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  1. #21
    A Bittersweet Symphony... The Cat's Avatar
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    and they can become so cynical about it later.
    I am the Cat who walks by himself; and all places are alike to me...
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  2. #22
    👻 Ⓑ 👻 Ⓞ 👻 Ⓞ 👻 👻 👻 Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ravenetta View Post
    They obsess over the ideal relationship especially if they are sx-dom. Yes, they are individualistic, but if they want love, then it is unique and not common, practical, suburban, conventional, or replaceable. When they think they find a love that is unique in all the world, then it means everything. They have more to lose when invested in love because it feels like once in a lifetime chance. When their heart is broken, there is no hope of finding love again. It's dialed up to 11, and there is some truth in it because it is rare to find someone who gives a shit about transcendent love. Most want a buddy who will make them sammiches until one of them dies.
    This can also apply to other types, like 9.
    ✦ᏖᏒᎥᎮ ค ℓιɬɬℓɛ Ꮭıɠɧɬ ʄคŋɬคʂɬıƈ✦ -: ✦ :- ƒ O ᖇ G E ᗪ I ᑎ ƒ I ᖇ E ❋-: ✦ :-★ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴇᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴇʟꜱ★
    * ・゚ ・゚ * ⊱9w1✶S✶2w1✶X✶5w6⊰ * ・゚ ・゚ *
    ✦Շђєяє คяє ๓σяє тнιηﻭѕ ιη нєανєη αη∂ єαятн Շђαη คяє ∂яєαмт σƒ ιη уσυя ρнιℓσѕσρну.✦
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  3. #23
    Can't be satisfied. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomb1 View Post
    Fours don't obsess over people. The style is too individualistic.
    4s don't let you decide what is and isn't in poor taste, but nice try.
    Perpetual mood


    "It is not the personality's task to tell the truth,
    but to seem to, try to, or try to seem to."


    Philip Trussell

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  4. #24
    Can't be satisfied. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    Also, you are certainly not the Expert and Chief in love and romance.
    Perpetual mood


    "It is not the personality's task to tell the truth,
    but to seem to, try to, or try to seem to."


    Philip Trussell

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  5. #25
    darkened dreams Ravenetta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Deadpan View Post
    Also, you are certainly not the Expert and Chief in love and romance.
    Do you know who is? Because I would like to meet him - or her.
    bunny omi


  6. #26
    darkened dreams Ravenetta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    This can also apply to other types, like 9.
    I can't really speak to all of the types, but Fi could also be inclined to think like I described. It would be interesting to have people of each E type describe their views of it. I know I worded mine definitively, but it is only meant as one perspective, one interpretation of it, and not some big defining the ins and outs of a category.
    bunny omi


  7. #27
    Can't be satisfied. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    You know... the Enneagram is about ego fixations, not every little detail about human behavior. It is about what part of the self we forgot exists, just fine, as it is, and by what process we attempt to feel whole. It does not tell us what we think is funny, or how we love, or what we wear.

    @Tomb - You cannot conceptualize everything about a person's behavior so that it fits neatly into the Enneagram. I think this is an area in which you tend to be far too 5-ish.
    Perpetual mood


    "It is not the personality's task to tell the truth,
    but to seem to, try to, or try to seem to."


    Philip Trussell


  8. #28
    幽霊||๏ ᴅᴀs ɢᴇʜᴛ ᴠᴏʀʙᴇɪ Hexcoder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ravenetta View Post
    Symmetry in relationships is what I think is most important for both good and bad. People *should* be with people who possess their same vices to learn empathy and awareness about it and people should be with someone who can love them with the same love they offer. Maybe opposites attract, but it does enable people to cop out and say the rules are too different for each person when they aren't.

    You need to find someone who loves the same way that you do. That symmetry creates balance, harmony, enduring love.
    On the other hand, when you share vices if one stumbles the other can also fall. Otherwise, the one can learn a bit from the other that doesnt have the vice and grow stronger. Experience is not necessarily required for empathy. Opposite, not opposite...it's really just a matter of working with whatever you've got with someone at the end of the day.
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  9. #29
    (h)angry snek parent ThisName's Avatar
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    What's this whole 'Johnny' thing about? :')

    I agree with what Ravenetta wrote. Yes, fours are individualistic, but I think it's a human thing to long for connection. I don't just want to connect with everyone, I can't do that. But when I find someone I can finally connect with oh gosh... Yes, then I might feel like I am on top of the world for a while. Because once I loose someone special I am always scared that I'll never find someone like that again, someone I can truly have nice conversations with, someone to experience life with. I don't want spend the rest of my life between those 'boring' people.
    And I guess that's why I become 'obsessed'. I don't chase people and I have a hard time showing my love to them. But they are very special to me, or at least the idea of them is special.
    Because most social interactions are just draining to me. I have a few 'friends' at school now, even though they are sort of my friends. I mean, I sit with them at lunch, I go to their house from time to time, but it becomes draining after a while. I don't obsess over these people, someone has to be 'special' for me to obsess over them. (Though... I rang the wrong doorbell a few days ago, a guy opened the door and he was just very cute, looked like someone who could join the qay squad. While I was looking for the right adres, he came outside again and we 'talked' a bit. Couldn't stop thinking about it because I liked his 'vibe' even though I didn't know him. I even dreamt about him that night. Yes, I need to get my shit together. :') But if was fun to fantasize about a possible friendship for a while. A friendship that isn't draining, someone interesting for once.)

    I mean, I have known one of my best friends for over 8 years now, another one for +-4 years (and someone who got a girlfriend and since then I don't hear anything from her anymore lmao, but it was fun while it lasted). They are still around and I like them a lot. But all the other people I've met the last few years (4 peeps to be exact), they never stick around and it just becomes frustrating.
    I joked about it to my ex that I could see a 'pattern'. Every year I meet someone new, always in September (and yes, we became close in September too). It's very intense at the beginning, we'll spend a lot of time together and then... After +-10 months it's over. Then I have two months to find someone new and in September I'll be very close with that person, only to loose them too.xd Maybe I should stop meeting new people in September. Good thing it's almost over, next month I can go for it again and finally break the cycle! :')

    Also; "They have more to lose when invested in love because it feels like once in a lifetime chance." 10/10 It's probably one of the scariest things about love (or a very good friendship) to me.

    @Venus Rose. Don't worry about it, it's a lot to read so I understand. :p I really don't know a lot about socionics tho. I should read it. I got IEE and EII (99% as likely as IEE) when I took the test a few months ago. I have to say that I was probably tired when I took the test. :')

    And I agree that feelings will always fade/disappear. Though I think that if you encounter someone (like you said) whom you really match with, you'll never get 'bored' or start to doubt if there's something better out there. (The only thing is that it didn't just 'fade', when she told me it was just 'over')

    I agree with this part yes. "Then, ironically, you might feel uncomfortable around your dual - when in this situation you don't need to be anything other than yourself!"

    It's probably indeed a common feeling, though I don't think that most people loose interest in someone they 'love' as soon as their partner tells them they love them. :p

    What do you mean by; duals are not even drawn to each other at first? That most people are attracted to the idea of the someone else?
    I have to say that I am not necessarily scared that the other person won't be good enough for me. I never thought about that. When I meet someone new I will idealize them (that's also a human thing to do ofc) and I generally don't question the other person/their intentions a lot.

    I think that maybe an attraction that 'creeps up' on you could be healthier. I mean, intense feelings aren't always that good. It's nice to experience but I don't think you could say that people think clearly/logical when they feel that way. Which might cause them to idealize someone and 'fall' for the idea of someone and not for who the person actually is.
    At the end, when feelings fade, it's always a choice whether you stay with that person or not. I would say that it would be stupid to leave someone just because the intense feeling is gone. Since that'll always happen. (Of course, you don't have to stay with someone who doesn't interest you anymore)

    I don't really know how to respond to the rest of your post, but thanks for putting your time into writing it.
    “I can’t explain what I mean. And even if I could, I’m not sure I’d feel like it.”

    - J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

  10. #30
    Senior Member Venus Rose's Avatar
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    What do you mean by; duals are not even drawn to each other at first?
    According to socionics.com "Nature has played a little trick on us. It is difficult to notice your Dual partner among all the other types and even easier to pass them by. Usually during first contact extroverts think about their introvert Dual as ordinary and simple, therefore not deserving their personal attention. In return introverts consider their extrovert Dual to be too good for them and therefore unattainable. Both positions usually belong to people who had a lack of Duality interaction during childhood." It is also possible that duals pass each other by because when they first meet they are likely to act through their Super-Ego functions, which is received with boredom from the other party.
    Source

    That most people are attracted to the idea of the someone else?
    I'm not sure if I said this specifically, I think what I was trying to convey is that we adapt in some way for several different kinds of personalities, and so adaptation becomes second nature, there is some leeway there for a "potential" of the kind you would find in duality, the natural and comfortable and if romantic, potentially intense psychological 'nakedness'; I said "potential," because love/infatuation idk makes people become silly and idealistic i guess in all sorts of ways, since it's like a drug. What makes it even more addicting is the idea that this <specific beautiful sublime union sx doms unconsciously are often after> is possible, maybe you even come tantalizingly close to it, only find that it did not happen. But you keep hoping...up until a certain point I guess. That is the 'attraction' of relationships that may not be ideal for you but still make you desire strongly that which you want most, because it's kind of in your reach, and then out again, in and then out again
    and duality is just like...ok so here is what you were looking for and it seems like many people might get stumped lol like they are almost still expecting to be disappointed. But here is the thing where you DON'T have to chase after it anymore, you can just enjoy it. I guess acc. to e-theory 4s are infamous for getting frustrated exactly at this point but i also feel like it's human to a certain extent.
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