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[Type 5] Fives deep down

simbad

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2011
Messages
36
Enneagram
4w3
Who are you deep down.

1. Is sex an important issue for 5's in a relationship?

2. Do 5's ever suffer from lovesickness / lovepain?

3. Are they capable of empathy? Realize when someone is feeling sad or hurt?

4. Do they ever have a bad conscience when they realized they've insulted or hurt someone they like?

5. What could someone do to really hurt you?

6. What is the nicest thinig you could say to a 5 to win him over?

7. What is the worst misconception someone could have about you?

8. If you had a choice between 2 women - one who is emotional, kind, fun to be with and sexy or one who is aloof, intelligent and rational. Which would you choose?
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
1. For me, yes.
2-4 are part of being human unless you are a psychopath.
5. Betray my trust, not accept me.
6. Sayng something genuine about my strengths, discussing ideas
7. Questions 2-4
8. It would depend on stability of the person, drive, connection.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,192
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think wings and tritype readings impact this tremendously, so they can't be taken categorically.

1. Is sex an important issue for 5's in a relationship?

It is for a 5w4 SX type, as part of intimacy.

I want to have it.
And I want it to be honest and organic.
And I don't want artificial boundaries.

But it's not the center of the relationship.

2. Do 5's ever suffer from lovesickness / lovepain?

I'm sure.
I have.

But it's typical not to show it.

3. Are they capable of empathy? Realize when someone is feeling sad or hurt?
I am, but as I said, I'm 5w4 SX, which I think is at the far end of the emotional spectrum for Five.
(whereas cold/indifferent/unfeeling is at the other end)

4. Do they ever have a bad conscience when they realized they've insulted or hurt someone they like?
Yes.

5. What could someone do to really hurt you?

The worst thing that happens to me is when I'm accused and punished for something I didn't do (i.e., a lie) or have my character/motivations publicly slandered. (If I actually did the things I'm accused of, then I actually don't have much problem with it.)

The second worst thing would be being forced into a box and viewed as a role or demographic rather than as a person.

6. What is the nicest thing you could say to a 5 to win him over?

Again, I am 5w4.

So I immediately thought it would be someone saying, "That was really insightful," but on some level I don't waste time saying things I don't think are insightful, so sometimes those kind of compliments roll right off me.

I think actually it's someone who can tell me accurately the dark/undesirable parts of myself (which shows that they actually know all of me, not just the obvious good stuff) but then say, "I love and accept you regardless and want you in my life."

7. What is the worst misconception someone could have about you?

That I'm a bad person in ways that I'm not (i.e., accusing me of not caring about other people, or being selfish, or some other attack on my perceptive abilities).

It used to be someone calling me "stupid"... but for some reason I think I've come to grips with the idea that I know I'm not stupid, so the insult has lost its power over me a bit.

8. If you had a choice between 2 women - one who is emotional, kind, fun to be with and sexy or one who is aloof, intelligent and rational. Which would you choose?

Neither.

But if I had to choose between 2 men? I might actually choose the first. The latter seems to be missing capacity to actually relate to me, and I already provide semi-aloof intelligence/rationality to the relationship, so we don't need more of that.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I am a bit confused. Why wouldn't a five be capable of empathy, having a conscious, having feelings of love-pain? Maybe I have taken too many psych courses but if someone lacks those sorts of things, that typically is indicative of a mental disorder (regardless of tritype, instinctual stackings).
 

The_World_As_Will

New member
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
415
I am a bit confused. Why wouldn't a five be capable of empathy, having a conscious, having feelings of love-pain? Maybe I have taken too many psych courses but if someone lacks those sorts of things, that typically is indicative of a mental disorder (regardless of tritype, instinctual stackings).

I think that would a sociopath, lol not a 5 :p, I think sadly, fives get this stupid reputation of being emotion-less, and we dont have empathy, which isn't the case AT ALL, I think we are a bit detached, but it's really a way to analyze. Personally i'm a 5 and I have alot of empathy, and it extends to all parts of my life, but eh, I think people have to get the 5= emotional-less idea out of their heads, if anything we are TOO sensitive to others, it's why we detach.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I think that would a sociopath, lol not a 5 :p, I think sadly, fives get this stupid reputation of being emotion-less, and we dont have empathy, which isn't the case AT ALL, I think we are a bit detached, but it's really a way to analyze. Personally i'm a 5 and I have alot of empathy, and it extends to all parts of my life, but eh, I think people have to get the 5= emotional-less idea out of their heads, if anything we are TOO sensitive to others, it's why we detach.
That was what I was I thinking. I got a sense that some of the questions were inadvertently asking if 5's were "sociopaths". The original poster probably did not mean it but I found it amusing.
 

Such Irony

Honor Thy Inferior
Joined
Jul 23, 2010
Messages
5,059
MBTI Type
INtp
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I think wings and tritype readings impact this tremendously, so they can't be taken categorically.

Yes, stacking too.

1. Is sex an important issue for 5's in a relationship?

I agree with what Jennifer said. It's not as important as love but it is important.

2. Do 5's ever suffer from lovesickness / lovepain?

I have a couple of times. Probably more prevalent in 5's with a 4 wing.

3. Are they capable of empathy? Realize when someone is feeling sad or hurt?
Of course they are capable. They may not emotionally demonstrate it as much as other types.


4. Do they ever have a bad conscience when they realized they've insulted or hurt someone they like?
Yes, of course.

5. What could someone do to really hurt you?

Betray my trust.
Infidelity.
Insult my intelligence.


6. What is the nicest thing you could say to a 5 to win him over?

You have excellent ideas and insights and are incredibly brilliant. You are very interesting company and I love spending time with you.

7. What is the worst misconception someone could have about you?

That because I appear rather quiet and unemotional that somehow I'm cold and aloof and that I don't care about things or people.

8. If you had a choice between 2 women - one who is emotional, kind, fun to be with and sexy or one who is aloof, intelligent and rational. Which would you choose?

I think I'll go with what Jennifer said. For everyday friendship, no preference. For an intimate relationship, more likely the former.
 

Affably Evil

New member
Joined
Jul 17, 2010
Messages
73
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5w4
I keep mine chained in the basement, but it is there!

... I think. Maybe I should check in on it.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
sex is important. lightning rods are good. very grounding.

emotionally when we're right, detachment turns to non-attachment. it allows us to internalize the milieu rather than focusing on what we hear internally. it's good for triangulation. while i personally don't feel that great with reasons, i still assess information quality extremely well and get it to talk in new and novel ways. it's good for discourse moderation. it's just more de-centered and needs to feel the circulation more than it specifically fixates on its own interior. fear gets in the way and prevents hearing because the fucking mental clatter is too shrill and chaotic and unceasing and revved up. and we feel entranced in those moments by potential threats and just move closer to them, a strange kind of fascination rehearsing itself until you become emotionally empty.

as far as the good/bad of 5s, i think we run contrary to social expectations about as hard as we possibly could. 5s with a stronger sense of efficacy usually are much more appreciated, even when they go too far (look at 8s!). 5w6s are far less feeling than 5w4s and hypervigilant about being controlled or forced or threatened. there's also a huge difference between e5 types. i think the infjs probably oscillate the most, because when our feeling is fucked up, we're totally groundless, so we really need to be emotionally centered amidst whatever changing environments we find ourselves in or we can quickly feel totally lost because a big chunk of our intelligence is suddenly missing. extreme skittishness results.
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Do 5's ever suffer from lovesickness / lovepain?

It can happen.

Are they capable of empathy? Realize when someone is feeling sad or hurt?

Definitely capable, but not as astute as other types. I think that's more of a Enn 4 thing than it is a 5. So, being a 5w4, I have to allow myself to tap into that side of things. And I may not always "realize" when someone is feeling down if I'm in Enn 5 mode. If they show it, then yes. If it's well hidden beneath the surface, it will be hard for me to pick up on. But, once it's shown or brought to my attention, then I actually want to go to that place with them.

Do they ever have a bad conscience when they realized they've insulted or hurt someone they like?

Yes. Very much. I find this to be largely accurate: http://www.9types.com/descr/5/

One of the bullet points under "What's hard about being a 5" is that we sometimes "feel bad when we act like a know-it-all or when we act defensive". I'd say it's more feeling bad if I've said something out of my rockish nature that really stung the other person. That makes me feel bad almost every time.

What could someone do to really hurt you?

Probably a breach of confidence or a betrayal of trust. I'm big on integrity. Do what's in the best interest of your friends, of those you care about. If you have to sneak around and keep things hidden and engage in all kinds of "behind the scenes activity", why even bother being friends with that person? I'd rather that person cut me loose so we can both get busy being honest and free again. This could be in any different realm: betrayals of trust in the business realm (your handshake didn't mean what you said it did), finances, words spoken to another person, misleading/deceitful actions, etc. Basically, I want trustworthy people around me.

What is the nicest thinig you could say to a 5 to win him over?

I doubt there is one thing that would "win someone over". But, things that have meant a lot to me in the past are things like, "You're a good friend." "I appreciate you for who you are." "I'm glad you're a part of my life." "When I need a solution, I call you." (haha). My ISTJ buddy calls me "The idea guy." I have a family member who knows I don't like talking on the phone a whole lot and so she'll call once a month and say something like, "It's been a while and I needed my monthly INTPness 'fix'. My tank was running low, but now I'm good again. Ahhhh, I feel much better now!" LOL, cracks me up every time. We may not be social butterflies, but we like our time with people to be of high quality. Fun and silly, but also good conversations. Also, my step-dad is ESTJ and we don't see eye-to-eye on most things at all. I probably call him twice a year on special occasions. But, I found out recently through others that he "really, really enjoys my phone calls and our conversations" and that I should call more. That really meant a lot. That's one of those things that gets into the deeper places for me. I know he'd never say it to my face, but just to know that he'd like more than just 2 calls a year - it showed me that we have something more than I thought we did. It gives me something to build on.

What is the worst misconception someone could have about you?

That I don't care. As an example, I have siblings who are sensors and we don't share a lot of of common interests. And because of that, we don't talk as often as we should. But, recently I've made more of an effort and they have all responded in kind. It's been really good to see that "rebuilding" or "re-establishing" of closeness. What I realized is that when I'm distant for months at a time, they think I don't care. Nothing could be further from the truth. I care very deeply. There's just hasn't always been a lot of common ground in the past. But, just a phone call to reach out and say, "Hey, guess what? I care! What's been going on you big lug?" - it goes a long way in showing them that I do care.

If you had a choice between 2 women - one who is emotional, kind, fun to be with and sexy or one who is aloof, intelligent and rational. Which would you choose?

Who would pass up on kind, fun, and sexy? I'd definitely go with the first option. Only exception would possibly be an ENTJ, but they're not really aloof. Intelligent and rational, but not aloof.

But, that's just my personal preference. Even if you're the aloof, rational type (OP), there's someone out there for everyone. There's always someone out there who will appreciate you exactly the way you are.
 
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