Queer as Folk

[Salomé]

People puzzle me. This is where I intend to ask questions about some of the odd things they do that I can't quite understand.
Your opinions are appreciated.


1. Inappropriate laughing at the end of sentences.
This is something that I've noticed mainly women are guilty of. Why do they do it? Is it nerves? Is it supposed to make their message more appealing/gentler? All it does is make them appear frivolous and/or stupid. It irritates the hell out of me and I imagine I'm not alone in that.

Can someone explain this behaviour to me please?

 

[zarc]

I take it you're not referring to the show with the same title as your thread's. lol <--

And, eh, I'm not sure either. I'd like to hear from others as well.

 

[Totenkindly]

1. Inappropriate laughing at the end of sentences.
This is something that I've noticed mainly women are guilty of. Why do they do it? Is it nerves? Is it supposed to make their message more appealing/gentler? All it does is make it them appear frivolous and/or stupid. It irritates the hell out of me and I imagine I'm not alone in that. Can someone explain this behaviour to me please?

I do that sometimes.

Yeah, for me, it's partly nerves. I don't know what to say, there's nothing cognizant to say, but I feel like I need to give some cue that I've been listening and I need to convey to the speaker that I'm engaged with what they are saying.

And in fact maybe that is really how it's functioning.

You might be pissed off about it because it has a lack of content. Maybe you'd understand and accept it easier if you saw it more as a conversational "cue" (like a nod, or an "uh huh" while someone is speaking, or some other similar trivial detail) meant to reinforce a current connection with someone.

Due to your particular personality, you don't really care for the cues -- you don't give them, nor do they mean much to you. Other people look for them and if they don't get them, then they get a negative vibe.

 

[wolfy]

1. Inappropriate laughing at the end of sentences.
This is something that I've noticed mainly women are guilty of. Why do they do it? Is it nerves? Is it supposed to make their message more appealing/gentler? All it does is make it them appear frivolous and/or stupid. It irritates the hell out of me and I imagine I'm not alone in that.

Can someone explain this behaviour to me please?

Both nerves and to make the message gentler I think. I kind of like it.

 

[Amargith]

It's partly to show that you're still on the same page and partly to keep it a light conversation. It's also a way to indicate that you don't mean everything you say to be taken dead serious which can cause miscommunication (which is partly nerves I guess). I don't do that as much when I'm having a serious conversation. I personally also think that laughing doesn't make you look stupid and if it does, you can easily show that you're an intelligent woman when the conversation does require a more serious and deep reaction.

 

[Salomé]

It's partly to show that you're still on the same page and partly to keep it a light conversation. It's also a way to indicate that you don't mean everything you say to be taken dead serious which can cause miscommunication (which is partly nerves I guess). I don't do that as much when I'm having a serious conversation. I personally also think that laughing doesn't make you look stupid and if it does, you can easily show that you're an intelligent woman when the conversation does require a more serious and deep reaction.

But a smile/facial expression will suffice to indicate how serious you are.
I've noticed they do it even when the conversation isn't light. Like an old woman on the radio this morning, she was talking about her (dead?) daughter and was close to tears but then laughed at the end!? It's very odd. It's almost an apology.

You might be pissed off about it because it has a lack of content. Maybe you'd understand and accept it easier if you saw it more as a conversational "cue" (like a nod, or an "uh huh" while someone is speaking, or some other similar trivial detail) meant to reinforce a current connection with someone.

Due to your particular personality, you don't really care for the cues -- you don't give them, nor do they mean much to you. Other people look for them and if they don't get them, then they get a negative vibe.

It's not the lack of content. I like a good laugh - in the right context. It's the incongruence that baffles me. I'm pretty serious and my humour is dry so it's rarely appropriate for me to laugh after I've said something. And so I don't. I'm a simple soul.

That's interesting though, what you say about cues. I do send out the wrong ones not infrequently.

But men don't seem to feel the need to giggle endlessly and they still understand each other....

I see it as a way of making yourself non-threatening. I suppose that doesn't interest me.

 

[Amargith]

I guess it also helps fill up silences inbetween your comment and the other people's reply. Especially if you said something unexpected or shocking. Guys may not do it but when they say something emo (which is considered uncomfortable in a group of men, or so I'm told) and you don't make a joke right after, you also get uncomfortable silences. I think this is just our variant of that, possibly?

Edit: My gut tells me that the woman on the radio probably felt like she overshared on the radio and was embarassed, hence she tried to lighten the mood by giggling.

 

[phoenix13]

Off topic response

The thread title has absolutely nothing to do with this topic... so I'm gonna respond to the thread title:

I saw queer as folk once as I was channel surfing. There I saw what was perhaps the greatest love scene EVER: There were 2 guys, one a violinist, one just a hot dude. Hot dude knocks on fiddler's door and says "You owe me a song." Fiddler says: "What would you like?" Hot dude: "Something romantic." So fiddler starts playing Meditations from Thais by Massenet. He gets really into it (he's playing while standing on his bed btw), and hot dude stands up. He walks to fiddler's bed, hops on, fiddler stops playing, and they start making out. Both are gorgeous, so I enjoyed it ... Then it flips to some shower scene somewhere and I change the channel. The end.

 

[zarc]

^ Ha. It does, actually. I googled it because I figured there was more to it.. and it turns out it comes from Northern England: "There's nought so queer as folk", meaning "there's nothing as strange as people". Ta-da.

I've noticed they do it even when the conversation isn't light. Like an old woman on the radio this morning, she was talking about her (dead?) daughter and was close to tears but then laughed at the end!? It's very odd. It's almost an apology.

Perhaps, in this case, it's a sort of coping mechanism for comfort. It might've reduced her stress. I think laughter often does.

But men don't seem to feel the need to giggle endlessly and they still understand each other....

I'm curious. Is it alway a sort of "giggle" or can it be something of a diffused "haaa" as well?

 

[phoenix13]

^ Ha. It does, actually. I googled it because I figured there was more to it.. and it turns out it comes from Northern England: "There's nought so queer as folk", meaning "there's nothing as strange as people". Ta-da.

Oh, that's a good one... I'm leaving my response though because it's that hot.

 

[Salomé]

I saw queer as folk once as I was channel surfing. There I saw what was perhaps the greatest love scene EVER: There were 2 guys, one a violinist, one just a hot dude. Hot dude knocks on fiddler's door and says "You owe me a song." Fiddler says: "What would you like?" Hot dude: "Something romantic." So fiddler starts playing Meditations from Thais by Massenet. He gets really into it (he's playing while standing on his bed btw), and hot dude stands up. He walks to fiddler's bed, hops on, fiddler stops playing, and they start making out. Both are gorgeous, so I enjoyed it ... Then it flips to some shower scene somewhere and I change the channel. The end.

A valid contribution. Thank you for the image.
Yet the expression was currency before the show about hot gay men.
As is frequently the case.

Perhaps, in this case, it's a sort of coping mechanism for comfort. It might've reduced her stress. I think laughter often does.

I'm curious. Is it alway a sort of "giggle" or can it be something of a diffused "haaa" as well?

Haaa... I can cope with. Even the odd ill-advised chortle. It's the constant giggling used as an audible full-stop that irritates me. (just why?)
Look out for it and you will start to see it everywhere. Then it will really start to piss you off and you'll want to kill me for pointing it out.

 

[Totenkindly]

Haaa... I can cope with. Even the odd ill-advised chortle. It's the constant giggling used as an audible full-stop that irritates me. (just why?)

Okay, I don't do THAT.

Look out for it and you will start to see it everywhere. Then it will really start to piss you off and you'll want to kill me for pointing it out.

I hate you.

 

[zarc]

Oh, that's a good one... I'm leaving my response though because it's that hot.

Yesss, why yesss, it isss.

Haaa... I can cope with. Even the odd ill-advised chortle. It's the constant giggling used as an audible full-stop that irritates me. (just why?)
Look out for it and you will start to see it everywhere. Then it will really start to piss you off and you'll want to kill me for pointing it out.

I see. I wasn't entirely sure at first. I've seen it countless times and I do notice it often enough. We are in agreement. I can barely tolerate that sort of behaviour either. It sometimes depends if I'm close to the person, though, I won't mind it as much.

 

[Lady_X]

irl or text?

i do it in text when i'm laughing with someone...joking or think the conversation is funny...not serious.

so if i said...omg!! i can't believe you did that!! haha
you would know i thought it was funny and i'm not mad.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Insecurity, because they don't trust that they're be liked. The laughter releases tension in the speaker and coaxes the other person into laughing, and you can't laugh and be irritated at the same time. Easy. NEXT!

 

[Salomé]

Insecurity, because they don't trust that they're be liked. The laughter releases tension in the speaker and coaxes the other person into laughing, and you can't laugh and be irritated at the same time. Easy. NEXT!

That's sad. I'm quite insecure though and I don't do it. Are you saying that women are more insecure when communicating than men, or just that it's more important to them to be liked?

Yeah, I kinda answered my own question there.

But it doesn't work if it makes you want to wring their necks... am I the only one who feels this way?

irl or text?

i do it in text when i'm laughing with someone...joking or think the conversation is funny...not serious.

so if i said...omg!! i can't believe you did that!! haha
you would know i thought it was funny and i'm not mad.

Now you come to mention it.....
j/k.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

That's sad. I'm quite insecure though and I don't do it.

Are you saying that women are more insecure when communicating than men, or just that it's more important to them to be liked?

Hm. I do think they're different. Insecurity has to do with self-trust. You can have a high need to be liked, but trust yourself that you'll get it every time. I'm not sure. I should add that I don't think women are truly insecure, in the sense that that's their identity; I think they have insecure thoughts.

 

[Lady_X]

^^ blue...i don't even know what that means

 

[Salomé]

^^ blue...i don't even know what that means

ooops. I should have added a haha!

 

[Lady_X]

^^ nope...still don't
i think i've decided you nt's confuse me
people usually don't...it's quite odd for me.