how do you keep going? not trying to sound depressing but I don't seem to appreciate around me. I find life difficult to live. How did you get pass this? What motivates you now?
self development.
study neuroscience, psychology, anything, everything, combine them all, apply them as explanations for why your internal world works the way it does.
repeat, learn to study unknown by using your constructed world view, discover amazing feats of scientific understanding to explain your abilities. understand said abilities with scientific understanding even better, maximize them just for the sake of maximizing them, knowing nothing really makes you any different even if by this way, you might become the most talented at whatever it is you love. and if that what you love is talent itself, then good.. thats something universal from our perspective, everything is an art. happiness can be constructed like science.
also realize the source of your serotonin (aka happiness mood chemical), and find a perfect balance between variating from being happy and depressed, as without both you can have neither as whole.
with one, four and 7 as my triads.. mental stimulation being the only source of happiness is overbearing, i switched one to nine. i still wonder which is my natural, however, now it shall be nine until ive further studied them and how much ive variated between them in my past. i can say for certain, times when i used 9w1 as bodily motivation were certainly much more feely times for me, as one depends on control, to simply force yourself to feel which is.. rather forced, and all of 1,4,7 in triad is known for being the most frustrated of all triads, due attempting to reach the impossible.
i accept my happiness is nothing but chemicals in brain which i evoke by controlling my motivation, enneagram theory does have basis in reality.
the perfect happiness is ability to control said chemicals by self understanding, to find the perfect balance and to understand how you can perfect each section dominant function.
check this if your interested:
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/articles/NArtTina.asp
with nine as my bodily motive currently, it gives me more courage to feel as i can easily variate between negative and positive as i see fit, without being overwhelmed or .. having to do it with forced will, which isnt that enjoyable.
so.. yes, how to keep going? acknowledge what you really are, material.
luckily, you have control over said material, providing you have the _manual_ for controlling it, the knowledge of chemicals and how with use of them, even nihilist can beat optimist. im kind of realistic optimist, if that makes sense.
and i did realize how impossible it is to manipulate your PoV into positive one without manipulating your motivations as they are directly linked to the PoV.
i might love imagination for the wonderful feelings it arises, only those feelings are absent if im frustrated. not to mentione the lack of motivation to do said imagination if it doesnt feel as good as it should.
first i learned not to appreciate life, that taught me what a machine i am, a machine, which is powered by serotonin. and norepinephrine. well, it was necessary to stop me from being dominated by my 7w6.. (which caused me to literally believe im happy as i were super active and everything, only it was all an illusion.)
it really just doesnt matter how you view life. your PoV is only a side effect caused by these chemicals. even my optimistic belief of no moment being any different from one another, acceptance of death as everyday event in small scale in my brains, and just the indifference between life and death which allows me to see every moment in life indifferent to any other moment as i mentioned, is something very positive. in the sense, as it gives the choose to enjoy it all or enjoy none mentality, and i stick on enjoying. but low seratonin, no matter what, just drains all life force making me constantly sleepy as i would avoid negative feelings when i poses no control over them. (cause i cant enjoy them if i dont feel secure doing so, as lacking control would overwhelm me with too many and none of it making any sense, losing rational grip entirely.)
life is a slavery, and its quite a fun activity to figure out what your masters are. as it is, the only way to actually gain more control over your slavery.
