Being an adult with autism is hard, especially when undiagnosed. Masking is what autistics do on a daily basis to survive social and professional life. Masking means what it sounds like—wearing a mask, pretending to be neurotypical, hiding any quirk or character trait that might get us into hot water at work, in public, or even in our home lives.
Occasionally I’ve seen a neurotypical say “that doesn’t sound so bad. We all have to wear masks and behave to make it in this world.†Of course that’s true, but it’s classic dismissive ableism that fails to acknowledge the strain that masking puts on autistics. Yes we all have to behave and wear masks, but imagine doing it with the added strain of having poor empathy and poor understanding of unspoken social cues, as well as a tendency to take others’ words quite literally. Or, here’s a good analogy: suppose neurotypical people experience life as if they are playing the survival horror game Alien Isolation on Medium difficultly. It’s goddamn hard, but the player has some basic tools that if used properly will ensure their success and survival. The player can still fail, but the point is they possess some basic tools. Now imagine playing the same game on nightmare diffulty mode. Many of the tools that guarantee success for medium/neurotypical mode are either unavailable or severely limited—broken motion tracker, less ammunition, health depletes faster, and heightened AI for all NPCs. That’s how much harder it is masking as an autistic.The same tools that neurotypical adults take for granted are severely impaired but we’re still expected to perform as neurotypicals do in the same or similar situations.
The other day I nearly replied to a thread where we have to say what we like about the above poster’s avatar and I was simply going to be honest and say there was nothing about it that appealed to me. My intention wasn't to be mean or make the poster above me feel diminished or shitty, it was just honesty. I held back because experience has told me that honesty rarely goes over well when it isn’t paired with praise or flattery. Many people say they value honesty and sometimes autistics take that to heart, missing the unspoken rule about not saying something if we have nothing nice to say.