not a big fan of being humble. Now, I have a big ego and everybody knows that, but I do possess the ability to be humbled at times. In other words, there's some situations where I completely forget about my own ego. I am capable of experiencing humility, and I have no problems with it if it's necessary. And I would never like letting someone be above me in any way, but if neither of us thinks it, I don't know how it happens. I'm not attracted to humility, but it's not necessarily a turn off unless the person lacks confidence. (Often, the person with low self-esteem is the most arrogant anyway.)

All in all, I've never thought of being humble as a good thing, and I've never tried to adopt that trait for myself or to seek it out in others. I celebrate the ego, both in myself, and in other people. Some egos are annoying and rude, but some cars are ugly, and some food tastes bad. Some egos are funny, powerful, and sexy, and I like that. As long as you have the ability to be real and use your heart and forget yourself when you need to, I'm cool.
 

Hirsch63

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When you've exhausted all the energy needed to maintain pretense and ego and you learn that in the end, our work shows quite plainly what we are. Having taken to heart all the lessons implicit in attempting mastery of any kind you are free to enjoy humility; the truest sort that derives from empathy. It is not bestowed mindlessly or mindfully; it is (simply) a way of walking that will be earned.

It is not humiliation, or submission or political posturing.
 

mlittrell

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one on one with people im quite humble. at least i hope i am
 
T

ThatGirl

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I humble myself all the time, and it is really a shame because there is so much brilliance that is not seen. But i am really extreme with the humbling, never the less. I would venture as far as to say that I am the most humble person i know of,....or probably exists.
 

LostInNerSpace

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A pretense of humbleness can be one of the better manifestations of poor self-esteem.

I'd say humility is an ideal, but if being humble is a conscious effort, you're likely not very good at it yet. And perhaps practice isn't the best way of obtaining it.

Actually it's the opposite. Arrogant people have low self-esteem. Humble people have high self-esteem. You are confusing humble with doormat.
 
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