[Type 8] Do 8s Have an Anger Problem?

[Azure Flame]

I haven't let loose on someone in a long time. I need to find some kind of hobby where I can scream at people for no particular reason. Maybe that's what video games are for.

 

[EJCC]

I haven't let loose on someone in a long time. I need to find some kind of hobby where I can scream at people for no particular reason. Maybe that's what video games are for.

Learn to play the drums! It's like the physical, non-verbal version of yelling at someone -- or, from another angle, the nonviolent alternative to beating the tar out of someone.

 

[violet_crown]

I haven't let loose on someone in a long time. I need to find some kind of hobby where I can scream at people for no particular reason. Maybe that's what video games are for.

Learn to play the drums! It's like the physical, non-verbal version of yelling at someone -- or, from another angle, the nonviolent alternative to beating the tar out of someone.

Yeah, the arts are a big outlet for me. Chicks also totally dig musicians.

I don't seek out fights much. If it happens, it happens. I'm really fairly relaxed about confrontation, but do my best to avoid the unnecessary ones.

 

[Animal]

Yeah, the arts are a big outlet for me. Chicks also totally dig musicians.

I don't seek out fights much. If it happens, it happens. I'm really fairly relaxed about confrontation, but do my best to avoid the unnecessary ones.

I relate to this.

I have a lot of rage, but worked on managing it and channeling it early in my life. My parents are both high-IQ psychiatrists, which helps; because they recognized how much energy I had and got me engaged in a lot of activities. By the time I was 13 I had a career in music, and had already learned to channel a lot of my rage into the songs I would write. My energy had somewhere to go: I'd stay up all night practicing or writing songs. So, I would say yes, I have an anger problem, innately; but at this point in my life, for the most part, I don't pick fights. Sometimes I channel my energy into songs and novels that I write, or I go to the gym and it gets purged; or sometimes, I find myself on my political page where I get into heated arguments with people. But I've rarely ever started a physical fight. I'll go with direct verbal confrontation when necessary, but I'd prefer to avoid unnecessary confrontation as well.

 

[mmhmm]

All the same, I think there's a lot of power in being able to manage one's emotions even in difficult situations. Now I'm just working out when it's called for versus when to just let loose on someone.

i get annoyed, frustrated easily.
but it goes away very fast too.

there are very few triggers where
i completely lose control and just
explode--everyone must suffer.
and i will not know. when. to. stop.
(well usually when i feel they are
suffering more than i am, then
i be like ok... cool offfff)

it's gotten better with age, as in,
i try to remove myself from the
situation, it's like i can feel it bubbling
up. because i can only get to that point
when it involved the ones i love the most,
and shitting on them is just, so...the satisfaction
is so fleeting. then i just feel bad afterwards.

but in the moment. oh boy.

though most of the time, i like pushing buttons,
and i get riled up, so i can push more buttons.
i have no idea if that makes sense.

 

[Amargith]

If 8s can channel that anger into something they love, they tend to soar, imho. As I said...I love watching that firestorm they carry within

I also find it a relief to encounter someone who for once *isnt* going to be afraid of my own intensity and will match it piece for piece. It's like the Opera voice meeting the Church Organ in a bone chilling song when we go toe to toe


However, if they are still fighting with themselves, that energy can be chaotic and hit innocent people. Harm them, as such, which is definitely something to watch out for. I personally don't mind being near someone like that, as I calculate the risk for myself before going there, but many people seem to not pick it up until it is too late.

 

[Azure Flame]

In my experience, being angry is almost never a good thing.

I live with a female ESTP 8w7, and when she's angry she just cleans the entire house, blasts music in her headphones and curses to herself under her breath.

She's the girlfriend of one of my guy friends. So, we view her as that and nothing else. She gets pissed off frequently, and when she's pissed she usually just stands up and leaves to go be by herself without saying anything, meanwhile we just look at each other pursing our lips in social discomfort.

She gets upset when we cook dinner and don't invite her. She expects to be included, but simultaneously never makes any effort to include us in anything she does, or invite us to anything she does for that matter.

She expects us to approach her and treat her kindly, however her guard is up constantly. When I hang out with her one on one she's pretty funny, and pretty cool.

Girl just needs to let her guard down. Its unconsciously reciprocated by everyone when its up.

Looking at some ENFJ's I know, they actually, very persistently, talk to me in a way that they look harmless and try to open up, which I appreciate. However most personalities don't have this kind of patience, so we end up just hating most people for not trying, never truly understanding how we're doing it to ourselves. This self fulfilling rejection is the main cause of my, and several other 8's I know's, anger issues.

I also used to punch my brother when he wouldn't play board games with me, glare into my father's eyes with pure hatred when he would make his stupid estj declarations of my character. There are many times I'd have loved to sock him in the jaw.

Most of my anger issues were caused by rejection and being misunderstood.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

People don't really wake the beast in me, IRL.

Happens much more frequently here.

I've only gotten really really angry, like stay away from me angry, a maybe two times in the last 5 or 6 six years IRL.

 

[Azure Flame]

People don't really wake the beast in me, IRL.

Happens much more frequently here.

I've only gotten really really angry, like stay away from me angry, a maybe two times in the last 5 or 6 six years IRL.

Same. I've gone full out warcry shouting at people probably twice in my life. It happens a lot online though.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

To quote Fight Club:

"I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke."

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

This company in Atlanta I've had to deal with at work, has been driving me up the damn wall.

Too much more of this bullshit and I will be firmly in punching a hole in a door territory.

 

[Azure Flame]

I'm getting pissed at all the people who pretend they're IEI so they can join my facebook group and hit on me, then get belligerent when I suggest they're not IEI.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME

 

[tanstaafl28]

I am married to an 8, and I have it in my tritype. I think the big concern for an 8 is maintaining control. The more their ability to control things in their lives is thwarted, the greater their level of frustration grows. They will even try to control that frustration too, but sooner or later, something will push them over the edge and they will go off.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I am married to an 8, and I have it in my tritype. I think the big concern for an 8 is maintaining control. The more their ability to control things in their lives is thwarted, the greater their level of frustration grows. They will even try to control that frustration too, but sooner or later, something will push them over the edge and they will go off.

Quite accurate.

 

[King Temur]

One of the fundamental concerns of the Gut Triad is how the individual relates to their anger: type 8s express anger, type 9s avoid anger, and type 1s suppress anger. In both the Gut Triad and the Enneagram itself, 8s are the most at home with anger. As an 8, I have no qualms with letting someone know when they've pissed me off, and frankly find the experience of being angry cathartic. I have friends who also type as 8s who say that they generally feel some residual level of anger. For us, being angry is just something of a natural state.

That said, I'm beginning to wonder if it's healthy for me to take my anger for granted in the way that I do. The person I'm seeing now believes that I have an "anger problem", and that I ought to seek help for it. I'm not sure what constitutes a "problem", however. While I certainly have a temper, I have never been violent, and have never been one to stay angry about anything for too long. I'm debating whether I should listen to my SO and find a way to "manage my anger", or just find someone else who can deal with me on my own terms. I've always felt the anger that I feel is less about hostility and more about my inner fire--my personal sense of ambition, strength, and resiliance.

My question to other 8s is have you ever attempted to manage your anger? What prompted you to do so, and what were the results? To non-8s (and specifically those who are close to an 8): do you perceive the relationship of 8s to their anger to be unhealthy? To all: how do you define a healthy relationship with anger?

I just wanted to say I really enjoyed the way you phrased this thread and the questions you ask.

Sometimes when I get angry at certain people, in the long run, I end up feeling sort of bad about it, but I'll never think so in the moment. I think in the long run, letting anger run free is a bad thing, and one should learn how to better channel their anger. For the most part, I am not a very angry person at all. But in the times that I do get angry, people around me are very intimidated by what comes out, and they've often told me I need to fix or change myself. I'm probably not much older than you, if at all, but from my experience and sight, do you really think you can tie down your anger, if you are a type 8?

I couldn't imagine doing so.

That is why those around me have learned to circumnavigate.

 

[ceecee]

The more their ability to control things in their lives is thwarted, the greater their level of frustration grows.

 

[rav3n]

Can't say I get angry a lot where I don't ever yell or shout. Even the sound level doesn't rise that greatly but I do express my anger with an inside voice that can be quite cutting. Then, once expressed, it's over. But I do tend to ask myself why I'm angry and if it's not worth being angry about, deconstruct it and let it go.

In all my relationships, there's barely been any fighting. I'm not someone who holds resentment, loving and stroking it. A waste of time and effort.

 

[hornet]

I recognize the control aspect and rising frustration if not.
But I usually zone a lot of that frustration out over videogames due to my 9.
I've been working a bit on trying to accept the anger and ride with it more 8ish.
Since then I usually get more stuff done.
I have allready low Te so my ability to get things going is a bit weak, any improvement on this is a good improvement.

 

[chubber]

Can't say I get angry a lot where I don't ever yell or shout. Even the sound level doesn't rise that greatly but I do express my anger with an inside voice that can be quite cutting. Then, once expressed, it's over. But I do tend to ask myself why I'm angry and if it's not worth being angry about, deconstruct it and let it go.

In all my relationships, there's barely been any fighting. I'm not someone who holds resentment, loving and stroking it. A waste of time and effort.

will you marry me?

 

[Azure Flame]

I have more to add:

I've screamed at people only 3 or 4 times in my life that I can remember.

I'm very intense when I'm feeling mobilized, and a lot of people interpret this as anger when it isn't. I find that when I am most enthusiastic, people think I am "insane," which is odd to me. However I DO get angry when I'm feeling rejected as a result of acting as my normal self /estp problems. When I have to censor myself I get mad, when I have to... quiet... down... I WILL REBOUND WITH FULL FORCE! I like the idea that I'm a walking supernova with humanity hidden somewhere within the fireball, kinda like this:

Depending how much energy I have determines the size of the cloud surrounding me. Some days I'm pretty muted, other days I'm in full bloom. Could be my Sx/So at work, the "bleeding emotions."

Extroverted sensing in general has a sort of force field effect, you can kinda feel it pressing against you. "Volitional Force." ESFP's have a lot of it too. See dulph lundgren.

I suppose this COULD be anger, some kind of unconscious manifestation. I recently had to speak on camera, and my ENFJ friend kept telling me to "calm down, no more military." he was referring to the fact that I talk very directly at the camera and I talk fast and forcefully, and apparently I was talking too loud for the camera's microphone. In order to fix this problem I had to scream and curse to get all the energy out, and doing this would only last for about 3 minutes before I started talking really fast and intense again, haha. I might have had a mountain dew that day, not sure. ugh... I feel like most people will not allow me to DO things because peoples pants get up in a bunch when I do. When I get really enthusiastic, people start acting like an asteroid is about to collide with the earth. I don't get it, lol.