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Truth or compassion?

Salomé

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Yeah... I think that's pretty much what I end up doing in the end. I try to see truth in more significant contexts, but it always turns out not to be there even when I think I see it.

I think there might be truth, but it doesn't apply to or affect most of the things people try to use it to justify. It mostly only works for very simple things. Like the structure of mechanical devices or math, and descriptions of objects.

It's too easy to make that argument. But nobody actually lives like that.
 

LostInNerSpace

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Truth or compassion?


What are you more likely to say to other person if those two are opposite of each other in some situation?
What do you want to hear from others in a hard times?


I know that question is very general, so people can put it in a context they feel it is right for them, but idea is not to talk just about touchy/feely things here. The idea is to talk about differences of truth/feels good in general.


I don't have any big dilemmas I am just curious since I am totally on the "truth side" of the spectrum.(and people have problem with it)

Probably T/F will play a role in this thrad.

Generally truth unless it would cause the person undue hardship. Even then if it's for their own good I might just try to force feed them the truth. My view is that most people are too soft or too weak to tell the truth. I don't believe in patting people on the back for doing silly things. "Oh, your 100lbs overweight but that's ok. You keep eating those pies. You might have a heart attack before you are 40 but I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings".

My brother is overweight. I am too hard on him. I can be brutal in trying to get him to take care of his health. It's for his own good. On the other hand, I know I may be placing too much pressure on him and that itself may be increasing his procrastination through performance anxiety. I am probably crossing the line. I should know better than that. I am always looking for creative ways to encourage him, but I'm not going to pat him on the back for not exercising and stuffing his face with junk food.

Maybe I should take myself less seriously.
 

dyspraxion

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I prefer to combine the two... but when it's on a totally serious subject that is potentially damaging in some way, I prefer to offer compassion.

If it's lighthearted, I tend towards truth.

This is what I prefer to receive, as well.
 

Amargith

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I mix both, and depending on the situation, I will lean more to one than the other. But I never do one without the other, unless asked for it
 

iwakar

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Truth or compassion?


What are you more likely to say to other person if those two are opposite of each other in some situation?
What do you want to hear from others in a hard times?


I know that question is very general, so people can put it in a context they feel it is right for them, but idea is not to talk just about touchy/feely things here. The idea is to talk about differences of truth/feels good in general.


I don't have any big dilemmas I am just curious since I am totally on the "truth side" of the spectrum.(and people have problem with it)

Probably T/F will play a role in this thrad.

I believe, until convinced otherwise, that it is a fallacy to paint truth and compassion as spectral opposites. [As to why it is done so often I can only speculate it is the result of immature Ti/Te or stressed & unhealthy Fi/Fe which stops short of the "real" spectrum where untruth lies at the opposite end of truth rather than compassion. Compassion is merely the filter through which the results can be viewed and translated. (The reality that truth/untruth are merely perspectives is an entirely other can of worms I am not prepared to open at this time.)]

These two concepts are only mutually exclusive if you have not cultivated the art (or striven to) of tactful relay, or diplomatic informant. Though there may be many instances where I have not yet found the happy medium, I have always tried to unite one (truth) with the other (compassion). As has oft been paraphrased throughout humanity's dealings with itself, it is never quite so much what one presents as how one presents it, yes? To the op: Should I ever be confronted with an instance where I lack the skill to artfully present both truth and compassion, I will present my inability along with my decision and beg pardon.

I'll admit that INFJs may have one-up on many types in this arena, instinctively trying to choreograph the complicated dance between authenticity and harmony at all times. However, I have seen some splendid displays of this remarkably underappreciated triumph by other types, not least among them INTJs (Ex: Night) & INTPs (Ex: Jennifer).
 

King sns

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This is a very broad question. Its hard to answer except that it depends on the situation. What the situation is, how well you know the person, how beneficial it might be to tell the truth..
I don't know. I would lean towards compassion since the truth isn't usually effective if the person is really hurting. I mean, unless you really like to get 'em while their already down.
If its a real close friend or someone who I know can handle the truth.. I will offer words of advice in kind of a soft way.. "sometimes its easier to.. " or, "i know that you're really hurting right now, but you do need to remember that.."
 

The Ü™

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Compassion is for pussies.

The truth is, well, the truth.
 

Virtual ghost

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Ok, here is more practical question.

You know that partner of your sibling is cheating him/her in a quite intensive way.
Would you say anything if you see that relationship is already unstable and it could fall apart in the next few months. But you also know that the cheating thing is even more unstable.

What would you do?
 

King sns

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oh, tell them, definately.. Telling the truth in those kinds of situations is always the compassionate thing to do.
 

LostInNerSpace

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Ok, here is more practical question.

You know that partner of your sibling is cheating him/her in a quite intensive way.
Would you say anything if you see that relationship is already unstable and it could fall apart in the next few months. But you also know that the cheating thing is even more unstable.

What would you do?

That's a sticky one. I tried the truth and got burned. Probably better to stay out of it.

UPDATE: Oh, sibling? That's different. I would definitely intervene. If it's a friend I would be much more cautious.
 

Condor

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Ok, here is more practical question.

You know that partner of your sibling is cheating him/her in a quite intensive way.
Would you say anything if you see that relationship is already unstable and it could fall apart in the next few months. But you also know that the cheating thing is even more unstable.

What would you do?

For the example cited, I'd remain silent. It's not my life; there's no need or right for me to get involved. If my sibling asks me about it, however; I'd answer honestly and say what I know.

With regard to the OP, I always tell the truth. Trying to spare someone's feelings demeans them - who am I to assume that the person needs me to be compassionate and "spare" their feelings at the expense of the facts?
 

Amargith

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Ok, here is more practical question.

You know that partner of your sibling is cheating him/her in a quite intensive way.
Would you say anything if you see that relationship is already unstable and it could fall apart in the next few months. But you also know that the cheating thing is even more unstable.

What would you do?

Talk to the SO first, and give them a choice: fess up yourself or have me tell them.
 

Eileen

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Truth and compassion. I can do it. Can't you?
 

Virtual ghost

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Truth and compassion. I can do it. Can't you?

The question is about chosing. Actually the question could be taken as what do you prefere to give more.

I can give you the truth for sure but compassion will probaly need some faking to look more real. I suck at compasion.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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I don't see these as opposites either. Reality/truth has to be dealt with sooner or later and it seems most compassionate to help equip others to face their realities. This is tempered with the fact that human beings by nature have subjective vantage points by which we observe the "truth", so sometimes it is worth stepping back and asking ourselves whether or not we actually have the truth to tell. Assuming our vantage point is consistently more true than someone else's is not based on fact, and should be compassionately pointed out. ;)

The closest I can think to choosing compassion over truth occurs at moments when you are more deeply connected to that subjective vantage point of someone else. If someone with a history of anorexia, but who is average or slightly overweight, asks if they look fat in a particular pair of pants, they aren't asking the same question another person would be asking who didn't have a tendency towards self perception distortions. Language is fluid and contextual. Even if the pants made them look heavier than their other clothes, they likely would not make them look the way they think "I look fat" means because of their self distortion. The truthful answer to that question based on their perception is more likely "no".
 

Eileen

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The question is about chosing. Actually the question could be taken as what do you prefere to give more.

I can give you the truth for sure but compassion will probaly need some faking to look more real. I suck at compasion.

Compassion is telling the truth gently, I think.
 

Salomé

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Ok, here is more practical question.

You know that partner of your sibling is cheating him/her in a quite intensive way.
Would you say anything if you see that relationship is already unstable and it could fall apart in the next few months. But you also know that the cheating thing is even more unstable.

What would you do?

I wouldn't even have to think about it. Tell him/her at once. The relationship has already fallen apart - there is no honesty/fidelity.

Truth will out.
 

mlittrell

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im changing my opinion

truth and compassion are non sequitur which is why people can't choose lol

an antonym for compassion is coldness and an antonym for truth is dishonesty.

coldness is not a synonym for dishonesty.

this is an ENFPs attempt at basic logic lol
 

Condor

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I don't see these as opposites either. Reality/truth has to be dealt with sooner or later and it seems most compassionate to help equip others to face their realities. This is tempered with the fact that human beings by nature have subjective vantage points by which we observe the "truth", so sometimes it is worth stepping back and asking ourselves whether or not we actually have the truth to tell. Assuming our vantage point is consistently more true than someone else's is not based on fact, and should be compassionately pointed out. ;)

The closest I can think to choosing compassion over truth occurs at moments when you are more deeply connected to that subjective vantage point of someone else. If someone with a history of anorexia, but who is average or slightly overweight, asks if they look fat in a particular pair of pants, they aren't asking the same question another person would be asking who didn't have a tendency towards self perception distortions. Language is fluid and contextual. Even if the pants made them look heavier than their other clothes, they likely would not make them look the way they think "I look fat" means because of their self distortion. The truthful answer to that question based on their perception is more likely "no".

This is the problem I have with trying to say what others want to hear (being compassionate) - person A and person B have different contexts, and what can be "compassionate" to someone can be hurtful to someone else. In the example quoted - how does someone answer "do I look fat?". "Fat" to who? "Fat" with regard to an airbrushed magazine ad? What does "looking fat" look like? I think the truthful answer here would be "It doesn't matter what I think - what do you think?"

Would that be cold or uncaring? Would it be a sign to the questioner that they should value their own opinion more and seek others' out less?
 

Eileen

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This is the problem I have with trying to say what others want to hear (being compassionate) - person A and person B have different contexts, and what can be "compassionate" to someone can be hurtful to someone else. In the example quoted - how does someone answer "do I look fat?". "Fat" to who? "Fat" with regard to an airbrushed magazine ad? What does "looking fat" look like? I think the truthful answer here would be "It doesn't matter what I think - what do you think?"

Would that be cold or uncaring? Would it be a sign to the questioner that they should value their own opinion more and seek others' out less?

No, being compassionate is not telling others what they want to hear. Compassion is sharing someone's pain with them (look at the word: com-with; passion-suffering! suffering with.). There is inherent truth in compassion. Compassion does not require that you lie to make someone feel better; it requires that you empathize with what they're actually experiencing.
 
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