INFJ and 6w5

[Quay]

How does this work?

I keep seeing 4s all over the place, and I can see the difference between their way of thinking and mine, but I'm not sure how 6 and INFJ go together.

I can say I've tested INFP occasionally.

I need to go to the bookstore because these web searches aren't telling me much.

But before I do, can anyone help me with this? lol

Thanks...

[SilkRoad]

It appears likely that this is what I am. I only started looking into the enneagram recently and have also considered the possibility that I'm 9, but from descriptions, and tests, I am leaning toward 6, and probably 6w5. I also consistently test and identify with INFJ.

Unlike 4, I don't romanticize being different and although I am attracted to deep emotions, I wouldn't say I am attracted just for the sake of it, if you know what I mean (although this may be over-simplification.)

I identify VERY strongly with the 6 aspects of doubt and questioning (my own actions/motives etc especially), needing reassurance and consistency about my relationships with other people, scanning the environment for signs confirming my somewhat pre-conceived ideas...etc.

I can also be pretty brave and decisive when I have to in the moment. Anticipation is usually worse.

6s are supposed to be imaginative and devoted. I think it fits quite well with INFJ, though there seems to be a big majority of 4s.

[Quay]

Unlike 4, I don't romanticize being different and although I am attracted to deep emotions, I wouldn't say I am attracted just for the sake of it, if you know what I mean (although this may be over-simplification.)

I know exactly what you mean.

I identify VERY strongly with the 6 aspects of doubt and questioning (my own actions/motives etc especially), needing reassurance and consistency about my relationships with other people, scanning the environment for signs confirming my somewhat pre-conceived ideas...etc. always

I can also be pretty brave and decisive when I have to in the moment. Anticipation is usually worse. I can go shadow in anticipation. Ugh.

Are you counter-culture by default?

[SilkRoad]

Are you counter-culture by default?

It depends what you mean by "counter-culture." Actually, I wouldn't say I am particularly. I suppose I can be quite conservative in some ways and quite individualistic in others. In terms of what I enjoy culturally, some of it is about as mainstream as you can get, and some of it is seriously off the beaten track.

What's your experience of this? (and of being a 6w5 INFJ generally, if that is indeed what you are?)

[Quay]

It depends what you mean by "counter-culture." Actually, I wouldn't say I am particularly. I suppose I can be quite conservative in some ways and quite individualistic in others. In terms of what I enjoy culturally, some of it is about as mainstream as you can get, and some of it is seriously off the beaten track.

What's your experience of this? (and of being a 6w5 INFJ generally, if that is indeed what you are?)

This is an image in my head.

I'm looking to rent/purchase a loft. I imagine it to have smells of something tasty cooking, like chili, earthy, huge bookshelves fulla books, and very tidy despite my toddlers playing, climbing and taking over everything (conservative I guess, in a way).

But then I imagine a huge music studio in the midst of all this. No TV (rarely watch it because I feel like it corrupted my soul honestly and I'm working on undoing the damage). African and Asian art, some contemporary stuff thrown in there, and rarely any visitors.

A lot of artists' homes I see are a huge mess. It takes everything in my power to not start cleaning, but I realize that's how they function and I need to keep my hands to myself. So...paradoxical I can be a lot of times?

[SilkRoad]

I think paradoxical is for sure. I feel very conflicted a lot of the time. About almost everything!!

Maybe you also identify with this - having people tell you about their problems - and having a lot more clarity over what they should do about those (or at least a comforting thing to say) than you do about your own problems...

Do you have any experience of phobias? I have wondered if INFJ 6w5 might be particularly prone. I know 6 is supposed to be either phobic or counter-phobic and I also know that doesn't refer to "phobias" per se. But a year and a half ago my low-level fear of flying (which never troubled me much before) developed into something more like a full-blown phobia. I had CBT for it for a while and the therapist figured that my main issue was a fear of the unknown. We also talked about unhealthy habits such as scanning the environment for signs that seem to fit my phobic ideas (about how there's going to be horrible, terrifying turbulence etc). Only later have I started reading about the enneagram, but it does seem to fit.

I would be interested to hear any more of your insights or if there are any other INFJ 6w5s out there! Though, I admit I have wondered if I might be 9 as well. At first I thought I might be 4 but am now convinced I'm not. (I have an INFJ friend who seems like a textbook 4, though! And it explains some of the differences between us, as well as similarities as INFJs...) 6 seems the most likely but I now wonder about 9 too, especially as 9 is supposed to go to negative aspects of 6 in stress.

[SilkRoad]

This might not be so type related, but do you also have a bad habit of weaving disappointments/perceived failures into a grand picture where one or two things are symptomatic of your entire life?

I realised the other day that I was doing this, again. I am job searching (though happily I have temp work at the moment as well, so not currently in financially dire straits) and have had several interviews, but keep getting told that though I’m great they’re going with someone else who has even more experience, etc.

When speaking with my mum, I said “this is the story of my life.” She didn’t think this was true. So as other examples of how I’m always an also-ran, I cited the public speaking competition I did about six or seven times in school when growing up, where I was always picked for the city finals, but at the finals never won anything; and also, the men in my life who I’ve been involved with or interested in, who have told me I’m fantastic and they’re sure I’ll find someone wonderful some day, but they want to make it clear that they don’t want it to be them.

[mia]

Hi there, I'm an INTJ with 6w5 too.
I tend to experience this feeling of insecurity and imagine things that could happen especially when I'm in unfamiliar places or situations. Sometimes this trait is annoying because I tend to doubt not only my friends but people that's close to me. It's mentally draining and depressing.

[SilkRoad]

Hi there, I'm an INTJ with 6w5 too.
I tend to experience this feeling of insecurity and imagine things that could happen especially when I'm in unfamiliar places or situations. Sometimes this trait is annoying because I tend to doubt not only my friends but people that's close to me. It's mentally draining and depressing.

Yeah, I hear you. I think if it's people really close to me who I have a long history of trust with, it's only if I'm really exhausted and demoralized in other respects. Maybe I feel like I'm putting in a lot more effort and care a lot more than they do, or something, even if there's evidence to the contrary. That can be hard to deal with.

[Eric B]

6w5 would make a lot of sense for INFJ, especially comparing both systems to the Five Temperaments. 5 is Melancholy, and 6 is very Supine, and a lot of INFJ's are a Melancholy-Supine combination. (Melancholy=INJ, Supine=NF). 4 also by itself seems to be between Melancholy and Supine, so that figures well for INFJ also.