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[Type 4] I'm a really special 4w5; I don't want to be special.

Tiltyred

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This irks me no end, this emphasis on wanting to be unique, different, and special. I don't want that. I would like to fit in! Other people tell me I am unique, different and special. Or, as they say on the playground, WEIRD. Any other 4s like this, or I am just unique in this ... oh wait a minute ... oh damn, srsly? ... reality check: am I unique because I don't want to be unique? bwahaha, what a Special Snowflake, quel rich irony.

No, seriously. Anyone?
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Nope. As much as I wanna fit in at times, as its is tiring to go against the grain, I secretly still wanna be speeshulll. I guess you are a speshul little snowflake after all. :dry: *is green with envy*
 

chickpea

perfect person
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i think i'm ambivalent about it. i don't want to be like most people, but i think sometimes that it's just a self defense measure because i'd have too hard of a time fitting in if i tried. i do try sometimes, and i can fake it a little bit, but after a while it's inevitable people are going to think i'm weird so i might as well embrace it? deep down i don't really want to be normal, but i am jealous of it a lot of the time and think that life would be a lot simpler.
 

Phoenix

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Couple of explanations:

1. My guess is that you're strategizing as per your 9 at this point. 9's are an attachment type and separation is one of their fears. You're bound to want to feel connected because of that. 9's don't want to feel like outsiders. [Or at least that's my understanding of it]

2. It's part of your instinct stacking as per this description:

When Fours of this subtype are healthy, they find that they can form relationships without feeling as though they are sacrificing authenticity. They no longer feel that they have to automatically define themselves as "different from others," as outside the group. They are able to see the ways in which their emotionality might cloud their better judgment and to use that insight to establish equilibrium.
 

Wolfie

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I am a non-conformist to the point of self-detriment. In some ways it's stubbornness. I am naturally disinclined to do/like what others do/like. I would say I consider myself very unique and special. (internally scolds self while admitting that) I have been trying over the years to train myself away from that kind of thinking, because probably I am not actually all that different. I yearn to be more like others, while simultaneously detesting others. As [MENTION=7991]chana[/MENTION] said, I think in some ways it is a defense mechanism, because I know I can't(or won't) be like others, I try to take pride in feeling different instead.
 

Tiltyred

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Couple of explanations:

1. My guess is that you're strategizing as per your 9 at this point. 9's are an attachment type and separation is one of their fears. You're bound to want to feel connected because of that. 9's don't want to feel like outsiders. [Or at least that's my understanding of it]

2. It's part of your instinct stacking as per this description:

Ah, thank you. I really like this. I don't go into anything thinking I'm special or different. I hope to blend in and be a functioning member of the group. (That sounds like Borg, but anyway.) It's other people who tell me I'm special or different. I don't like to hear it, actually. So all this mystifies me about us wanting to be special. I associate it more with the 3 wing but I know my enneagram is right. So thanks for fitting this piece into place for me.
 

Burger King

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Sep 25, 2011
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The uniqueness aspect attached to type 4 is overrated and annoys me. It's like ascribing achievement solely to type 3. It's just some shallow buzzword and misses the point completely.

I might come back to expand, or I might go outside to kick rocks. Decisions decisions...
 

Tiltyred

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Oh, please expand. Because it really bugs me.
 

zelo1954

ISFJophile
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This irks me no end, this emphasis on wanting to be unique, different, and special. I don't want that. I would like to fit in! Other people tell me I am unique, different and special.

The concept of "fitting in" can be applied to any number of facets of your life. Each and every facet is a different decision as to whether you wish to fit in or not. Try not to think of it as one broad brush fits all. In my case I'd like to fit in socially and be unique in other ways such as intellectually. I'd like to fit in when I have to work as part of a team but if I have a job to do on my own I'd prefer it if my boss simply left me to do it my way.
 

Tiltyred

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"Unique" just doesn't make sense to me as something to emphasize about one's self. We're all unique. Which means no one is. To strive to be unique seems like striving to breathe. If you're alive, you're unique, since nobody else is you ... it just doesn't mean anything to me.
 

Wolfie

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I think sometimes it is just feeling socially unique, which is possible. We're all not socially unique.
 

Tiltyred

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What does that mean, "socially unique"?
 

FireShield98

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I don't necessarily want to fit in, but I don't want to be seen by others as "unique" either. I want to be different from other people (and I feel that I am different), but I want to be seen by others as just an average, ordinary person.

I am a non-conformist to the point of self-detriment. In some ways it's stubbornness. I am naturally disinclined to do/like what others do/like. I would say I consider myself very unique and special. (internally scolds self while admitting that) I have been trying over the years to train myself away from that kind of thinking, because probably I am not actually all that different. I yearn to be more like others, while simultaneously detesting others. As [MENTION=7991]chana[/MENTION] said, I think in some ways it is a defense mechanism, because I know I can't(or won't) be like others, I try to take pride in feeling different instead.

Same here (for the most part).
 

Capricorn Moon

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I have similar ''problem''. People often say i am weird, strange, unique... However, i got use to it and accept it like normal thing. You shouldn't worry much. Everybody has their own perception and view, and there is no deffinition of unique, weird, normal... It's all individual...Every human being is special and unique, but not all people are ready to show their true nature, because sometimes it can cause trouble and difficult times.
Be yourself and live your true nature. In today's world, it's easier to accept norms and rules someone else created, if you do something different, people can see it as strange or uncommon. Accepting official social norms is okay if they match your own-if you have them. The problem comes when you can't escape from yourself and have some your own norms, and accepting comformism can mean loosing yourself and breaking your own moral and rules.
 

Southern Kross

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This irks me no end, this emphasis on wanting to be unique, different, and special. I don't want that. I would like to fit in! Other people tell me I am unique, different and special. Or, as they say on the playground, WEIRD. Any other 4s like this, or I am just unique in this ... oh wait a minute ... oh damn, srsly? ... reality check: am I unique because I don't want to be unique? bwahaha, what a Special Snowflake, quel rich irony.

No, seriously. Anyone?
"Unique" just doesn't make sense to me as something to emphasize about one's self. We're all unique. Which means no one is. To strive to be unique seems like striving to breathe. If you're alive, you're unique, since nobody else is you ... it just doesn't mean anything to me.
Either you're not a 4, or you're a Social-first 4 (perhaps in a bit of denial ;) ). Even then I would find it a little difficult to believe a 4 would not feel that need at all. I'm a 4w5 so/sp and I feel more of a push/pull effect - I want both to fit in and be special.

But yeah, if you like you could look up some Social 4 descriptions - it's driven by a sense of shame about feeling different.

Can I ask what on earth makes you think you're a 4, if you don't care at all about "uniqueness"? I don't want to sound flippant; it's just a little bizarre. :D That second post in particular is very un-4-like. I mean essentially what you're saying is true, but deep down inside, I can't help but unconsciously resist accepting that fact, if that makes sense. And I think that sort of mindset is central to the 4 enneatype.
 

Z Buck McFate

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"Unique" just doesn't make sense to me as something to emphasize about one's self. We're all unique. Which means no one is. To strive to be unique seems like striving to breathe. If you're alive, you're unique, since nobody else is you ... it just doesn't mean anything to me.

You might just have a really strong 5 wing, or may even be 5 instead. It’s more a 5 thing to actually feel like an alien, like there’s an ‘uniqueness’ (or a feeling of being different) that’s already there and there’s even a preoccupation of compensating for it rather than striving for it.

At any rate, I totally relate to the quoted text above. Sometimes too I wonder if being least so variant exacerbates it, like my underlying drive to fit into a bigger group is so atrophied that- while I don't mind the immediate consequences- a long term consequence (I think) is generally feeling even more like a fish out of water than I already do.
 

Tiltyred

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You might just have a really strong 5 wing, or may even be 5 instead. It’s more a 5 thing to actually feel like an alien, like there’s an ‘uniqueness’ (or a feeling of being different) that’s already there and there’s even a preoccupation of compensating for it rather than striving for it.

At any rate, I totally relate to the quoted text above. Sometimes too I wonder if being least so variant exacerbates it, like my underlying drive to fit into a bigger group is so atrophied that- while I don't mind the immediate consequences- a long term consequence (I think) is generally feeling even more like a fish out of water than I already do.

I'm sure I'm a 4, but my 5 wing is very strong, so that makes sense. Thanks.
 

Lady_X

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Either you're not a 4, or you're a Social-first 4 (perhaps in a bit of denial ;) ). Even then I would find it a little difficult to believe a 4 would not feel that need at all. I'm a 4w5 so/sp and I feel more of a push/pull effect - I want both to fit in and be special.

But yeah, if you like you could look up some Social 4 descriptions - it's driven by a sense of shame about feeling different.

Can I ask what on earth makes you think you're a 4, if you don't care at all about "uniqueness"? I don't want to sound flippant; it's just a little bizarre. :D That second post in particular is very un-4-like. I mean essentially what you're saying is true, but deep down inside, I can't help but unconsciously resist accepting that fact, if that makes sense. And I think that sort of mindset is central to the 4 enneatype.

my infp bf is a type 4 so first and i don't think he wants to be unique. same push/pull thing there. like being hyper aware of where he is in relation to other people. feeling he doesn't measure up in this way or that.

i don't get it...i tell him why do do you care?? if you valued such n such you'd likely be such n such way...so...you don't really want to be that way...it's a whole weird twisty mindfuck thing that seems ridiculously frustrating to be concerned about.
 

CuriousFeeling

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Could also be some Fe involved here as well, wanting said uniqueness to be accepted by the group. I already feel somehow outside of the circle, but I desire to have the unusual traits and interests embraced by the group. But at the same time, I recognize that everyone is unique in their own way, so it isn't just me.

Maybe it is a strong 5-wing....
 
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