When you are feeling down or depressed, what cheers you up?
Usually resolving whatever is upsetting me will cheer me up. Or learning everything I can about it, for whatever reason. Illusion of control, probably. That, & distraction, which can vary. Or giving myself something to look forward to. And practicing gratitude or looking for something to learn from the situation. Pollyanna’s Glad Game. It doesn’t resolve the issue itself or discount feeling badly, but it takes the edge off & allows for some perspective & room to walk around the problem in my head a bit more, if that makes sense.
Is it always the same thing, or does it depend on circumstances?
Depends on the circumstances. I’m not going to play the glad game when someone has died or something like that. But grief is an entirely different sort of down, anyway, & probably not what you’re referring to.
My cat will always cheer me up, of course. Usually other things will help, like, talking with my best friend (about anything), or listening to music that I enjoy/singing along with it. Immersion in a good book. Creating something. Or helping with something. Or just staying busy for a little while. It varies. At the end, it always just feels like a cramp letting go. Cardio seems to help with stress regulation for me, too. Sometimes, I just need to sleep on it. Cognitive carwash. Regular sleep, exercise, & healthy food really help me a lot with emotional balance in general. Sometimes writing it out will clear my head.
Does it help for others to try to cheer you up, or does this need to come from something you do on your own?
Usually needs to be something I do myself. I don’t often tell people when I’m acutely upset (I may talk about it after I’ve processed, for context & such). I dislike others trying to ‘fix’ my feelings or my problems, & don’t want them to feel responsible for them. I mostly prefer my friends just treat me normally if they know something is going on. I don’t want to be coddled/smothered, or have unsolicited excessive attention drawn to the issue. Others can indirectly cheer me up simply by being who they are, but it’s not something I like to depend on to soothe myself.
What do you do to cheer your friends up when they are feeling down?
Let them vent. Validate what they are feeling. Then, occasionally, take the conversation for a walk around, branching from that main concern to other random unrelated things (where we can speculate & laugh, etc), then back around to the problem they’re having, if they want to talk about it further. Of course that’s situationally dependent & dependent on the friend dynamic.
(Pre pandemic) I hug them. I invite them over to watch a movie with me or otherwise spend some time outside their heads. Remind them of, or offer up things to look fwd to.
And just be present with them, I guess?
My best friend has clinical depression, which pushes her to isolate, which makes her depression worse. I reassure her it’s okay to come hang out, even if her eyes are randomly leaking. She doesn’t have to necessarily talk about it if she’d rather not. She doesn’t have to even talk at all if she doesn’t want to. And she doesn’t have to be alone with it. We can just hang out. Happy or a total mess is completely accepted here. When she would come over, she said it helped. When I lived closer, she would walk over along a nice wooded path by a river that I know she loves. She said that helped, too.
When she couldn’t come over/couldn’t get out of bed, I’d go over there & hang out on that giant bed with her. Let her cry. Watch some movies. Wash dishes if she fell asleep. Sort her mail. Talk some more. Let her talk, or just... be there. Sometimes you can’t do much else, & there’s no cheering up within your or their means that can be achieved.
You just stand with them in the storm, & let them know: they are loved.
