[Type 4] How do you experience life as an Enneagram 4?

[Doctor Cringelord]

I think I'm currently at level 5, bordering on level 6 or 7

Level 5: To stay in touch with feelings, they interiorize everything, taking everything personally, but become self-absorbed and introverted, moody and hypersensitive, shy and self-conscious, unable to be spontaneous or to "get out of themselves." Stay withdrawn to protect their self-image and to buy time to sort out feelings.

Level 6: Gradually think that they are different from others, and feel that they are exempt from living as everyone else does. They become melancholy dreamers, disdainful, decadent, and sensual, living in a fantasy world. Self-pity and envy of others leads to self-indulgence, and to becoming increasingly impractical, unproductive, effete, and precious.

Level 7: When dreams fail, become self-inhibiting and angry at self, depressed and alienated from self and others, blocked and emotionally paralyzed. Ashamed of self, fatigued and unable to function.

honestly, having a kid to nurture and care for is the only thing that keeps me going anymore. I think otherwise I'd have probably killed myself already.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

The really depressing thing is that I don't think I've ever realized my full potential

Level 1 (At Their Best): Profoundly creative, expressing the personal and the universal, possibly in a work of art. Inspired, self-renewing and regenerating: able to transform all their experiences into something valuable: self-creative.

I think, at best, I reached level 3 when I was younger

Level 3: Highly personal, individualistic, "true to self." Self-revealing, emotionally honest, humane. Ironic view of self and life: can be serious and funny, vulnerable and emotionally strong.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I've been in a healthier state of mind these last couple of years. I probably more so resemble enneatype one, at the moment.

However, I do still have lingering feelings of jealousy, envy, feeling of being different and unlike others. Somehow missing something. Always longing. Though, not always certain what I'm longing for. I less frequently feel depressed or melancholy. But, I like to really hold onto that wave when it does hit me. Let it eat me alive, even if just for that night until it passes me again.

Overall, I've maintained calm and happiness in the last few years and tend to set myself into action.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Yes, it's funny how depression and melancholy has that effect. It almost becomes addictive. I want to get past it, yet a part of me just wants to wallow in my self pity.

On the outside i maintain my composure, but I cry on the inside. I don't like letting people see me feel this way.

Only the people really close to me can usually tell something is wrong. I maintain a smile and positive attitude in public and at work, but it takes a lot of energy to keep that up for too long.