[Type 5] 5's and being possessive

[Mal12345]

5s need help, constantly. I've known a few 5s that are aalllways asking me or their friends for favors. Pretty soon I'm doing 15 different things for them before I stop and ask myself wtf is going on.

Am I going to have to re-think my type here? I don't think so. The type 5, which is a classic introvert, does not like to ask for help. I know it took me decades to get used to the idea. Are 5's possessive. They probably don't like to throw things away, perhaps to the extent of hoarding "treasures." But if you mean "possessive" of the opposite sex, I don't think so. What does that mean anyway? An example would be very helpful.

 

[Seymour]

Am I going to have to re-think my type here? I don't think so. The type 5, which is a classic introvert, does not like to ask for help. I know it took me decades to get used to the idea. Are 5's possessive. They probably don't like to throw things away, perhaps to the extent of hoarding "treasures." But if you mean "possessive" of the opposite sex, I don't think so. What does that mean anyway? An example would be very helpful.

I second this. In fact, the fives on the five panel at the enneagram workshop I attended talked about their relative inability to ask for help... and how hard it was to admit they needed help and didn't have all they needed. Fives want to be self-sufficient and "have enough" on their own. That's one reason knowledge and understanding is so important... it not only helps one deal with the outside world, but is also an internal resource that can't easily be taken away.

Depending on others is scary—fives tend to see the outside world as undependable and that includes other people. Plus, relationships are two way, and the person you ask for help today may be asking you for help tomorrow.

I'd also guess (although I'm less sure of) that fives wouldn't be particularly possessive. It seems like relationship issues with fives revolve more about difficulties with trust, intimacy and staying engaged.

 

[the state i am in]

5s are possessive in terms of their intense fear of losing what they have. they often have boundary issues and have difficulty cleanly asserting themselves and making decisions because they like to work in the opposite direction and instead build more context and more understanding than simplify and restrict (some of these might be inflected by my perspective as an infj). i'm sure sx/sp types are worse because they rely on their partner far more heavily than other types would. they need that connection to ground them. i also imagine many many 5s are somewhat less skilled in relationships and relationship maintenance than many other types.

i know i've been very possessive in relationships. i didn't feel like i knew how to control the world around me but at the same time i was terrified of being overwhelmed emotionally with feelings i did not know how to process. 5s are the worst the absolute worst at letting go. this is the hoarding. keep for fear of running out and being left incapable and unequipped to handle the world which can when highly stressed start to look very threatening (hence the schizoid tendencies). the weird trick about all of this is that being grateful for what you have gives you more resources and allows you to let go of more. you don't need to feel guilty for being entitled and taking and going back and forth on the engulfed/abandoned pendulum and instead start to realize that you can handle feeling shit. as a 5w4, the tendency is to move toward threats in thought and move away from shame in feeling. so feeling tends to ignite pretty quickly before we actually absorb it and allow it to register and sit with it which would be necessary to truly process and learn from it. gratitude and emotional grounding helps slow down the little tornado, and provides a nice anchor to slowly start coming back down into the body.

 

[Haven]

yeaaa maybe the 5s I'm thinking of didn't particularly like asking for help, but once they start asking for one thing, all of these needs that have been piling up suddenly need attention and I'm running around doing all kinds of things for them thinking "I've made a huge mistake."

 

[Froody Blue Gem]

Despite being sx last and struggling with connection, I do relate... it could be my strong 4 wing and my 9 fix adds to the attachment if I finally do let someone in. I was only in a situation where it got to extremes but oh boy... I more or less internalize on my possessiveness and keep it in check but if someone becomes my special someone, I hate seeing them with other people or when they bring up other girls.

However, it's rare that I get like this with people, it takes connection which I am terrible at building. Most of the time, I am possessive of my belongings and hate when people rearrange my stuff and go through my sketchpad without permission. The freak out mode seeps from beneath the cracks when people do such a thing. Those are big no-nos with me to get on my bad list.