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[Type 6] Enneagram 6's. Omg help.

Azure Flame

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I thought having an E6 as a boss was rough... having them as subordinates is just as bad! Its just fucking anxiety constantly. ANd they work their asses off to stave off the anxiety. And then as their boss who isn't a 6, I'm sitting calmly in my office meditating. They now talk behind my back about how lazy I am, or how they're worried about me because all I do is sit in my office being anxious! I'm not "Sitting in my office being anxious," I'm meditating and planning my next move, or enjoying some hot cocoa once in a while.

Its like they're completely fucking oblivious to the fact that other people don't have the same problems they do!

Its like, they are this self sufficient cloud of hell that supports itself and I need to just fucking get out of the way. But when I get out of the way, they think I'm no longer supporting them, so they take over and start doubting my leadership, and giving me that fucking "you left me out to die!" look on their face.

And I can't escape their anxiety. Working with them is completely miserable. If I move out of the house they live in, they visit me every day. If drive away in the car, they call my cell phone looking for validation on their decision!

"Just tell them to leave you alone." I did that. I saw pain in their eyes. And then several of them started badmouthing me about how "I just want to play CEO" and "I just wanna be this" and "I just wanna do that" or how i"m completely selfish.

I'm at a loss. I have no idea how to deal with these people anymore. This is miserable and I don't know how to fucking satisfy their expectations. It seems like whenever I give them something they just want more, and when I take it away, they stop working entirely.

*pulls hair out*

Please help. I feel like I'm supposed to completely ignore all emotions and thoughts running through their head and just do what I do and they will follow. I don't like it, but I'm starting to not take anything they think or feel seriously and view them as extremely predictable. Its like I'm this dude walking down the street and they're dancing around me waving their arms and poking me with sticks to see what I do. And it just never fucking ends. My full time job is to get poked with sticks from all directions. Unbelievable.
 

Azure Flame

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It feels like I'm being attacked by puddies except I'm not allowed to beat the shit out of them because we are supposed to be friends or something.
 

badger055

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Yea I can't stand 6s. They are by far the type that rubs me the wrong way the most. They like to project everything that is true for them on to other people. Fire them and hire ISTJ 1s.
 

Azure Flame

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lmao thank you for validating my thoughts. But "firing" people is kind of a last resort. I have come to trust these guys' abilities.

Should I hire an E3 middle manager for them to latch onto? Can E3's or E9's handle this better than I can?
 

Azure Flame

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I think they want me to tell them they're doing a good job, which I for some reason am extremely objectionable on. OO OO LOOK AT ME HOW DID I DO? god why. I'm going to cry. I'm gonna call my former naval commander father he might know what to do.
 

violet_crown

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Is this one of those things where some guy goes on some intensely homophobic rant only for it to be revealed that he's been frequenting bath houses for the past thirty years?
 

Alea_iacta_est

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Find a way to integrate them to Type 9. God your situation sounds tough, I can't imagine being stuck with a bunch of 6s like that. And what's worse, they're probably Prussian 6s. I can't stand them for thirty seconds let alone a whole work day. Hang in there.
 

badger055

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[MENTION=10984]Azure Flame[/MENTION]

I don't think you really have the money for that right now. Maybe later. Yea they are looking for affirmation. Employee of the month ect. Try picking something about them that you like and tell them they are awesome at it. It will go a long way.
 

Azure Flame

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my father is a retired commander in the navy and he had some helpful things to tell me. One of the biggest problems is that I don't actually have any privacy. I seem to believe I don't need any, but that's wrong. So my biggest obstacle right now is trying to figure out how to get privacy. The money is tight but I can figure it out somehow.
 

highlander

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lmao thank you for validating my thoughts. But "firing" people is kind of a last resort. I have come to trust these guys' abilities.

Should I hire an E3 middle manager for them to latch onto? Can E3's or E9's handle this better than I can?

You should never make hiring decisions based on a person's type. Ever.

It is unethical.

I think 6s and 8s can clash and it is as much about the 8s behavior as it is about the 6.

What I have always tried to do is use type as a way of understanding and appreciating people for who they are and understanding the differences. I think that might work better than complaining about a particular type and how they act as if the blame is all theirs. I don't really see that as productive.
 

Azure Flame

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You should never make hiring decisions based on a person's type. Ever.

It is unethical.

hmmm. I didn't consider that. However its something we as humans do naturally, the only difference is that I have a label to slap onto those traits.
 

Azure Flame

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What I have always tried to do is use type as a way of understanding and appreciating people for who they are and understanding the differences. I think that might work better than complaining about a particular type and how they act as if the blame is all theirs. I don't really see that as productive.

Naw I understand. It feels good to vent about how retarded I think these guys are behaving but that's why I'm asking for help.
 

highlander

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The other thing that occurs to me is that if there are certain people who are pushing our buttons then it can help to look inside ourselves and understand why we are reacting the way we are. We can get ourselves out of a position where we have to deal with those specific people but these same issues tend to crop up again and get worse as time goes on. It is sort of like if you don't learn the lesson you are supposed to learn, these things keep coming up over and over until you figure out a way to deal with it. If you're ambitious and people skills are important to your success then it is helpful to confront the issue and figure out what it is you are supposed to learn. I think typically it involves some sort of projection, past hurts or other baggage that we have.

Edit: And I speak from the perspective of someone who used to do a lot of this kind of venting as you are doing now but it was typically about a specific individual that I was frustrated or having a problem with.
 

Azure Flame

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The other thing that occurs to me is that if there are certain people who are pushing our buttons then it can help to look inside ourselves and understand why we are reacting the way we are. We can get ourselves out of a position where we have to deal with those specific people but these same issues tend to crop up again and get worse as time goes on. It is sort of like if you don't learn the lesson you are supposed to learn, these things keep coming up over and over until you figure out a way to deal with it. If you're ambitious and people skills are important to your success then it is helpful to confront the issue and figure out what it is you are supposed to learn. I think typically it involves some sort of projection, past hurts or other baggage that we have.

Edit: And I speak from the perspective of someone who used to do a lot of this kind of venting as you are doing now but it was typically about a specific individual that I was frustrated or having a problem with.

I spent 5 years in the military trying to figure out how to solve this problem. And when you ask them what the problem is they can't tell you. Believe me, confronting the problem did nothing. This is about knowledge and awareness of the root cause, not so much being afraid to face something within myself.

I had a conversation with my retired naval officer father, and he said that I need to establish privacy and weekly meetings, and assert that they need to come to me and say "this is what happened, and this is what I did about it" instead of coming to me looking for a solution to every problem they encounter.
 

Starry

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You should never make hiring decisions based on a person's type. Ever.

It is unethical.

I think 6s and 8s can clash and it is as much about the 8s behavior as it is about the 6.

What I have always tried to do is use type as a way of understanding and appreciating people for who they are and understanding the differences. I think that might work better than complaining about a particular type and how they act as if the blame is all theirs. I don't really see that as productive.

Just wanted to quickly make a note here of the fact that to this day... one of the most administered tests during the hiring process is the MBTI.
 

Azure Flame

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I think highlander took offense to my post but doesn't really want to admit it. I feel bad but that doesn't change the fact that I"m really really fucking pissed at these guys.
 

highlander

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highlander

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I think highlander took offense to my post but doesn't really want to admit it. I feel bad but that doesn't change the fact that I"m really really fucking pissed at these guys.

It's strongly worded so I can see how you might get that impression but I'm actually not offended in the slightest. I hold a strong opinion on this issue. Also, since you are direct in the way you express yourself, my natural inclination is to be direct in return (right or wrong).

I personally believe it is a very bad idea to make negative judgments about people based on their type. I've done it myself to be sure especially earlier on when I was learning about it. I still have an occasional weak moment, but I try to be pretty conscious of this because I feel it is a dangerous and counterproductive misapplication of type.
 

Starry

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See #6 in the following under "interpreting results".

http://www.capt.org/mbti-assessment/ethical-use.htm

Here is another article:

http://www.stoel.com/showarticle.aspx?Show=957

Yes, thank you. I'm aware that there are pages and pages of 'ethical use guidelines' which merely says to me...'guidelines that we can use to convince ourselves we're not using the MBTI for the reasons we're truly using it for (and subsequently convince ourselves we are [still] really good people).'

The way I see it is...if you are administering a personality inventory during the hiring process...'unethical' discrimination will occur, period. It is unavoidable no matter how many pretty words you make use of to counteract that reality. I would love to see some actual data on this... how many FPs are hired when screened alongside TJs. <-Here is where we could ascertain how well those 'ethical guidelines' are working.

Frankly, I would rather be rejected merely because the owner of the company despises ENFPs...than because they believe I will be perpetually late and am unorganized.
 
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