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  1. #11
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    9w8 sx/sp
    SEE Fi


    @Turtle I'm glad my post was helpful! If it makes sense, I think that type 6 is better suited toward an STJ, because the paranoia kind of manifests itself in their Ne. But for N types, their intuitive functions are just fed by the type 6 paranoia, while I think the STJs to a degree ignore it much moreso than the NP types who are 6s. I do hold the opinion though that every type there is can be a 6, of any wing too (although I think 6w5 is more inclined toward IXTX except ISTP sometimes, and 6w7 is more slanted toward EXFX, with ENFP as the exception sometimes. The others are all fair game).

    I wouldn't even worry about the letter descriptions, the functions are much more helpful in describing a person's personality.

    Are you a member of the Enenagram Institute? You have to be a member to view certain documents on there (all of which are helpful), and these include the type comparisons and confusions. If you'd like, I could PM you 9 vs 6 and 1 vs 3. Those are both actually common mixups, but these articles are written to help give clarity.

    Your BF sounds like a cool dude though. Coming from someone of opposite variant even.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  2. #12
    Member Turtle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    6 so
    ENFp Fi


    @BlackCat Thank you so much. I am a member, so I am able to view that page. Even after reading through it, I am still a little unsure. One key thing about him is that he needs to "be seen as someone who is in control, and has everything together." I wonder if that is 3 or 1.

    And for what it's worth, you've been helpful on this thread, so thank you!

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    Thanks @Chanaynay for the mention, sorry for being slow to show

    @Kasper and @BlackCat have done a really nice job of clarifying, not sure I have much to add beyond personal experience. Essentially I think it boils down to 6 and 9 both really wanting to live in a stress-free world, but taking polar opposite approaches to how to attain that. 6s scan everything and rout out potential problems; 9s create harmony via negotiating and detaching. @Turtle, IMO the most telling difference will probably be whether you tend to stay in your head and hyperanalyze to the point of driving thought trains around in circles (6), or whether you tend to run on autopilot and seek comforts to avoid stress (9).

    I have a 9w1 sp/so boyfriend and a 9w8 sp/sx brother... we all tend to be a little on the anxious side, interestingly - my boyfriend's is more an e1/SJ need to be perfect/together - he had pretty disciplinarian parents and I think some of it stems from that - while my brother and I have the more classic generalized, diffuse anxiety - but the major difference I see is that my brother and boyfriend spend a lot of time engaging in comforts that divert them from their anxiety - daily routines, food/drink/etc, comforting places, playing and listening to music - while I spend a lot of time spinning my mental wheels thinking about how to address the situations that make me anxious. Given, I am N while they are both S, which naturally does mean I spend more time in my head and less in the present, while they are more realistic doers. My brother does more avoiding and more confronting, while my boyfriend does more peacemaking and routinizing, which I think are mostly SP/w8 and SJ/w1 differences. One really funny thing I have noticed about both of them is they are really awful at rushing. It's like the more you push them, the more they become stubborn about not hurrying. I tend to be the opposite - the more I am pushed for time, the more harried I become. I think that is a fairly good microcosm of the 9-vs-6 response tendency.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle View Post
    I always "turn into" whoever I'm talking to. I don't even realize that I am doing this. It isn't that I am agreeing with them (and I'm not afraid to state my opinion if I have a strong one that I can defend), I just feel like I become them.
    I do this as well to an extent.

    If someone says something that contradicts what I said, I will try their opinion on in my head and imagine what it would be like if it were true, which usually results in me adopting the opinion.
    This is actually something I do not relate with. I tend to immediately assume the defensive if someone contradicts me, ready to fight against. I have to manually override that instinct to feel like it is an attack and take a neutral stance in response. I have no idea if this is just me or if it is an Enneatype thing. I am not particularly either phobic or counterphobic, so this might be a more CP behavior on my part.

    I hate reading about 6 and 3 incompatibility issues because I am easily swayed by opinions over the Internet if I turn off the part of me that tries to think for myself, but I also feel that the reasons why 6 and 3 fail have more to do with the level of fakeness in the 3 (which is something I don't really see in my more 1ish than 3ish ENTJ).
    Ah. I had a 3 best friend in college. I think 3-6 can work out very well as long as the 6 can tolerate the 3's need for gloss and the 3 can tolerate the 6's periodic hyperanxiety.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle View Post
    One key thing about him is that he needs to "be seen as someone who is in control, and has everything together." I wonder if that is 3 or 1.
    I think that will sort of depend on where the focus is. Is the focus on his need to be seen as having it all under control, or does he need to feel for himself like everything is under control? The 3 generally has more faith in their ability to "perform" and achieve what they need to achieve even if things are a little sloppy backstage, while the 1 is deeply concerned that everything is in order and may bring aberrations to attention even if no one else has noticed thus far. 3 has more focus on getting the end result and 1 has more focus on going about things the "right" way, even if it hinders effectiveness.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    She is constantly doubting not only herself, but literally everything, even things that are tried and true to her.
    Haha, BlackCat, I relate to your girlfriend in this way for sure!

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