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Enneagram 7s and feeling trapped in relationships

badger055

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 29, 2012
Messages
570
Definitely. I very much believed I was a 5. A hyperactive/feeling one but still a 5. Even now, I still score really high on 5. I'm hoping to achieve a healthy vs unhealthy connection to it this time around. I just couldn't relate to that "happy go-lucky" or cosmo description of a 7. I didn't perceive myself being optimistic either. More this curious mixture of idealism and realism. They sometimes squeak when I rub them together.

Definitely got some 2-ish traits going on from 8.

I like to think of 7 as a 5 in motion. We can deal with information on the fly. A 5 can get easily overwhelmed they need to retreat into their hole so they can look everything over.

That's when you find a girl whose interest is very, very hard to attain. ;)

They're out there. And they're more than likely single.

If that's true then where is your amazing girl eh dj?
 

valaki

New member
Joined
Jan 1, 2014
Messages
940
MBTI Type
SeNi
Enneagram
8+7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Definitely. I very much believed I was a 5. A hyperactive/feeling one but still a 5. Even now, I still score really high on 5. I'm hoping to achieve a healthy vs unhealthy connection to it this time around. I just couldn't relate to that "happy go-lucky" or cosmo description of a 7. I didn't perceive myself being optimistic either. More this curious mixture of idealism and realism. They sometimes squeak when I rub them together.

Yeah my connection to 5 is mix of healthy/unhealthy too. Suppose that's easy when you got both strong 7 and 8.


Definitely got some 2-ish traits going on from 8.

You got a 8 fix?


Na I'm not actually that grumpy in real life. I like to mess with people for entertainment purposes and when my sx doesn't like something it REALLY doesn't like it. I almost never take anything seriously life is one big joke to me. In real life if I actually like you all you see is crazy 7. I act like a kid. Online I get to exercise my darker side.

Lol I see :p

Online I more easily get into laid-back playful smiley whatnot "mode". (Unless I flip into the argumentative one.) IRL I'm like this only under certain circumstances. It takes more for me to "warm up" IRL, initial interaction while enjoyable, will have me guarded too.


Interesting. I'm the opposite. Online I'm a puppy and in real life I freak people out. I don't take myself seriously but I take life VERY seriously.

I take both seriously :/


I've met her several times and it failed because I wasn't able to stand on my own two feet quite yet.

Was it the same "her" each time or a different "her"? ;p

This standing on your own two feet, you meant that financially or emotionally or what?
 

badger055

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Messages
570
I've met her several times and it failed because I wasn't able to stand on my own two feet quite yet.

"There is only one thing worse than not achieving a goal and that is achieving it."

Sounds like you are just in love with the chase not with the actual girl.

Interesting. I'm the opposite. Online I'm a puppy and in real life I freak people out. I don't take myself seriously but I take life VERY seriously.

Interdasting. I can never be outright mean to someone in real life even if I tried. I guess I'm forced to show my 7 and the default for that is to just not care about anything. I can only be mean if it's in reaction to something.
 

valaki

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sx/sp
Interdasting. I can never be outright mean to someone in real life even if I tried. I guess I'm forced to show my 7 and the default for that is to just not care about anything. I can only be mean if it's in reaction to something.

Same, I'm only mean when reacting to shit.

But I'm not sure [MENTION=10984]Azure Flame[/MENTION] was talking about being mean when he said he freaks people out. At least I saw some thread a while ago where it was due to some other issue (?)
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
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ENTJ
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7w8
Why do you think a woman would "hang on your emotions all the time"? Other people have lives too.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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*not a 7, but have 7 in my tritype*

I think it might happen for you, once your focus in life shifts a little. Right now you're still out there, exploring the world, for the most part, and people happen to be part of that, but are more like an experience or object to entertain you to you. Once you've done that for a while, you might find yourself starting to be interested in discovering things in greater depth (integration to 5), including people and relationships, and the prospect of a long term relationship will fill you less with dread.
 

grey_beard

The Typing Tabby
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Jan 28, 2014
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I am 21, and at this point in my life just want to have fun and be free. I don't understand why everyone's so obsessed with having a significant other. I had a boyfriend two years ago, for a year, he asked me to marry him, I broke up. My lack of interest in relationships is caused by a mixture of not having a need for emotional connection, my need for independence, getting bored by routine (seeing the same person wake up next to me everyday, aaaggh), need for freedom etc. Being in a relationship means being responsible for the things you say and do, having to do things for others bla bla bla, having to answer to someone. I'd feel claustrophobic. The cons outweigh the pros. What even are the pros? I still don't know. Thank God most of my friends are like me. Young, wild and FREE
Don't take the good times for granted! You may think "you have all the time in the world" -- but time flies like an arrow. (Fruit flies, on the other hand, like a banana.)
Once you reach the overripe old age of 30, you might not have as many suitors to choose from: some will have gotten married, some will have tried for marriage, gotten burned, and dropped out altogether;
and many of those who are still left, will either be picked-over remnants, or have baggage. The hot older guys who are so much fun now? Notice they're looking at YOU...now. When you reach their age, the guys that age will still be looking at younger women...the women who are your CURRENT age.

The good part of being married (choose *carefully*!!!) is KNOWING someone who has your back through the ups and downs, good times and bad, who is committed to you and your well-being.
And when you get a little older -- all of a sudden, when you look back, the "fun times" will seem a blur, and pointless.
The "hot guys" for fun & dating -- don't always have what it takes to be a good husband. But if you get too used to living it up with hot guys now, then, if you marry a "steady Freddy" later, he'll seem boring.
And having to live a responsible life will seem boring too. But if you marry young, and build a life together -- you get the best of both worlds...and for keeps.
The key to separating out the "good catches" from the douchebags? The "good catch" will want to spend *TIME* with you. ;)

And, NO, I'm not a bitter dweeb living in his parents' basement. I got married at 22, and I'm still married to her at 50. I never have to worry about where my next lay is coming from.
And she's ALL MINE. :happy2:

There's more than one route through life!
 

badger055

Permabanned
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Aug 29, 2012
Messages
570
Why do you think a woman would "hang on your emotions all the time"? Other people have lives too.

I find it annoying that I have to check in with this person and that my emotions are being touched at all. Just knowing she is attached to me is enough to annoy me like I can't just do whatever I want.

I got married at 22, and I'm still married to her at 50. I never have to worry about where my next lay is coming from.
And she's ALL MINE. :happy2:

lol I had a flash of fear reading that
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
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7w8
I find it annoying that I have to check in with this person and that my emotions are being touched at all. Just knowing she is attached to me is enough to annoy me like I can't just do whatever I want.

That's your super-ego telling you that, not her!
 

Evo

Unapologetic being
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3,160
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1w9
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I find it annoying that I have to check in with this person and that my emotions are being touched at all. Just knowing she is attached to me is enough to annoy me like I can't just do whatever I want.

God. I relate to this pressure and sense of obligation sooooooo much.

Just a shorthand for saying "what your brain tells you ought to do".

But HOW do I get my super ego to stop?!!!!!!!

Got any practical advice?
 

badger055

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*not a 7, but have 7 in my tritype*

I think it might happen for you, once your focus in life shifts a little. Right now you're still out there, exploring the world, for the most part, and people happen to be part of that, but are more like an experience or object to entertain you to you. Once you've done that for a while, you might find yourself starting to be interested in discovering things in greater depth (integration to 5), including people and relationships, and the prospect of a long term relationship will fill you less with dread.

When you talk about this stuff like one day I will become more like you it makes me feel like you want me to sell out. I would rather roll myself out on to a highway and let a bus run me over before that ever happens.

And you know just as much about 7s as I do about 4s and I know next to nothing about 4s. My 4 fix just means I'm individualistic to me.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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When you talk about this stuff like one day I will become more like you it makes me feel like you want me to sell out. I would rather roll myself out on to a highway and let a bus run me over before that ever happens.

And you know just as much about 7s as I do about 4s and I know next to nothing about 4s. My 4 fix just means I'm individualistic to me.

...all I did was apply the enneagram theory. Integration into 5 does mean that you take a longer look at things. You realise I have nothing to lose or gain from wanting you to turn out one way or another, right? There is no hidden agenda here, nor am I trying to convert you to some cult. You asked for input, I put a warning label on it - you could've just ignored it if you felt it wasn't applicable as you stated you would. As for becoming like me - I never needed the time to grow into relationships - I've been in one since I was 18. So there is no risk of becoming me, you're too late for that already. But I've seen this in others, and I recognise that drive in myself wrt to other areas of my life, so I tried to relay what I could.

I'm sorry that my input seems to make you so defensive - I'll stop answering your threads.
 

badger055

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Messages
570
...all I did was apply the enneagram theory. Integration into 5 does mean that you take a longer look at things. You realise I have nothing to lose or gain from wanting you to turn out one way or another, right? There is no hidden agenda here, nor am I trying to convert you to some cult. You asked for input, I put a warning label on it - you could've just ignored it if you felt it wasn't applicable as you stated you would. As for becoming like me - I never needed the time to grow into relationships - I've been in one since I was 18. So there is no risk of becoming me, you're too late for that already. But I've seen this in others, and I recognise that drive in myself wrt to other areas of my life, so I tried to relay what I could.

I'm sorry that my input seems to make you so defensive - I'll stop answering your threads.

I have a strong aversion to anything normal. Just don't try and make me normal and we don't have a problem. "It's more fun to be a pirate than to join the navy"
 

HongDou

navigating
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Nov 23, 2012
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I thought that was Id.

It's more like, Superego is what your brain tells you what you should do and Id is what your brain tells you what you want to do.
 

Avocado

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It's more like, Superego is what your brain tells you what you should do and Id is what your brain tells you what you want to do.

You want to eat somebody's pie, but know you shouldn't...

gotcha...
 
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