[Type 6] What makes you feel safe?

[The Great One]

For all my enneagram 6's out there, what makes you feel safe, or what types of activities do you do to make you feel safe? For instance, I work constantly to get as much money as possible. I also try to have a large safety net of money in order to make me feel safe. I also go to college to increase my earning potential to make myself feel even safer. Also, at work I try to make friends with the bosses and authority figures in order to make them like me, so that I am not in hot water with the people that could take away my job, my income, and at the end, my sense of safety. I try to be cool with my co-workers as well, but that's not as important to me, because they can't hurt me as much as the boss's can. Also, I like to look good. I can't do it now because of medical problems, but I am saving up for health insurance so that I can once again work out and be sexy. It makes me feel good to be attractive to the opposite sex.

What makes the other 6's on this forum feel safe?
[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] [MENTION=18664]Stansmith[/MENTION] [MENTION=14015]Urarienev[/MENTION] [MENTION=15773]greenfairy[/MENTION]

You all might like this thread.

 

[greenfairy]

I'm not sure how much of what I do relates to safety, but I am rather obsessive about health. I hate spending money, so that could be related. I avoid risky situations. Strong Sp. Also I try to avoid making people angry because of the unconscious fear that they might attack me. And of course INXJ's like contingency plans. I always carry around food and water too, but that seems more Sp.

I think 9 and 5 fit better, but I always score high on 6.

 

[The Great One]

I'm not sure how much of what I do relates to safety, but I am rather obsessive about health. I hate spending money, so that could be related. I avoid risky situations. Strong Sp. Also I try to avoid making people angry because of the unconscious fear that they might attack me. And of course INXJ's like contingency plans. I always carry around food and water too, but that seems more Sp.

I think 9 and 5 fit better, but I always score high on 6.

This will probably sound nuts to you, but I do many of the same things that you do. However, I also do crazy counter-phobic shit as well. On a side note, I also love to have a lot of money saved up in reserves. However, the difference is that I LOVE to spend money. I love to spend money on partying, on wining and dining women, and on personal things as well. I also avoid risky situations, but at the same time, there is a part of me that loves risk as well. Also, I also avoid getting into fist fights with people, but that's only because I am completely out of shape right now. If I was in good shape, and I had a lot of money to bail myself out of criminal charges, I would probably fist fight people all the time, just for the hell of it. Mind you, I would want to have good health insurance before I did this though.

 

[highlander]

Money in the bank, no debt and a secure primary relationship. Even money in the bank isn't completely safe though because the bottom could fall out from under the currency, so it's having a diversified portfolio of assets.

 

[The Great One]

Money in the bank, no debt and a secure primary relationship. Even money in the bank isn't completely safe though because the bottom could fall out from under the currency, so it's having a diversified portfolio of assets.

I agree with you that money makes me feel secure as well. I also agree that the money could be lost, and you could still be screwed. That's why I am in the process of acquiring a highly marketable skill set that will allow me to make a lot of money. That way, if all of my money gets stolen, I will be okay, because I can still continue to make more money. A secure relationship doesn't really make me feel safe, but having good looks and a lot of money to attract women does make me feel safe.

 

[skylights]

For me I think these are particularly important:

• Good relationships with my nuclear family members
• Having money in savings and living below my means
• Planning future events that are pleasing/important to me
• Keeping up with schoolwork and paperwork
• Sticking with education, having gotten a BA, planning on further schooling
• Having a steady job, preferably with a steady schedule; having a career job in the future will be even better
• Being in a happy, forward-looking, and stable romantic relationship
  (or feeling secure in my independence and attractiveness if I'm not with anyone, but I prefer relationships)
• A house/room/apartment that is secure, reliable, in good condition, and private, located in an area that feels right
• Going to the doctor regularly as recommended/needed
• Harmonious and respectful people-environments
• Good, fun, trustworthy friends
• Exercising/weightlifting to be physically healthy and strong

I tried to arrange them a bit like the order they reside in my consciousness...

For all the downsides of being a 6, the above are things I really appreciate in my life. I tend to hesitate until I know I can make a serious commitment to something and it will be there in the longterm for me, and then I like to pin that down hard. People could easily say I'm too serious about these things, but I'm so happy with how my life is in these ways, and they're very unlikely to change unless something very drastic happens. I don't worry about that much, though. If it's that catastrophic I doubt I'll be able to predict it or account for it until it happens, and I'll just do my best.

 

[Cimarron]

Question though....how is this different from Self-preservation instinct in general? Since the 6s who've posted so far aren't Sp-dom anyway...

 

[Evo]

For all my enneagram 6's out there, what makes you feel safe, or what types of activities do you do to make you feel safe? For instance, I work constantly to get as much money as possible. I also try to have a large safety net of money in order to make me feel safe. I also go to college to increase my earning potential to make myself feel even safer. Also, at work I try to make friends with the bosses and authority figures in order to make them like me, so that I am not in hot water with the people that could take away my job, my income, and at the end, my sense of safety. I try to be cool with my co-workers as well, but that's not as important to me, because they can't hurt me as much as the boss's can. Also, I like to look good. I can't do it now because of medical problems, but I am saving up for health insurance so that I can once again work out and be sexy. It makes me feel good to be attractive to the opposite sex.

What makes the other 6's on this forum feel safe?
[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] [MENTION=18664]Stansmith[/MENTION] [MENTION=14015]Urarienev[/MENTION] [MENTION=15773]greenfairy[/MENTION]

You all might like this thread.

I should say, that I don't have that solid of a support system because I don't let people in very easily emotionally, and that certainty is my main form of how I feel secure.

• Having independence is huge for me
• Fixing things myself
• Doing things on my own in general
• Having a lot of responsibility
• Having a dog
• Exercising
• Keeping things clean and organized
• (If I had one) Having a romantic partner that "gets me" ( I miss that, and I think it's a very big source of where I get my sense of security from unfortunately :/ )
• Saving money
• Taking care of finances in general. I agree with Highlander on this.
• Having my own home, and having it in the right place. ( I don't like living in the sticks)
• Following a schedule
• Making sure I don't piss off the people I care about or making up immediately. I will almost always say sorry first.
• Winning over authority.
• And I agree with skylights going to regular check ups
• Anything that gives me the sense that I have a clean slate. This is a big one too. My happiness can sometimes depends on this.

I can't think of anymore right now, but I will most likely be back to add more.

Really awesome thread btw!!

 

[Such Irony]

Question though....how is this different from Self-preservation instinct in general? Since the 6s who've posted so far aren't Sp-dom anyway...

Good question.

I'm an SP dom and a 6 wing. For me, I feel safe when:

I have enough money to live comfortably
When I'm with family and close friends
I can trust other people around me
I live in a low crime area
I have good health
I don't feel like I'm in immediate danger of my physical or mental health being threatened
I feel both physically and emotionally comfortable
I know what I'm getting myself into
I plan for the worst but hope for the best

 

[The Great One]

For me I think these are particularly important:

• Good relationships with my nuclear family members
• Having money in savings and living below my means
• Planning future events that are pleasing/important to me
• Keeping up with schoolwork and paperwork
• Sticking with education, having gotten a BA, planning on further schooling
• Having a steady job, preferably with a steady schedule; having a career job in the future will be even better
• Being in a happy, forward-looking, and stable romantic relationship
  (or feeling secure in my independence and attractiveness if I'm not with anyone, but I prefer relationships)
• A house/room/apartment that is secure, reliable, in good condition, and private, located in an area that feels right
• Going to the doctor regularly as recommended/needed
• Harmonious and respectful people-environments
• Good, fun, trustworthy friends
• Exercising/weightlifting to be physically healthy and strong

I tried to arrange them a bit like the order they reside in my consciousness...

For all the downsides of being a 6, the above are things I really appreciate in my life. I tend to hesitate until I know I can make a serious commitment to something and it will be there in the longterm for me, and then I like to pin that down hard. People could easily say I'm too serious about these things, but I'm so happy with how my life is in these ways, and they're very unlikely to change unless something very drastic happens. I don't worry about that much, though. If it's that catastrophic I doubt I'll be able to predict it or account for it until it happens, and I'll just do my best.

Yeah, I see then you put a much greater emphasis on social things then me. However, I noticed that you put a lot more emphasis on self-pres things then I thought you would. I would almost think that sp last types would neglect this shit totally. In fact, I wanted to see what SP lasts said, and that's one of the major reasons I made this thread.

On a side note, when I am in a relationship, I feel wonderful but I also feel trapped. I don't like to limit myself to one girl.

Also, I'm glad you can get health care, because I can't. Health care is a king's ransom now-a-days, and Obama Care didn't help me a damn bit.

Question though....how is this different from Self-preservation instinct in general? Since the 6s who've posted so far aren't Sp-dom anyway...

Yeah, that is why I made this thread, to differentiate Sp from type 6.

I should say, that I don't have that solid of a support system because I don't let people in very easily emotionally, and that certainty is my main form of how I feel secure.

• Having independence is huge for me
• Fixing things myself
• Doing things on my own in general
• Having a lot of responsibility
• Having a dog
• Exercising
• Keeping things clean and organized
• (If I had one) Having a romantic partner that "gets me" ( I miss that, and I think it's a very big source of where I get my sense of security from unfortunately :/ )
• Saving money
• Taking care of finances in general. I agree with Highlander on this.
• Having my own home, and having it in the right place. ( I don't like living in the sticks)
• Following a schedule
• Making sure I don't piss off the people I care about or making up immediately. I will almost always say sorry first.
• Winning over authority.
• And I agree with skylights going to regular check ups
• Anything that gives me the sense that I have a clean slate. This is a big one too. My happiness can sometimes depends on this.

I can't think of anymore right now, but I will most likely be back to add more.

Really awesome thread btw!!

Yeah a lot of this stuff is just Te shit, because I wouldn't care about of lot of this stuff at all. Thanks for saying it's an awesome thread though.

Good question.

I'm an SP dom and a 6 wing. For me, I feel safe when:

I have enough money to live comfortably
When I'm with family and close friends
I can trust other people around me
I live in a low crime area
I have good health
I don't feel like I'm in immediate danger of my physical or mental health being threatened
I feel both physically and emotionally comfortable
I know what I'm getting myself into
I plan for the worst but hope for the best

How important is it for you to look sexually attractive and to appeal to the opposite sex?

 

[skylights]

Yeah, I see then you put a much greater emphasis on social things then me. However, I noticed that you put a lot more emphasis on self-pres things then I thought you would. I would almost think that sp last types would neglect this shit totally. In fact, I wanted to see what SP lasts said, and that's one of the major reasons I made this thread.

Yeah, it's funny to me how much it overlaps sometimes. My boyfriend's an e9 and the shared attributes and contrasts are interesting, since he's way more laid back and spontaneous but he's also an ISFJ sp-first. We have our areas in which we're way more uptight and not. I think the most telling difference is that he instinctively (literally) and very naturally stays on top of his self-preservation. If he's tired, he finds a way to take a nap. If he's dirty, he showers. If something's not right in his home, he fixes it. If his laundry needs doing, he does it. For me, all those things fall way to the bottom of my priority list. I might be tired but if I still feel like I need to run errands and visit my grandma, I'll do those things first. My poor car rarely gets serviced unless my parents remind me. It's "maintenance" tasks that are so hard for me, and so that's kind of how I've come to see sp-first and how it's different from 6. 6 makes sure you're safe, but sp makes sure you're maintained. Sometimes they overlap, like going to the doctor, or sometimes they're laundry and get neglected for as long as humanly possible.

On a side note, when I am in a relationship, I feel wonderful but I also feel trapped. I don't like to limit myself to one girl.

I thought I would get more of that because of e7, but turns out I experience more fear/uncertainty about "is this the one" than any feelings of being trapped. I really want a traditional longterm relationship that leads into marriage, kids, grandkids, and being crazy old people together, so that's the concern that's usually haunting me, if anything. I really just want to have one person, but I want them happy with me forever, which is the hard part.

Also, I'm glad you can get health care, because I can't. Health care is a king's ransom now-a-days, and Obama Care didn't help me a damn bit.

! PM me about this, what happened? I just signed up for March and my monthly payment is very low thanks to the government-issued stipend. Went from 200+ to 40, and I have one heck of a preexisting condition. I could give you the number of the people I worked with who help me set everything up, if you think it'd be of any use.

 

[The Great One]

[MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION]

Yeah, it's funny to me how much it overlaps sometimes. My boyfriend's an e9 and the shared attributes and contrasts are interesting, since he's way more laid back and spontaneous but he's also an ISFJ sp-first. We have our areas in which we're way more uptight and not. I think the most telling difference is that he instinctively (literally) and very naturally stays on top of his self-preservation. If he's tired, he finds a way to take a nap. If he's dirty, he showers. If something's not right in his home, he fixes it. If his laundry needs doing, he does it. For me, all those things fall way to the bottom of my priority list. I might be tired but if I still feel like I need to run errands and visit my grandma, I'll do those things first. My poor car rarely gets serviced unless my parents remind me. It's "maintenance" tasks that are so hard for me, and so that's kind of how I've come to see sp-first and how it's different from 6. 6 makes sure you're safe, but sp makes sure you're maintained. Sometimes they overlap, like going to the doctor, or sometimes they're laundry and get neglected for as long as humanly possible.

Well this is why it is so hard for me to figure out my variant stack. I have a horrible gagging problem that makes it impossible for me to exercise, horrible PTSD complete with panic attacks, and I little fractured my penis not too long ago and it hurts a lot. Oh, and that's just the health problems that I have. In addition, I have horrible bed bugs that won't die no matter what I do, and eat me alive every night that I go to sleep, and I have had them for an entire year now. I literally have to take sleeping pills to go to sleep every night as well. I also have to share a car with my dad, which is a major inconvenience. Finally, I live in a really ghetto area, and in the last 2 years I have lived here, they have found 2 dead bodies here, we have gotten bed bugs twice, there was a drug raid and they had cops with shotguns, K9 drug hounds, and HUGE bullet proof vest come and raid a house for drugs, and the neighbors are all very loud and blare really loud music. Also, my father is an ex-con and I have to carry him a lot because he can't seem to get a job, no matter what he does. My life is a living hell right now, and it seems like money is the only thing that will solve it! So I have to work like a slave constantly to end this misery!

I thought I would get more of that because of e7, but turns out I experience more fear/uncertainty about "is this the one" than any feelings of being trapped. I really want a traditional longterm relationship that leads into marriage, kids, grandkids, and being crazy old people together, so that's the concern that's usually haunting me, if anything. I really just want to have one person, but I want them happy with me forever, which is the hard part.

Well when I am in a committed relationship, I worry whether I have found "the one" as well. After all, when there are so many fish out there, how can you be sure that you have found "the perfect fish"? However, most of the time, I feel that relationships make me feel trapped though, because I feel like I am limiting my options. However, I have a VERY strong 7 wing. How strong is your 7 wing?

! PM me about this, what happened? I just signed up for March and my monthly payment is very low thanks to the government-issued stipend. Went from 200+ to 40, and I have one heck of a preexisting condition. I could give you the number of the people I worked with who help me set everything up, if you think it'd be of any use.

I will PM you.

 

[skylights]

Well this is why it is so hard for me to figure out my variant stack. I have a horrible gagging problem that makes it impossible for me to exercise, horrible PTSD complete with panic attacks, and I little fractured my penis not too long ago and it hurts a lot. Oh, and that's just the health problems that I have. In addition, I have horrible bed bugs that won't die no matter what I do, and eat me alive every night that I go to sleep, and I have had them for an entire year now. I literally have to take sleeping pills to go to sleep every night as well. I also have to share a car with my dad, which is a major inconvenience. Finally, I live in a really ghetto area, and in the last 2 years I have lived here, they have found 2 dead bodies here, we have gotten bed bugs twice, there was a drug raid and they had cops with shotguns, K9 drug hounds, and HUGE bullet proof vest come and raid a house for drugs, and the neighbors are all very loud and blare really loud music. Also, my father is an ex-con and I have to carry him a lot because he can't seem to get a job, no matter what he does. My life is a living hell right now, and it seems like money is the only thing that will solve it! So I have to work like a slave constantly to end this misery!

You certainly have a lot of stress on you right now. Props to you for staying with school and your job. The struggle must suck but it'll be so rewarding when you get to the end. But as for your variant, I have a hard time seeing it with you too. You always seem to have mostly sp/sx concerns, but you seem to vibe something softer.

Well when I am in a committed relationship, I worry whether I have found "the one" as well. After all, when there are so many fish out there, how can you be sure that you have found "the perfect fish"? However, most of the time, I feel that relationships make me feel trapped though, because I feel like I am limiting my options. However, I have a VERY strong 7 wing. How strong is your 7 wing?

Probably not as strong. I'd say I'm in pretty solid 6 territory and just lean more often towards 7. I have some 5ish qualities too. I think I'm most scared that I'll think I'll have found the right one and then years down the road I'll learn that I was wrong.

 

[Such Irony]

How important is it for you to look sexually attractive and to appeal to the opposite sex?

It's important but yet its not something I spend a lot of time or thought on. Regarding my appearance, I'm pretty low maintenance. I don't like to spend alot of time fussing with clothes or my hair. I don't bother with make-up. Too much work. That said, I do care about how I look, but it's more how society in general thinks about my appearance more than it is about attracting one potential mate (Social > sexual). I definitely don't want to be thought of ugly and I would be deeply hurt if someone thought that of me, especially someone I was attracted to. But overall, what occupies my thoughts and priorities in life are other things.

 

[PursuitOfHappiness]

For me, a lot of the things mentioned above can make me feel better, but I will add one thing to the mix here. Perhaps on account of my 6-ness, the more I have means the more I can lose. For example, a lot of money in the bank can be something else to worry about. Or, a loving relationship can be a potential heartbreak. Because 6's can sometimes consider worst-case scenarios, these wonderful things can fuel a certain kind of 6-ish apprehension rather than a feeling of safety.

So, my feeling of safety may most likely originate inside myself as a result of my internal thoughts (perhaps as a result of a quiet sit for 10 or 15 minutes) rather than an external change in my circumstance. It seems like my feelings of safety may have more to do with what's going through my mind rather than my actual life circumstances. So, the wonderful things mentioned above can make me happy temporarily, but I feel like my 6-ness dictates that any deeper, long term feeling of safety must result from my conscious choice to take charge of how I think about the things that I think I want to get.

 

[LadyLazarus]

Somewhat slightly still considering 6w7. Either way I'm going to answer this.

Things that make me feel safe:

1.)Being in a relationship.
2.)My family.
3.)Alone time.
4.)Financial stability.

 

[Galena]

-Relationship problems being resolved

-Physical health

-Resources to obtain and proximity to food and shelter

-The option to be alone (most important)

Pretty simple.

 

[Animal]

-The option to be alone (most important)

^ This is crucial.

 

[Evo]

For me, a lot of the things mentioned above can make me feel better, but I will add one thing to the mix here. Perhaps on account of my 6-ness, the more I have means the more I can lose. For example, a lot of money in the bank can be something else to worry about. Or, a loving relationship can be a potential heartbreak. Because 6's can sometimes consider worst-case scenarios, these wonderful things can fuel a certain kind of 6-ish apprehension rather than a feeling of safety.

So, my feeling of safety may most likely originate inside myself as a result of my internal thoughts (perhaps as a result of a quiet sit for 10 or 15 minutes) rather than an external change in my circumstance. It seems like my feelings of safety may have more to do with what's going through my mind rather than my actual life circumstances. So, the wonderful things mentioned above can make me happy temporarily, but I feel like my 6-ness dictates that any deeper, long term feeling of safety must result from my conscious choice to take charge of how I think about the things that I think I want to get.

Yea, that's the only true security we have. It comes from within. But I find that so hard to cultivate.

 

[Stansmith]

It's usually intangibles like having a sense of consistency and refinement in regards to my priorities, knowing how things will play out, feeling in control of my circumstances, etc. Going from point-A to point-B without any unnecessary diversions or distractions.