[Type 4] Sexual 4 issues...

[Richardsen]

Hi!!
I finally concluded that I am a Sx 4
For many reasons, and the main reason are my extreme emotions...
I was reluctant to be Sx because I often see a inclination in the people to type themselves SXs because all of the intensity and sexual stuff. I wanted to know myself, not to choose the "coolest" type for me because I find it completely stupid...
(btw Im not refering to anyone in particular, only generally)

Well... I always felt a inferiority complex, a contradiction between go for what I want and a self loathing attitude that paralyzes me very much...
When I was a child I was extremely withdrawn and shy ( yeah... somewhat bullied). I had no control of my anger too.
This led me a malice between me and the external world.
I always felt attracted to conflictive situations, to extreme emotions, to shake my life a bit. I've done it very much but believe me... I end very exhausted at the end maybe because of my 5 wing and my guilt.
I don't consider myself a borderline, only tormented. This fits very well in a movie or a novel, but in the REAL life it's not funny or inspiring to me at all (Well maybe a little sometimes).
When I was in a relationship, all of my passion and love hunger turned into her. I wanted to absorb her, I wanted to be the only and most important person to her, and always I ended up dissapointed and very upset with her. Im not exagerating when I tell that in those times my mood depended completely in my relationship with her. (This may sound completely unhealthy, but maybe another Sx 4 would understand this attitude). When she broke up with me, after 8 months I fell into a depression, kicked out from my school, isolate myself and blabalablbabalba (I was 13 btw).
And to finalize... I smoke over 20 cigarrettes per day because of my anxiety problems

I want to share this with another Sx 4 or see if someone shares this FxCKING feelings of an average - unhealthy 4-INFP.

BYE!!!

 

[Anew Leaf]

Hi!!
I finally concluded that I am a Sx 4
For many reasons, and the main reason are my extreme emotions...
I was reluctant to be Sx because I often see a inclination in the people to type themselves SXs because all of the intensity and sexual stuff. I wanted to know myself, not to choose the "coolest" type for me because I find it completely stupid...
(btw Im not refering to anyone in particular, only generally)

Well... I always felt a inferiority complex, a contradiction between go for what I want and a self loathing attitude that paralyzes me very much...
When I was a child I was extremely withdrawn and shy ( yeah... somewhat bullied). I had no control of my anger too.
This led me a malice between me and the external world.
I always felt attracted to conflictive situations, to extreme emotions, to shake my life a bit. I've done it very much but believe me... I end very exhausted at the end maybe because of my 5 wing and my guilt.
I don't consider myself a borderline, only tormented. This fits very well in a movie or a novel, but in the REAL life it's not funny or inspiring to me at all (Well maybe a little sometimes).
When I was in a relationship, all of my passion and love hunger turned into her. I wanted to absorb her, I wanted to be the only and most important person to her, and always I ended up dissapointed and very upset with her. Im not exagerating when I tell that in those times my mood depended completely in my relationship with her. (This may sound completely unhealthy, but maybe another Sx 4 would understand this attitude). When she broke up with me, after 8 months I fell into a depression, kicked out from my school, isolate myself and blabalablbabalba (I was 13 btw).
And to finalize... I smoke over 20 cigarrettes per day because of my anxiety problems

I want to share this with another Sx 4 or see if someone shares this FxCKING feelings of an average - unhealthy 4-INFP.

BYE!!!

Well, the fact that you were 13 when this occurred says a lot right there. Teenage hormones are flying high and all over the place like nuns on the way to a baptism.

I am an INFP 4w5 SX/SP and I can understand what you are saying, and I have been there when I was younger... but currently I am not that way. I am not sure how old you are now but I am 33 so I am sure I have a few years or a decade on you.

Btw, smoking actually encourages more anxiety. I would recommend on a variety of levels that you give that up.

 

[chickpea]

i totally relate. i can go long stretches without being romantically involved with anyone, usually just pining after whoever i was with last. but then i'll find someone new and they become the center of my world so fast. i took my last breakup so hard, i felt like i was dead inside and didn't eat anything for days. i smoke cigarettes too, and other drugs either to distract myself from bad thoughts and numb myself or to make the good more intense. and i get myself into a lot of dangerous situations because i get a high from taking risks.

 

[Santosha]

I do! (I am ENFP 4w3 SX) and could have written much of your post myself. I believe that I am not the healthiest 4 either. ;( But a few things that I have come to understand about 4's and growth are as follows:

1) 4's tend to create their self identity through inward fantasy and idealization, so often the self identity is not really an accurate portrayal of themselves. If anyone comes along that challenges this self constructed identity, the 4 drops them like a hot tato. The more unhealthy (or broken with reality) the 4 becomes, the less people they allow into their life, only preferring those that support the constructed identity. I think the romantic scenario you mention happens to many of us - because part of our constructed self image is so romantic and passionate that we find our partners best upholding this aspect of ourselves. They are usually the last to get dropped. Point being, you know your in a danger zone when you have 1 to 3 people you interact with.

2) You will naturally want to go inwards to understand your self, digging into as much personality-self actualization systems as possible. But I think 4's (and some degree 5's) might be the only ones in the e-gram that DONT need to do this, a whole lot atleast. If you spend all your time looking inside yourself to know who you are, you never become who you are because you experience little in the real world. 4's must get outside of themselves and their self consciousness to actualize.

3) One of the biggest keys to 4's growth is learning to love other people. I know, it seems so obvious for anyone, but this is especially true for the 4. When the 4 can leave their self absorbption and internal fantasy to love a real person, in the real world, it is helping to construct their real identity. The more people you can love, the stronger you are. Once the 4 understands how to love others, they begin to realize that they must have learned this to some degree, from somewhere. And then they realize that perhaps the love they did receive as children (which never seems to be enough for the 4) was infact enough for them to get through life, they are not as broken as they see themselves, and they do have what they need to be creative, successful, loving beings.

Anyhow, I think the fact that anyone wants to self actualize, grow and improve, is one of the biggest hurdles to get over. So atleast you've got that going for ya. Alot of people really don't.

 

[VagrantFarce]

3) One of the biggest keys to 4's growth is learning to love other people. I know, it seems so obvious for anyone, but this is especially true for the 4. When the 4 can leave their self absorbption and internal fantasy to love a real person, in the real world, it is helping to construct their real identity. The more people you can love, the stronger you are. Once the 4 understands how to love others, they begin to realize that they must have learned this to some degree, from somewhere. And then they realize that perhaps the love they did receive as children (which never seems to be enough for the 4) was infact enough for them to get through life, they are not as broken as they see themselves, and they do have what they need to be creative, successful, loving beings.

Y'know, I think this can be applied to anyone - learn to love yourself and you end up having enough for everyone.

Not to undermine what you're saying.

 

[Richardsen]

totally right Huxley...
In a certain point I think that is useless all this personality theories without action. Especially for 4s . And yeah... For the 4s the best thing that they can do for themselves is to forget all their self absortion, introspection and personality theories and throw themselves to live. Its difficult but posible...

chana: I didn't experienced too much with drugs beside weed and alcohol. I don't think that is a problem. Intense experience and emotions are another thing, I sometimes get depresed or frustrated if I don't get them.
I'm 18 btw...

 

[skylights]

When I was in a relationship, all of my passion and love hunger turned into her. I wanted to absorb her, I wanted to be the only and most important person to her, and always I ended up dissapointed and very upset with her. Im not exagerating when I tell that in those times my mood depended completely in my relationship with her. (This may sound completely unhealthy, but maybe another Sx 4 would understand this attitude).

i am not even a 4 and i relate to this. i feel like maintaining a positive state in my closest relationship ends up being a more pressing need than hunger or thirst pretty much all the time. i can't attend to anything else until that's okay.

 

[Richardsen]

I've noted there is a lot of "competence" too in Sx 4. Not the 3ish competence in a pragmatic mode.
Is more of an "fantasy" competence between me and my loved ones moslty.
I cannot tolerate the happines in my mates when Im down and (I know that this is unhealthy) I whished that I can bring them down at the same level as me.
Especially with a sp/sx ex . I wanted the whole attention that she could had for the world for me and only me. And the constant comparision between me and her in my mind.
Then I was a foolish emo-teen, and right now it's not that sick.... (holy mothrfuckr maturity)

Well... Thanks for the replys
Bye

 

[Crescent Fresh]

I do! (I am ENFP 4w3 SX) and could have written much of your post myself. I believe that I am not the healthiest 4 either. ;( But a few things that I have come to understand about 4's and growth are as follows:

1) 4's tend to create their self identity through inward fantasy and idealization, so often the self identity is not really an accurate portrayal of themselves. If anyone comes along that challenges this self constructed identity, the 4 drops them like a hot tato. The more unhealthy (or broken with reality) the 4 becomes, the less people they allow into their life, only preferring those that support the constructed identity. I think the romantic scenario you mention happens to many of us - because part of our constructed self image is so romantic and passionate that we find our partners best upholding this aspect of ourselves. They are usually the last to get dropped. Point being, you know your in a danger zone when you have 1 to 3 people you interact with.

+10.

This, I can feel strongly related to.

For me, being a 4/3 sx/so, I also considered myself as hopeless romantic and it's very important for me to project this intense image and invest to the right person. I think that's probably why we don't easily let too many people in, and those who let them in closely to us, we often end up throwing our life to them--to a point that we aren't thinking much of ourselves for the benefit of idealization of a perfect romance.

But whatever Hurley said is true, and I see it as great advice too.

 

[brainheart]

I'm a social variant four and I relate to most of this too. I have been completely obsessed by relationships. I have taken poor care of myself. I've kicked people out of my life who didn't support my identity. But I've also had pretty normal relationships, too, etc.

I think the sexual variant four tends to be way more competitive and really show the envy at a more heightened level. They can feel serious hate for someone who has achieved what they have not. They have this energy to accomplish. My envy, more than anything, makes me feel ashamed about how I haven't lived up to my expectations or potential. I'm envious, but I also still like the person, idolize them, really. Want to befriend them and maybe have them help me.