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[Type 3] Threes, how do you experience your stress point - Nine?

Chloe

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there are at least a few 3s here... so if you can describe what did you notice about your stress point 9, how you act then?

added few questions for 3s:

1) Are you "overachiever"? there are many prejudices (though often correct) about 3s being high acheivers...


2) Are you a workaholic?

3) Are you aware of your fear of failing? How does it effect you? How do you react to it? (over doing, freezing?)... etc.


4) how long does your 9s state usually last? (if you noticed them at all)


5) do you get angry a lot? do you express it? are you often more angry on others, blaming them, or on yourself?


6)what do you do when you are scared of something?



7) enneagram types you relate the most to? and how do you score (top 5?)


thats all i promise
 
Last edited:

Gerbah

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I'm not a 3, but I do know someone who I would say is a 3. When there is a problem or issue that is unpleasant to face she often just tries to forget about it. Like, if it's in the past and she doesn't think about it, then it doesn't exist anymore and so there isn't a problem. (Even if objectively there is actually still a problem.) So in that sort of avoidant sense, it is nineish.
 

Asterion

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I look for that feeling of getting shit done such that I can show people, it's something that drives me when I study. However, if I am stressed, like before exams, I don't focus on that at all, I stop working and just waste my time away and it just sort of spirals. There is also a slight problem: I keep away from people for an extended period of time, I will get progressively lazy, because I have a dependence on that.

In some times of stress, I go completely calm. There may be enough stuff happening to make any one else get really angry or cry, but I just go calm. Some of my friends notice that I NEVER get angry. This is the reason why, but it is also that I find anger kind of funny, and I've played a lot of frustrating video games in my time-> it makes you more able to deal with the anger, same thing happened to my brother.

I'm not quite sure how nine like those observations are.
 

Chloe

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I will write for my case
and the case of my friend who is also a 3. We are pretty similar though

Me; I can have high of ambitions and planning billion stuff and thinking everything is possible, with high like "on my way to there, i'd pick this, then i'll do this..blahbla"... once i even really believed i will finish paralely masters in Math and Psychology bc I wasnt sure which to pick, and that was unrealistic in school system in my country; but when I am on that high, I feel like i can do anything, and, to be again there: i think that's true, but high doesnt last so long because the goal isnt genuine often; after all, i didnt want to finish both of those things, I just was afraid what to do so i was like "yeah it will all work out the best, i'm no loser" haha...
after that, if i do too much like that (which for few yrs i am not doing bc i am more aware of my real needs, but still) it can lead to 9 state and being drained by everything and lazy, not caring about most things and appearing completely uncompetitive (i can be here for very long even longer than in 3!), I think I spent most part of my HS years like that, I was just "blah", for example: like many teenage girls my friends were competitive about looks and all, I never wanted to be the best or prove anything, join the competition, i was just content if they leave me alone (ok, that has also to do with NF values but I think 3 would be less passive than that if it's not in 9s place)

well that's for now all about 9 i can tell.


about my 3 friend
.... well... she's image conscious and achievement oriented, for sure, so there is no question - she is 3. but she is also unsuccessful in HS and college, she plans so much and then when she cant reach that because she cant be the best, she falls apart and does nothing. It looks like coming home from school and doing nothing even though she knows that tomorrow is college application exam and her whole year of life depends on it. Then she failed it.
She freezes out of fear of failing.
That can happen to me too, often. Also,what Gerbah said, iignoring things that need to be done by simply not talking about them (i feel like i feezed there too). I think that's most common 9s state for a 3, being very very lazy because you have fear of failing

That's it for now, I will write something if I remember it.

I hope some other 3s will answer too. :yes:
 

Chloe

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I look for that feeling of getting shit done such that I can show people, it's something that drives me when I study. However, if I am stressed, like before exams, I don't focus on that at all, I stop working and just waste my time away and it just sort of spirals.
Do you think you do that (be lazy, ignore) out of fear of failing?
In some times of stress, I go completely calm. There may be enough stuff happening to make any one else get really angry or cry, but I just go calm. Some of my friends notice that I NEVER get angry. This is the reason why, but it is also that I find anger kind of funny, and I've played a lot of frustrating video games in my time-> it makes you more able to deal with the anger, same thing happened to my brother.

I can relate to anger things, I am very very rarely angry. :yes: It's actually typical for both; Threes and Nines. Because 3s dont get angry too because anger breaks "relationship" with others, you know : diplomatic.
I've been thinking about anger and enneagram types, there are some interesting stuff... ex.. I used to consider 1, but 1 has very inwardly turned anger, anger on self, i dont have that, mine goes a little bit more out, but usually no anger at all.
The same with fear, 3s have a problem with (feeling) fear, they try to DO stuff to avoid it.
 

momof3

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Great thread. I am pretty sure I'm a 3w2 but this is actually one area that makes me question it.....I do have a temper. But really only people in my inner circle see that side of me. Either that or someone on the other end of a phone call where I've received very poor customer service....in other words, someone that I don't have to turn around and face again.

I really relate to just shutting down and losing all initiative....like I just don't even know where to start and it's not a sure thing that I will succeed at something so I put off even trying. I feel like that a lot.

I also notice that I am such an extrovert, but when something is really bothering me, I just want to go somewhere and be alone. That's actually the only time I really can think of that I don't want to be around other people. Not sure what that all means.

Would love to hear other responses.
 

Chloe

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I really relate to just shutting down and losing all initiative....like I just don't even know where to start and it's not a sure thing that I will succeed at something so I put off even trying. I feel like that a lot.
.


this is totally 9-ish :) i have that too
 

Sparrow

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I tend to sweep things under the rug a lot to avoid conflict (i know this is bad, Im working on it the best I can), I admit I am a people pleaser, I want to do my best to make sure everyone is happy and that Im being on point. But Its unhealthy, I let shit build up and I eventually cant take it anymore, I either explode with anger, have an emotional melt down, or lose sleep because of anxiety. This is very unhealthy! Im am trying to say how I feel (sooner atleast) now. I care about other peoples feelings a lot and overlook my own. Is this typical of 3's or is this just an ENFJ thing?
 

Aleksei

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there are at least a few 3s here... so if you can describe what did you notice about your stress point 9, how you act then?
Lethargy, lack of motivation, irritability at people arguing around me. I'm a bit odd -- I'm a stubborn argumentative asshole when I'm in almost any setting but home, but at home I avoid arguments as much as possible, especially when I'm tired.

Arguably another manifestation of Nine could be my tendency to feel depressed and down sometimes and shun human contact -- even though I immediately feel better once actually engaged in discussion.
 

Chloe

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@Sparrow, I might be wrong but I dont think that's typical 3s thing, no. More ENFJ.
@Aleksei, I relate to all you said.
 

Sparrow

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I should try taking the enneagram test again to see what my results are. I keep scoring differently each time, Ive gotten 3 twice though so I stuck with that. Will keep ya posted ;).

Edit: I scored 1 this time :|! Do you guys score the same each time (3)? With MBTI I always score ENFJ.
 

Chloe

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I should try taking the enneagram test again to see what my results are. I keep scoring differently each time, Ive gotten 3 twice though so I stuck with that. Will keep ya posted ;).

Edit: I scored 1 this time :|! Do you guys score the same each time (3)? With MBTI I always score ENFJ.

No, I dont score as 3 always, more often I score as something else. You can only be sure by reading a lot. Do you relate to things written in this thread?

btw. i could totally see you as 1
 

Chloe

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I added 6 questions in OP so please answer them too!!

I will:

1) Are you "overacheiver"?

No, I am not. I am "underachiever" (though i hate those terms :D) ... I was very successful until couple of years ago, but those successes werent bc i wanted that badly, it was mostly because it was easy to succeed, what I want to say is that I probably wouldnt be then also if it requiered too much effort.

I think this is among other things linked to temperament; NF. Pure achieving doesnt make sense to me. Also P has take in this.

My sister is ESTJ and a 3, and she is very high achiever, that woman never failed at anything for now, this is why I still didnt see her 9 state for a very long.


2) Are you workaholic?


No, I am lazy as you can be. BUT if I wanted something I can be very competitive, but I dont want so many things and success is not something I measure with money etc, also, having fun is more important, so no, not workaholic.


3) Are you aware of your fear of failing? How does it effect you? How do you react to it? (over doing, freezing?)... etc.


I wasnt so much aware of fear of failing. (which is rather 3-ish bc 3s try to escape all fears), but I am lately. Its very deep and very simple fear. Like... not trying some things in which I might fail.
I react either by overdoing (rarely now) or by freezing and not doing anything at all(9)

4) how long do your 9s state usually last? (if you noticed them at all)

Longer than 3s often. Because 3 frustrates me and doesnt make me contenct, I dontl like being ambitious without meaning behind it but only for escaping fears. Its not real.

5) do you get angry a lot? do you express it? are you often more angry on others, blaming them, or on yourself?

(copy paste from post 5 in this thread) : I can relate to anger things, I am very very rarely angry. It's actually typical for both; Threes and Nines. Because 3s dont get angry too because anger breaks "relationship" with others, you know : diplomatic. When I do get angry I direct it more twds outside than inside.

6)what do you do when you are scared of something?

It depends what it is, but I often deny the fear, and start making plans how to escape bad outcome. Sometimes I freeze and go to 9. Actually the same as with failing.

7) enneagram types you relate the most to? and how do you score (top 5?)_

I relate most to 7,4(only sometimes),1, and 9. I score high on 7,9,4, not 1.
 

Aleksei

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I should try taking the enneagram test again to see what my results are. I keep scoring differently each time, Ive gotten 3 twice though so I stuck with that. Will keep ya posted ;).

Edit: I scored 1 this time :|! Do you guys score the same each time (3)? With MBTI I always score ENFJ.
Enneagram tests are frankly pretty shitty. I always get 8w7 or 7w8. Once I got 6w7. :doh:

The way to determine your enneagram is to read the descriptions (paying most attention to the "core motivation" part as that's the primary driver of Enneagram), and see which one resonates with you the most.
 

Aleksei

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1) Are you "overacheiver"? there are many prejudices (though often correct) about 3s being high acheivers...
I'm undisciplined and lazy, but I guess within those constraints I am. :laugh: I enjoy the feeling of a job well done, and I especially love the ego boost of being number one at anything.

2) Are you a workaholic?
Not at all, but occasionally I go into the zone and I wanna do as much as possible, and I overstretch. I have a big problem with biting more than I can chew, particularly -- I start something and take on too much thinking it's gonna be easy, then it becomes a nightmare and eventually I burn out and I quit.

3) Are you aware of your fear of failing? How does it effect you? How do you react to it? (over doing, freezing?)... etc.
I freeze up, shut down and end up falling back into 9. It happens a lot when I'm close to the end of a class and I think it's too much work, and I stop doing my assignments near the end. It's real frustrating. >_<

4) how long does your 9s state usually last? (if you noticed them at all)
Too long. :laugh:
 

Aleksei

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5) do you get angry a lot?
Fairly often.
do you express it?
Depends on the situation.
are you often more angry on others, blaming them, or on yourself?
Them, or else the situation in general. I can do no wrong. :smile:

Nah, occasionally I'll get angry at myself for fucking up, but generally I direct my rage in no direction in particular.
6)what do you do when you are scared of something?
I avoid it, or psych myself up into facing it if I need to face it.
7) enneagram types you relate the most to? and how do you score (top 5?)
That I relate to: 3 > 7 > 8 > 9 > 6 > 5 > 4 > 2 > 1
How I score: 8 > 3 > 4 > 7 > 9 > 2 > 5 > 6 > 1
 

Mondo

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so if you can describe what did you notice about your stress point 9, how you act then?

When I'm at my stress point 9, I usually veg out more- trying to get to that point where I am able to become active/successful again. I spend my time pursuing hobbies which have no meaning in my actual life.

added few questions for 3s:

1) Are you "overacheiver"? there are many prejudices (though often correct) about 3s being high acheivers...

I wouldn't call myself an overachiever. This is probably because much of my ego is based on efficiency- achieving the most with the least effort.

2) Are you a workaholic?
I'll become a workaholic if I don't see any other way to achieving my goals than working hard. I may be a little lazy but I'm not foolish.

3) Are you aware of your fear of failing? How does it effect you? How do you react to it? (over doing, freezing?)... etc.
I am aware of this fear. If I think I can succeed at something, I will overdo it. If I think I'll fail no matter what, I'll rationalize why it's not really that great to succeed in that aspect of life and move on.

4) how long does your 9s state usually last? (if you noticed them at all)
It can last for about a week or two- then I get bored and get out of the 9 state.

5) do you get angry a lot? do you express it? are you often more angry on others, blaming them, or on yourself?
I do get angry sometimes. I tend to express my anger through my words (I can be "brutally honest") but don't really show the physical signs of anger when I am angry.

6)what do you do when you are scared of something?
When I'm scared of something, I try to revamp my image in such a way that would decrease the possibility of encountering (or being defeated by) the thing I'm afraid of.

7) enneagram types you relate the most to? and how do you score (top 5?)
1, 5, & 9 are the other types I can relate to besides 3.
 

Asterion

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I've answered some of these questions already :) so here's the rest:

overachiever: In my family, extended or otherwise, I am the only one to have gone to uni. However, compared to my classmates at uni who also do science, there are some of them who don't even have to try to suceed, they are just naturally good at it and absorb information like sponges and problem solve like it was second nature. As I have found, a lot of their parents are engineers or scientists, oddly enough. I like to know that I put in a lot of effort, study later and longer and with more enthusiasm lol. I don't really consider myself an overachiever though.

Fear of Failure: I adapt to such things, I often don't fear failure at all, and consider it a learning opportunity. It doesn't have as strong an influence on me as letting people know I have failed. Personally I can deal with it, but if I have to tell someone it feels awful, it deeply affects me.

Workaholic: I have encountered the odd ocasion where I have not wanted to stop working, it has actually happened more than just a few times lol.

How long does the 9 state last: a weekend or so, it depends on if there is something to bring me back or not. I once had a bit of a fail that cost me quite a lot of time. I went to look for a job, but it just happened to be a recession I put a lot of effort in and didn't get any response and after months, just lost it, I got depressed and I felt trapped, there was no escape from it, the only solution was a lot of time and it was an agonizing wait. At least I learned a lot from that :)

What Enneagrams do you relate to: 7, 5, 9, 6.

What do you do when scared?: I start to get delusional, I seek an ideal and start to dream up ideas that will lead me there, sort of avoiding the real problem, running away and trying to achieve something else that is usually unrealistic or has almost no chance of happening.

I thought this was a 7 motivation, running away and making plans, avoiding pain, but I can see why it's not the same.
 

Chloe

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It's totally shocking how much answers are the same. It's cos I know how to ask questions.:cheese:

KoD said:
I thought this was a 7 motivation, running away and making plans, avoiding pain, but I can see why it's not the same.

Because 3s do it out of fear of failure.. and 7s simply to avoid pain and viewing themselves in negative light. Our is more materialistic, product oriented..
 
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