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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010

    Default E3 business Partner advice

    So I have a business partner, an ENFJ 3. We're also room mates.

    He gives wayyyy too much to me. He cooks for me, he takes care of me. All of this stuff. He just, helps me with it all.

    They say E3's have a fear of looking worthless, and thus strive to become as useful as possible.

    As an E8, I pride myself in my ability to be self sufficient. Naturally this is starting to cause a little bit of friction as he offers me food and I say "no thank you."

    Any practical suggestions on how I should approach this situation before resentment builds or his insecurities start to add up?

    ENFJ's kinda freak me out because they give you stuff but I also suspect they're looking for something in return, and I never really know what to give them in return.

    I don't really know how to approach the situation without feeling like that would be condescending. In an odd way he's fiercely loyal to me in a way that I don't think I deserve.

  2. #2


    As an ENFJ 3, I relate to your perspective much more than his.

    I'm a huge fan of partnering with other people who can hold their own--who can be self-sufficient--so that I don't have to 'take care of them.' Give me someone with talent, and I'll try to help them create opportunities to go off and practice those talents.

    When someone needs to be needed, and especially if they "create" needs so that they can then fill them, they're being completely disrespectful and selfish. That one's on them and their ego.

    That said, I'd say to keep pushing back. Don't play into his game, and set your boundary at a hardline "no thanks." If he respects your "no," he won't be doing something for you that he then can expect payment for. If he keeps pressing, then.. well.. keep pressing, and further cement in your mind that that issue's on him.

  3. #3
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    Is there a possibility he's really a 2w3 with a strong wing? If you're sure of 3, he must have a very strong 2 wing.

    Assuming he has e2 in him, he's helping you for the purpose of filling the need in himself of being wanted and needed. I would actually think pushing back would be a less-positive thing to do, as it rejects him. All you probably need to do is thank him for what he offers to do or does, gently let him know if you'd prefer to take care of something yourself, and offer him other situations where he can be helpful to you (eg chores like taking out the trash, etc). And encourage him to take care of himself, because he's probably neglecting his own deep emotional needs.

    Somewhat awkwardly, are you positive he doesn't have a thing for you? Business partner and roommate and always helping you - that's a fair amount of loyalty and intimacy.

  4. #4
    Junior Member PursuitOfHappiness's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    6w5 sp/sx


    Although I agree with skylights that there's a 2 somewhere inside your roomate, I think Azure Flame could be right that he's dealing with a 3w2.

    I have long standing relationships with both 2w3 (my brother) as well as a 3w2 (business relationship...btw aren't these guys great to work with?...anyways).

    If it is ok for you to lose this relationship, it may be best for you to take the advice of garbage. For me, the aforementioned relationships are important enough to me for me to try something different. So, I have 2 recommendations:

    1) Say "Thank you" EVERY time your roommate does something for you, even though it may be painful for you. Unhealthy 2's sorta gotta have this.
    2) Share your sincere desire for self-sufficiency with a way that appreciates him, makes you seem vulnerable (I know this may be hard), and let him know that the reason that you tell him is that he and his relationship with you are very important to you.

    If you ascribe to the idea that 8's disintegrate to 5, you may believe that you and I (who has a 5 wing sp) may share similar desires for self-sufficiency as well as an off-put feeling when 2's or 3w2's do stuff for us that we would prefer to avoid. If you are with me on that, I will jokingly place an intentionally lame-ass fist bump for you riiiiiiiiiiiight here...

    Btw, in the past, I have given a couple of gifts to my HVAC person when he visited my home. He's an 8, so maybe I'll stop this practice now that I read your post Peace and good luck.

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