Who needs anxiety, worries, panic, avoidance?!
Self preservation?
The hell with that.
Let's get wild.
Being married to an E6 with anxiety, worries, avoidance and self-preservation takes a whole lotta patience.
It's exhausting to have to coax my husband to chill when:
1. Kids need to go for school trips
2. I need to drive out at night (as in no choice, not attending parties or clubbing, God forbid!)
3. Trips when he isn't going
4. When I don't hear my cellphone ring in my handbag, and there would be 17 missed calls within 15 mins and multiple texts of "Where are you?!?"
5. 17 yo daughter isn't allowed to go to the mall with friends without an adult chaperone
6. And teaching said 17 yo to drive ("it isn't safe for girls to drive alone day or night. She can't drive. What college; don't talk about overseas university. She ain't leaving country") 6. Don't even mention world wars...
I hope I don't ever have a daughter for her sake, because I'd uncontrollably be exactly like that if not worse.
Is there actually an easier way to convince 6s that independence is vital for personal growth? Kids to be able to stand on their own two feet is on the top 10 list of what it means to be an adult?
It just baffles me that he can't see this. I'm an E9w8 and fiercely independent. And our 17yo is E8w7. Yup. Can you imagine her aggravation?
Being an E9, I try to understand. And also being a w8, I just veto his decision and once allowed my 17yo to participate in an international debate event overseas. He was hurt by my 'betrayal', and I suffered his berating me the whole 7 days. But once she came back, he was very proud of her wins and never mentioned his worries.
Yeah, but I love him, tolerate his anger with a deadpan face and also defy unwarranted decisions for my children's sake. I just hope he won't have to tell me "I told you so!"
That can be a lot to ask of a 6
Thankfully my parents gave me a lot of freedom, and I have learned that it is the only way to raise kids. They need to have as much freedom as you can appropriately give.
Maybe you could try relating the whole child raising thing to some thing like planting a seed. It needs nourishment, not suffocation. lol
What's his MBTI type?
He's enfp. I've tried metaphors, reason, coaxing, and outright anger. I guess he just can't help it! I know how as parents you naturally want to protect your kids. The best way to me is to teach them to protect themselves and how to make safe decisions.
Oh well... *shrugs*
Is there actually an easier way to convince 6s that independence is vital for personal growth? Kids to be able to stand on their own two feet is on the top 10 list of what it means to be an adult?
It just baffles me that he can't see this. I'm an E9w8 and fiercely independent. And our 17yo is E8w7. Yup. Can you imagine her aggravation?
Being an E9, I try to understand. And also being a w8, I just veto his decision and once allowed my 17yo to participate in an international debate event overseas. He was hurt by my 'betrayal', and I suffered his berating me the whole 7 days. But once she came back, he was very proud of her wins and never mentioned his worries.
Yeah, but I love him, tolerate his anger with a deadpan face and also defy unwarranted decisions for my children's sake. I just hope he won't have to tell me "I told you so!"
I had a very tough childhood and the emotional scars and nightmares still haunt me. I am always scared about having children and them going through the same things. I always have dreams of my own death, or my dogs, or future children, dying, generally being sick, beaten to death or shot, dying really cruelly and painfully...then I wake up shaking. Because of my skiing accident and rugby concussions (I'm guessing) I often have nightmares about kids falling off bikes and walls and cracking their skulls...
It wasn't that my parents abused me or anything but they were neglectful and naive when I was unwell, especially emotionally.
When you already have a predisposition to internalise things and carry them as a 6 trauma just makes it worse.