Do you, as a 4, withdraw?
Yes.
How do you behave when you withdraw?
It's hard to distinguish this from my everyday quiet nature & need for space/alone time to just think. It's more of a conscious resistance to interacting, even if people are around. I will also deliberately isolate myself. In a visible sense, I may choose a seat or place to stand that is removed from others, withhold info about myself, and just plain not show up. I also will appear & sound more dead emotionally. This is when people accuse me of being cold & unfeeling, appearing apathetic & unmoved.
What does it even mean to withdraw?
You pull yourself inward. You increasingly look blank & disengaged, even if there in body. You don't reach out to people & you resist being affected by them.
What causes you to withdraw?
For me, it's anything overwhelming, from someone else's emotions to my own. Also, any sense of rejection, or feeling like I'm not directly wanted or noticed at all (which feels like rejection). I'll feel humiliation if I put myself out there (which looks more like a peeking of my head out to others) and I don't get a positive reception or feel an even reciprocation.
I'm quite sure a part of me wants someone to come after me, to inquire as to why I've pulled away & assure me of my value. Another part of me finds the very idea gross; I rationally see it as immature & silly. It's not even something I was aware of in myself until recent years. I often engaged in this behavior without experiencing it as anything other than a distaste for interaction that feels draining. I will basically "test" people; if I pull away, do you care enough to reach out to me to bring me back? But I mostly experience it as "these people don't really care for me, and I have no use for them, so I will do them a favor and stay away". Interaction feels draining because I feel I have nothing to give & nothing to gain, and so it's stressful to muster anything at all.
I also feel grossed out by my own need. I don't want to need, because I don't want to be a burden in the same way I don't want to be burdened. It's easier not to need when you keep people at arm's length and you accustom yourself to solitude, and surviving in that state is a sign you don't need, a strange comfort.
The other thing is a major dissatisfaction with life & yourself and a feeling of helplessness to change it. This becomes so intolerable that I'd rather live in a fantasy, which is easier to do when people around you aren't constantly pulling you back into reality.
I tend to keep my emotions to myself and live in a more withdrawn state in general, rather than it being something I do now and then. As an introvert I do withdraw when having been around people too much but it's not really the same thing. I usually don't have to sort out my emotions because I have a pretty good read on them. If I do it's typically more of a dispassionate, intellectual analysis, just like reflecting on something that happened to you earlier in the day.
I can relate to the part about having a good read on my emotions. I also don't have to figure out what an emotion is or what it's telling me, but I will take time to scrutinize its validity.
Although, I can't say I am as dispassionate when ruminating on them alone. I can tend to take things to an extreme in my imagination just to explore an outcome and really weigh the validity of an emotion. I amplify first, to get the full experience, squeeze all the juice out. I want to know: how damaging is this, really? Or is this a constructive, enlightening response? Even damaging emotions bring to light things about myself & human nature... then I have to grapple with those.
An INFP label suits me well here - "harmonizer-clarifier". I tend to seek to bring my emotions into alignment with my rational values - harmonizing them, so that I can feel correctly emotionally. Or, I may reconsider & refine my rational values if an emotion is reoccurring, because I'll take it as a serious signal that something is not right - clarifying what's important. As I anayze, emotions begin to dissipate. I can also agree with [MENTION=14363]Standuble[/MENTION] that this can be something like a "cooling off" process too.
When I was young, I'd purposely read or listen to or watch things that would upset me, just to see what it felt like, and I sort of enjoyed a process of determining why people are affected in certain ways, what that indicated about human nature & needs, and what is the ideal alternative. This process is messy though, and I think as a 4 you romanticize it to the point of enjoying the chaos as much as reaching any conclusion, perhaps because you feel "alive" in knowing every nook and cranny of the human condition. The amplifying part is something I have to fight not getting sucked into, and as I'm mortified by being detected as melodramatic (unless couched as tongue-in-cheek), I will avoid people until I feel contained enough.
I will admit to being moody....and I may withdraw when in a bad mood so as not to inflict it on others. General moodiness is just kind of a general discouragement I have about a less than ideal world and my less than ideal self. I suppose there is a re-grouping going on. It's almost the emotional equivalent to resting the body. If I can shut down a bit and detach, then I will be refreshed to deal with all the emotional input I will get again when I emerge. If I'm overwhelmed, I may do this also. It's a way to conserve energy. Getting lured by the fantasy siren is a problem though; it feels like a solution, but it's not.
