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  1. #11
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    5w4 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    Was the joke off the mark?
    I’m generally not emotive around others but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I’m die-hard loyal to friends and thoroughly concerned with being respectful (albeit in my own rough-around-the-edges kind of way), and it’s actually a big part of my identity. So even though I’ll joke around with people about my low tolerance for drama or emotional displays- if someone makes a joke about me not having a heart, I’m going to feel like that person doesn’t ‘get’ me or what’s important to me at all.

    And what’s kind of funny is that I wrote this^ before reading the other responses.

    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    I look at all these threads you make, and I can't help but think: stop looking at him through the enneagram and treat him as a human being.
    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    If you want to use the enneagram for anything, I suggest working on taking off your mask. If you want him to like you, and it's your "mask" that annoys him, why not work on that? That's what the enneagram is for.
    +1 And though I realize giving advice on ‘how to deal with an e5’ by saying not to rely on the enneagram to figure him out is somewhat contradictory- this^ is well said* and it’s what occurs to me when I see these threads of yours. If it seemed like someone was putting more effort into understanding me than they were putting into understanding themselves, it would make me feel incredibly uneasy. I think any e5 (or anyone of any enneatype for that matter) who has a good handle on understanding what makes others tick got there by looking at themselves first.

    *edit: I don't mean to imply it sounds like VF's advice is aimed at dealing with e5s, in fact my guess is that he meant for it to apply towards dealing with anyone. The supposition that e5s might be particularly sensitive was my own (whether he also meant that or not).
    Last edited by Z Buck McFate; 08-29-2011 at 08:37 PM.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  2. #12
    Member Affably Evil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010


    Not only does that joke have the veiled criticism that your friend does not have feelings, but if it is untrue then there is an undercurrent of demand that he act more vulnerable and emotive around you. Fives, I think, are highly aware of attempts at emotional manipulation like that and are highly resistant to them — pushing on our boundaries doesn't make us want to open up to you. At least for me, the more someone pressures me to open up to them the less I'm interested in doing so.

    We can be a very guarded type because there's a fear that we don't have enough to emotionally offer someone to sustain them and have enough left over to support ourselves, particularly with people who are more needy — but guarded doesn't mean "has no feelings." A side "jokey" comment like strikes me as very passive aggressive, and if someone said that to me I'd probably think that this person a) doesn't know me at all, b) isn't content in respecting my emotional boundaries and c) worse, is trying to indirectly tell me that what I'm offering in my friendship with them isn't enough for them. And if these are true, why would I want to invest more of my time and energy in that relationship? It turns into a relational black hole.
    5w4 sx/sp

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2011

    Default 5 and humour

    okay - thanks for all the comments. I'll defintely apologize to him when I next see him.

    Just wanted to add though that he himself isn't cautious or overly sensitive when commenting on certain things about me. Okay he might not insult me or diliberately point out my weaknesses in order to hurt me but he is direct and straight to the point.

    Not only that but he made it clear that he knows exactly who I am and what's going on inside my head (deep into my brain) - I could also take this personally as this fact is rather discomforting - but I don't.

    I can imagine him looking down upon my emotionalism even though he doesn't say it out openly. The joke I made wasn't meant hurtfully. Of course I know that he has feelings. Nevertheless, I will apologize.

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