Okay, I think a lot about anger, as it has been a major issue in my life (my grandfather had an angry ESTJ wife, my ESFJ ex had a violent anger problem, I have to deal with my less-obvious-on-the-surface-but-sometimes-inappropriately-directed anger as a consequence) ...and the conclusion that I've come to is that anger can help energize us and see that things are wrong, lead us into self-protection.
Anger directed inward becomes depression. I think part of the reason I've had a depressive disorder is because of inwardly directed anger, but as a child I wasn't ALLOWED to be angry at my step-monster, so I turned it inside.
However, I've had a pretty firm grip on being assertive and expressing anger since my late teens. I don't think I'm a gut type, but I do have an 8 gut fix in my triad.
There is a 9 who directs a lot of his anger at me. And to an extent, it is completely inappropriate, considering the fact that I was always loyal to him and expressed love for him, and only was cruel to him in reaction to him being cruel to me first (but he probably doesn't see it that way, because he's out of touch with himself, though he would admit to me he purposefully did passive-aggressive things to push my buttons).
He acted angry at me, for example, when I knew he was actually angry at another woman. He had every right to be angry at her, but somehow, I ended up being the person he got angry at.
You know why? Because he's a repressed 9, and 9s look for the easiest possible way...and I'm a receptive and emotionally expressive person. I'm thinking at the time that the other person wasn't very receptive. I seem like an okay person to show anger to. I'm receptive to him being pretty much whomever he is whenever he is that, and I was especially open to him at the time, it's funny, because I remember my intention at the time was to "help" him as he was drinking heavily and we had recently got back into touch. It's also easy to show emotions to me since I'm so emotional. It's like a create an "appropriate" and comfortable space for other people to be expressive emotionally when I'm being emotionally expressive...I guess?
Anyway, he has maintained a vicious and unbelievable (and unwarranted) amount of anger at me. I think about it and I think "I don't deserve this."
However, I've started also reading about unconditional love and what love really is, and love starts with self-love. Above all you have to love yourself. Start with self-care. Start with loving and accepting self completely (not in a narcissistic or "I'm better" sort of way, but in a really honest and authentic and spiritual way).
I read something tonight, where a woman had written that you stop feeling like a victim when you're completely in touch with your self love and can give unconditional love without expecting anything in return. You don't expect anything in return because you already love yourself so completely and spiritually, and realize there is no shortage of love, that there is an abundance of love from the Source.
Even if you aren't spiritual, I do think that complete self-love and self-acceptance could help you A) stop being angry at yourself and B) maybe even to stop feeling like a victim so you would be a little less angry at your ex-wife so that C) you could somehow move mountains with unconditional love for your son.
Because love begets love, and once you really are filled with self-love and can give unconditional love, love comes back to you, maybe from places you least expect it (because remember, you don't expect or demand it from anyone in particular, it's not an accounting game, it's not capitalism or an eye for eye, that's not how real love works).
If any of this does not make sense, let me know, and I'll try to be clearer.