Masks

[ThatGirl]

I always wear a mask and I think it really offends people.



I just don't understand what's wrong with jumping out of dark places and corners looking like V for Vendetta

 

[Anja]

I have quite a few of them in my closet along with a full suit of emotional armor. A necessity for an INFP.

The only time I take one out is when I need to get something done with a person who has no interest in knowing who I am and whom I don't care to get any closer to. Works for me.

 

[Kora]

I have a few, the one I use the most is a very aggressive and directive one (ENTJ?) when I feel threatened or stressed.
Sometimes, I think I've lost the real 'me' under all of them.

 

[Anja]

I think, Kora, that just the fact that you are aware that you chose to use a "mask" in certain situations is a good thing. You certainly aren't "lost."

Perhaps it bothers you, though, in which case as you move through life you'll be picking up new skills for dealing with those whom feel threatening in some way and feel more solid.

I think we only feel lost when we feel helpless to use anything but a mask.

 

[Mole]

I have a few, the one I use the most is a very aggressive and directive one (ENTJ?) when I feel threatened or stressed.
Sometimes, I think I've lost the real 'me' under all of them.

Yes, this is the danger of wearing masks, we can lose touch with the real me.

And also we individuate by integrating all the disparate parts of ourselves.

And as we integrate, we become stronger and have a lesser need to wear masks.

And after a while masks become distasteful as we develop a taste for our whole self.

And we become whole. Or if you are religious, we become holy.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Every single person who knows me, knows a different me. But does this even count as a mask? Because in esence, these are just random recollections of myself.

Sounds familiar.


In my case there is no way I can link things I am thinking about every day and everyday life.



It is interesting to see that some types are so often in this thread.

 

[Anja]

Well, AO, like I said, NFPs can feel so intensely that it is a necessity to learn how to deal well with our feelings. Part of the learning process is trying on different types of masks to see what fits.

 

[mlittrell]

i dont act like a different type but when talking to my ISTJ friend, for instance, i will tailor my jokes and the way i talk to make them most comfortable with talking to me. i act differently around different people in one on one situations. in a group i act like myself but i restrain a little. unless its my best friends of course.

 

[nolla]

I have quite a few of them in my closet along with a full suit of emotional armor.

I don't know why, but I very much like this comment... the way puppies like toys.

 

[bluebell]

I chameleon/put on a mask all the time. XNTJ at work at times, XSFJ when I'm making myself chat to people.

I'm me with my partner, most of the time.

I'm trying to break the habit of chameleoning and mirroring. I don't particularly like doing it any more.

 

[wolfy]

The Japanese have two exquisite words for this - "tatemae", and "hon'ne".

The Japanese understand this so well because they wear such refined social masks.

But understanding social masks so well they naturally understand the opposite - one's true feelings.

Yes, "tatemae", is your social mask and, "hon'ne", is your true feelings.

But ask Wolfy to give us a deeper and more accurate understanding of, "hon'ne", and "tatemae".

It's wonderful, isn't it, to discover this concept in another language and another culture.

This I've found very true.
It's quite liberating when the mechanics of social conventions are exposed.

I have to think how to explain "hon'ne", and "tatemae".

In Japan everybody knows the rules so you can wear your mask and it will be plain as day what your true feelings are.

Let me think...

 

[Salomé]

All introverts have to wear a mask when they are interacting, don't they?
I can't remember which typology book it is that uses the analogy of the general in the tent (Dom introverted function) and the lieutenant in charge of communications (auxiliary extroverted function).
With introverts, you never get to see the general, only his deputy.

 

[kuranes]

Wolfie's Japanese categories remind me of this:

"The Moon Moth"

My favorite story about masks - read it versus this summary, if you can. Unfortunately, I couldn't find an online version. If you are too impatient to find and read the wonderful award winning story itself, here is the summary....
Jack Vance's _The Moon Moth_ - A Summary

I am also a mask collector, with most being made long ago by certain African tribes.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm terrified of masks- the idea that I can't read the facial expressions of the human behind the mask really unsettles me. I am somewhat saddened by this since I spend less time than I'd like in the African wing of the art museum because, even though I'll be staring in awe at some bead work on a dress I'll notice the vacant eyes of a mask staring out at me from the walls above

To the OP- I've merely learned to reflect what people want to see from me by now in order to get through life the most easily. I'll be anyone I need to be in order to get my way and not get punished for things When left to my own devices and while hanging out with someone who doesn't expect me to be anything else I'm ENTP- elsewhere I could be anything.

 

[kuranes]

Trivia re: the "Who's On Line" feature - I can't remember whether it is here, or at INTPc, but I notice that at almost all times there is someone ( usually listed as "guest" ) reading a thread called something like "Type Most Likely To Be a Chameleon". I always wonder if it is usually a new person each time, or if it is...that same person....very fascinated.

 

[miss fortune]

^ better than my paranoia that it's really my boss lurking as a guest and reading what I say

 

[INA]

I have a few, the one I use the most is a very aggressive and directive one (ENTJ?) when I feel threatened or stressed.

Ditto, though I can't say for sure that it's only stress or a threat that brings it on. I know I get like this when I think people are wasting my time (generally) or if people I care about need to have something done quickly and efficiently.

Sometimes, I think I've lost the real 'me' under all of them.

I hear you (*thinks of her infp days*).

 

[Anja]

All introverts have to wear a mask when they are interacting, don't they?

I think I understand what you are saying but I'd frame it more in the terms of the emotional armor I was talking about. A mask, to me, implies something I'm really not. One of those handy social conventions adopted for convenience and facilitating ease in getting whatever the job is, done. But the true values need to shine through or the person lacks authenticity. Phony. Makes us feel creepy around them.

I have "tricks" I can use to protect my feelings when I'm in a situation which seems threatening to them. My emotional armor. Eight feet thick - heh. Call it detachment. But there is no mask on my persona. I am still me. Just using different tedchniques for interacting.

nolla, you'd like my Big Bad Biker Babe mask. I take that out for fun sometimes. That's all it is - a game to amuse myself. Does it play out in my actions? Probably in a bit more of a swagger and daring-do. Little playful engine revving. But my values? Still set little folks on the bike and let them honk the horn. Don't want to get lost in the dream.

 

[Kora]

Ditto, though I can't say for sure that it's only stress or a threat that brings it on. I know I get like this when I think people are wasting my time (generally) or if people I care about need to have something done quickly and efficiently.

Maybe it's an INTP thing. ENTJ is the shadow of INTP, after all.
But it's also way effective because nobody expects that behaviour from us.

I hear you (*thinks of her infp days*).

So it's possible to overcome it, huh...

 

[INA]

Maybe it's an INTP thing. ENTJ is the shadow of INTP, after all.

Interesting. I hadn't come at it from that angle . . .

But it's also way effective because nobody expects that behaviour from us.

Um, depending on how well / the context in which they know me, some people may expect the ENTJ more than the INTP. But my I and P are more i and p, if you get my drift, so perhaps it's a bit different from your experience.

So it's possible to overcome it, huh...

Maybe. I just see where it takes me until boredom or the urge to snap out of it points another way.