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brainheart
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Is one of sevens biggest fears getting old?
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á´…eparted
passages
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I would't be surprised. It would make sense for reasons already outlined. The consequences of old age hamper the efforts of a 7's core drives.
I fear getting old myself, but my reasons are quite vain; my physical appearance. There's actually a number of potential physical limitations I fear / wouldn't be able to deal with. If I were to become paralyzed, lose a limb, or something similar, I'd quite quickly seek suicide. I could not, and would not be willing to live like that. If you want to get technical about enneagram in why I am like this, it's because I feel like I'd be taken down several notches, and be unable to return to where I once was, and be heavily set back in a way that I'd likely see as unfair. I'd in effect be "less perfect", unable to recover, and that's just not ok.
With that said, I'd actually caution from labeling enneagram to this sort of thing. It might connect, but it's not going to be a super strong correlation, and you could in theory come up for an argument for not wanting to get old for any type. Same event, but for very different reasons.
I fear getting old myself, but my reasons are quite vain; my physical appearance. There's actually a number of potential physical limitations I fear / wouldn't be able to deal with. If I were to become paralyzed, lose a limb, or something similar, I'd quite quickly seek suicide. I could not, and would not be willing to live like that. If you want to get technical about enneagram in why I am like this, it's because I feel like I'd be taken down several notches, and be unable to return to where I once was, and be heavily set back in a way that I'd likely see as unfair. I'd in effect be "less perfect", unable to recover, and that's just not ok.
With that said, I'd actually caution from labeling enneagram to this sort of thing. It might connect, but it's not going to be a super strong correlation, and you could in theory come up for an argument for not wanting to get old for any type. Same event, but for very different reasons.
Hive
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I fear wasting my time a lot more than getting old.
I've always had good health and the lifestyle I'm leading probably greatly reduces the risk of health problems later in life. My dad suffers from a lot of ailments that comes with old age, but he never took any care of himself either. So despite having a genetic disposition for certain conditions, I think I'm doing a better job at taking proactive measures, and thus don't fear becoming old. I'll save the worrying for when the problems come knocking on my door.
Writing this out, I also realized this is a very E7 "nothing bad will happen to me" wishful line of thinking and possible negligence of potential problems.
I've always had good health and the lifestyle I'm leading probably greatly reduces the risk of health problems later in life. My dad suffers from a lot of ailments that comes with old age, but he never took any care of himself either. So despite having a genetic disposition for certain conditions, I think I'm doing a better job at taking proactive measures, and thus don't fear becoming old. I'll save the worrying for when the problems come knocking on my door.
Writing this out, I also realized this is a very E7 "nothing bad will happen to me" wishful line of thinking and possible negligence of potential problems.
five sounds
MyPeeSmellsLikeCoffee247
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i don't fear getting old really. sometimes when i think about age, i react with a 'oh no, so much to do and time is getting shorter' mentality. but i always look at the future with excitement. i think there is beauty in age; wisdom and freedom. i look forward to having so many memories and experiences under my belt one day. positive spin FTW.
Hive
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Exactly. Probably my no. 1 fear is missing opportunities and pissing away my potential.
The realization that I'm letting my talents wither away instead of nurturing them hit me like a brick wall a while ago, which jolted me into taking action towards becoming the best that I can be. And let me tell you, the feeling of making choices that will benefit me in the long run are far, far more satisfying than chasing fleeting, momentary pleasures. This change in mentality, from short term thinker to long term thinker, is one of the most empowering and uplifting things I've experienced in my life, like everything I could possibly want is mine to conquer through hard work and perseverance. I strongly recommend other 7's to force themselves into focus (I had to impose a strong, 1-ish self discipline to replace procrastination with productivity.) since many of them are multi-talented jack-of-all-trades but are liable to quickly becoming distracted and bored, leaving their potential unfulfilled. And wasting your potential is like choosing to be the shitty version of yourself. I can't - and won't - have that happening.
Chad of the OttomanEmpire
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LadyLazarus
Guest
I am a 6w7 and I fear the old, is that close enough?
Animal
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I don't want to get old, but I refuse to burden myself with these thoughts because that in itself will make me age faster.
That's pretty 7ish , isn't it.
My father is a 7w8. He's 68, hardly has any wrinkles, and looks badass with his muscles and electric guitar.
I was stricken with a chronic illness that almost killed me when I was 16. I have not had the life of a 'young person' since then. I am bound by medications and knowing I could suddenly get very sick and lose everything, and even die at any time. Everything I build up - job, band, long hair - ends up being taken away from me from my illness, and I have to continue building things, knowing that I have no control over holding on to them.
Getting old is the least of my problems in terms of illness. At least when I'm 40, some of my friends will relate to my problems and I won't be like an old person stuck in a young body. At least then my lovers won't feel "tied down" and "burdened" by my problems (I take care of myself, but I can't stay out late, be around smoke, go to loud parties, go on vacation etc.) because having health problems at an older age is more acceptable. Being "tied down" at an older age is more acceptable.
However I am worried about being unattractive. It worries me when I notice signs that my age (33) is finally catching up with me. Up until last year I was mistaken for 20 and now I am often taken for 25, 28… etc. It's scary.
Luckily, attractiveness is not my greatest asset. I've never had big boobs or a small waist or perfect features. What draws people to me is my mind and creativity, and my passion. So if I hold on to that, way past my time, I'll have a one-up on everyone else my age, who lost it due to strife. I've had more medical strife than most people three times my age and I still bounce around like a teenager and giggle and move like a cat. What will defeat me? Nothing. While my friends are going through mid-life crisis, I already did that when I was 17, and survived and learned to walk again. While my other friends are confronting doctors and having to change their diets, I already did that. While everyone else has wrinkles, I've been wearing sunscreen since I have been on antibiotics steadily since age 16. I haven't drank much or smoked at all because I would die. I eat vegetables and meat, and when I fuck up my diet I get sick fast; everyone else will need to get used to this and for me it's a breeze. Actually, the older I get, the more competitive I am within my age group. I look ten years younger than most of my peers my age. I didn't get tied down with kids and ex-husbands. I have baggage that isn't my fault, but I have collected less extraneous baggage than other women who did not have health concerns reminding them to be sane. Etc. In a way, my competitive SX spirit tells me that aging will just give me a one-up, whereas my problems made me less desirable in my youth.
But I'm still pissed that at this point, most 22 year old women look better than I do. This really upsets me and makes me jealous. It also pisses me off that I can't express my passions in glorious photoshoots the way I used to because I simply don't look as good.
If there's anything I learned from my 7w8 father on the topic of aging, it's that you DO stay young if you focus on the future and the positive side of things. If you keep perspective about your assets and faults, and try to focus on expanding your assets rather than beating yourself up for faults, you DO stay younger. It may be more natural for him than it is for me, but I have still seen the example and I know it works. I have always had his voice in one ear telling me how great I am, and the devil in the other ear telling me how much I suck, and that I'm not enough. I've learned to reframe this: "I'm not enough YET, but if I keep striving, one day I will be closer to my ideal self and I will be loved." My thinking can be very 7ish in its own rite.
That's pretty 7ish , isn't it.
My father is a 7w8. He's 68, hardly has any wrinkles, and looks badass with his muscles and electric guitar.
I was stricken with a chronic illness that almost killed me when I was 16. I have not had the life of a 'young person' since then. I am bound by medications and knowing I could suddenly get very sick and lose everything, and even die at any time. Everything I build up - job, band, long hair - ends up being taken away from me from my illness, and I have to continue building things, knowing that I have no control over holding on to them.
Getting old is the least of my problems in terms of illness. At least when I'm 40, some of my friends will relate to my problems and I won't be like an old person stuck in a young body. At least then my lovers won't feel "tied down" and "burdened" by my problems (I take care of myself, but I can't stay out late, be around smoke, go to loud parties, go on vacation etc.) because having health problems at an older age is more acceptable. Being "tied down" at an older age is more acceptable.
However I am worried about being unattractive. It worries me when I notice signs that my age (33) is finally catching up with me. Up until last year I was mistaken for 20 and now I am often taken for 25, 28… etc. It's scary.
Luckily, attractiveness is not my greatest asset. I've never had big boobs or a small waist or perfect features. What draws people to me is my mind and creativity, and my passion. So if I hold on to that, way past my time, I'll have a one-up on everyone else my age, who lost it due to strife. I've had more medical strife than most people three times my age and I still bounce around like a teenager and giggle and move like a cat. What will defeat me? Nothing. While my friends are going through mid-life crisis, I already did that when I was 17, and survived and learned to walk again. While my other friends are confronting doctors and having to change their diets, I already did that. While everyone else has wrinkles, I've been wearing sunscreen since I have been on antibiotics steadily since age 16. I haven't drank much or smoked at all because I would die. I eat vegetables and meat, and when I fuck up my diet I get sick fast; everyone else will need to get used to this and for me it's a breeze. Actually, the older I get, the more competitive I am within my age group. I look ten years younger than most of my peers my age. I didn't get tied down with kids and ex-husbands. I have baggage that isn't my fault, but I have collected less extraneous baggage than other women who did not have health concerns reminding them to be sane. Etc. In a way, my competitive SX spirit tells me that aging will just give me a one-up, whereas my problems made me less desirable in my youth.
But I'm still pissed that at this point, most 22 year old women look better than I do. This really upsets me and makes me jealous. It also pisses me off that I can't express my passions in glorious photoshoots the way I used to because I simply don't look as good.
If there's anything I learned from my 7w8 father on the topic of aging, it's that you DO stay young if you focus on the future and the positive side of things. If you keep perspective about your assets and faults, and try to focus on expanding your assets rather than beating yourself up for faults, you DO stay younger. It may be more natural for him than it is for me, but I have still seen the example and I know it works. I have always had his voice in one ear telling me how great I am, and the devil in the other ear telling me how much I suck, and that I'm not enough. I've learned to reframe this: "I'm not enough YET, but if I keep striving, one day I will be closer to my ideal self and I will be loved." My thinking can be very 7ish in its own rite.
Lady_X
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it sort of feels like one of those things i'm procrastinating thinking or feeling anything about....i sort of some how imagine it might be an issue emotionally at some point but i haven't ever quite felt that to be true. i think old people are adorable tho....and my parents are/were so youthful and silly that i never even saw/see them as old
Animal
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See this is what I mean. 7s aren't thinking about it - that's why they stay young. I try my best to adopt this mentality.
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brainheart
Guest
Ok. I'd say that puts the husband back into the 6w7 camp. Thanks.
The irony, of course, is that people think he's ten years younger than he is. To others he puts on a positive, youthful face, but then he comes home to me and obsessively freaks out/complains about getting old- not due to vanity, but because he fears he will no longer be able to do the things he loves. He's really scared about being old and boring and not fun.
The irony, of course, is that people think he's ten years younger than he is. To others he puts on a positive, youthful face, but then he comes home to me and obsessively freaks out/complains about getting old- not due to vanity, but because he fears he will no longer be able to do the things he loves. He's really scared about being old and boring and not fun.
If what he fears are the limitations brought on by age I certainly wouldn't rule-out 7...
whoops...iow...he's merely made that connection where the rest of us might be in denial about it or are over-optimistic that we won't be limited in a significant way due to age... BUT that is the 7 core fear he's describing. What he is ultimately fearing is being deprived.
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brainheart
Guest
Yeah? Well that's exactly what it is, 100%.
whoops...sorry brainheart I didn't know you were right here. I added to my post did you see...?
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brainheart
Guest
Just now. Thanks
Well the thing is he now has this reactive arthritis which has created a newfound awareness of his limitations, plus his dad died. Before that I think he felt pretty invincible. Those two events within a year marred his formerly rosy outlook.
Lady_X
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yeah..my enfp father was probably also a 7 and he never wanted to be old. i think it was a vanity thing tho...sort of. i mean it mattered to him that he was nice looking and turned heads i think....but also i think he just didn't want to lose his ability to be free and adventurous
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brainheart
Guest
What do you think your dad's dominant instinct is? My husband's is probably social and I think with that comes this egalitarianism with others- like he doesn't want to be 'too' good looking. He's flattered that others think he's younger than he is, but he kind of wants to blend in with the others in his social group as well. I feel like he's kind of always toeing the line of standing out/not standing out.
My thing is ... it's like he never thought about dying before all of this happened, which is so foreign to me. As a four, thinking about dying is one of my favorite pastimes, ha.
Fwiw Animal...I could easily put you into the 7 camp. Your experience (going off of my interpretation of your post)...it majorly 7. We've actually discussed this many times here. Many 7 get stricken with physical issues because they are ignoring the emotional. Again, this is very, very common.
Your struggles merely made you... no longer capable of fleeing in the ways you did prior. The same thing happened to me.
