[Traditional Enneagram] Who even am I? Lmao.

[julesiscools]

I originally posted this in an OLD "What's My Type" thread, just to get my thoughts out and try to figure it out for myself. Got absolutely no where with it, and realized I'd actually really like some insight from anyone who can be bothered to read through. If you do, thank you!

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It's been a while since I've been here, due to a lot of things. Mostly being busy, but also some serious life changes. Said changes has led to me second guessing my enneagram type (I've always thought I was a 4, but things have changed, I'll get into it in the questionnaire). So, though this thread originally started as me second guessing my MBTI - I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm ISFP - I couldn't be bothered to make a new thread to answer an Enneagram questionnaire. So here goes! Feel free to chime in!

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0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?

A few months ago, I walked away from a very unhealthy (toxic, manipulative, and codependent) friendship. One that had lasted about 13 years. Since then I've noticed a lot of changes within myself. Just generally feeling better and healthier and happier than I've been since, like, childhood. I've already done numerous tests, and a lot of reading. I'm planning on reading more too, since I've ordered a couple of books from the library. In the past, I regularly got the result of 4 (and said friend even continuously agreed, so much so that if I questioned it, she'd adamantly insist I was in fact a 4 and couldn't be anything else). Randomly, the other week I decided to test again out of boredom and got the result of 7. Which I've never, ever gotten before. EVER. So I read up on it, and while I still related to 4, I realized I've greatly noticed how much I have in common with the 7 description now that I'm out of this toxic friendship. That was long winded, sorry.​

1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).

I'm usually doing something. If I'm not doing something, I'm overthinking. So I do something. Even if it's clean/organize. Or journal. Or read. Or watch tv/movies. I generally like to keep myself occupied anymore. I definitely DID NOT used to be like this. I used to wallow, a lot. In everything.​

2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?

I overthink everything, and I can spend a lot of time in my head. Hence the journaling, it helps me get it out without it consuming me. I daydream pretty often, especially about things I want to do, like traveling. Would that be more like planning than daydreaming? Either way, I like to think about the things I want to do, even if I don't always get to do them. I definitely worry a little too much about what others think of me, but I feel like everyone does that. And I try to be considerate of others, and what they're going through. Also, very easily anxious/nervous, but I do have anxiety.​

b. What have others said about you?

The good? That I'm kind, considerate, and sweet. I've also had my intelligence compared to Hermione. The bad? Bossy, more than anything. Sometimes bitchy, but that's usually when I'm hangry.​

c. What do you think of yourself?

I think that I'm human, and that any faults that I have aren't permanent. It's human nature to grow and change. I think that it's important to try to be the best version of yourself, not for others, but for you. Point is, I accept my faults and my strengths, and if I don't like anything about myself enough, I can change it.​

3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.

Funnily enough, I've started to realize that I reoccuring theme in my life seems to be dealing with relationships with manipulative/toxic people. I've had some not so great boyfriends (and best friends). All of which I've had to realize with all of them that I needed to stop putting my worth in what I could give other people. Another theme seems to be control, or rather that I need to learn that I can't control anything but myself and my actions. Everything else just is what it is, and I have to let that be. And by control, I don't mean making others do what I want. I just get a good bit of stress when people don't do the things or react to things like I would.​

4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?

Being irresponsible is just not in my nature. By irresponsible, I mean that I'm incapable of doing things that I know will cause physical harm to myself or others. Like unsafe sex, and hard drugs. I'm also really hard on myself for not being more extroverted for some reason, like it makes me mad that I don't enjoy being around people more.​

b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?

As said above, being more extroverted. Being less anxious, in general, would also be nice.​

5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?

I can't think of being left by any friends, unless boyfriends that cheat count. In which case, I don't know. I never bothered to ask why. For me, though, I generally leave when I feel a sense of betrayal that we can't come back from. This recent friendship ended because of a cruel reaction they had to me not doing what they wanted because I was sick. And through that I had a lot of conversations with other friends, and family, about the nature of this friendship. Turns out, they were all very uncomfortable with said friendship, and I was eventually able to see the manipulative nature of this friend. I literally couldn't say no to someone without feeling sick to my stomach because how often this friend reacted badly to me saying no. Not fun.​

6. Which types do you identify with most?
a. How do you relate to these types?

I identify with 4 due to it's creative nature, and the ability to look deeply into one's self and emotions. Or well, I used to relate to the latter. But is wallowing really being able to look deeply? Probably not. Because anymore (and even as a child) I tend to preoccupy myself when I start to feel bad. Or I distract myself with other thoughts, which I believe is a 7 thing. As for the other types, I can relate to 1's nitpicking, 2's compassion, 3's love for aesthetics, 5's search for knowledge and detachment from others, 6's planning for every possible outcome, 8's tell it like it is attitude, and 9's dislike for conflict and confrontation.​

b. How do you NOT relate to them?

What I don't relate with? 1's self-criticizing and desire to be perfect, I'm human and therefore inherently flawed, perfection is a lie. 2's manipulative nature, I would never treat others the way I've been treated in the past. 3's desire to be the center of attention, while I can manage if I have to, I hate every minute of the spotlight. 4's desire to be special....I don't really care, I am who I am. 5's emotional detachment, I feel too much to ever fit that part of a 5. 6's fear of absolutely everything, I have anxiety but there's still a lot of stuff that it just.....is what it is? 7's outgoing nature, I love to do new things and go to new places and explore but I do it alone fairly often....also their indulgent nature, I might shop a little more than I should, but the more dangerous vices are not my thing. 8's aggressiveness, I can be bossy but if it ever came to a physical fight, I'd probably bail. 9's passiveness, while I dislike conflict and confrontation, I'm a little to "tell it like it is" to be a 9, I think.​

7. Which types are least like you?
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?

Probably 8 or 9, and maybe 1.​

b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?

I pretty much answered both of these questions in the prior one.​

8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?

One, that it will happen when it happens. I fully believe that there are some things in life that don't come your way until you're ready for it and the lesson it will teach you. Two, that there are many forms of love. Romantic love is not the end all and be all of love. You will find people who love you everywhere. Be it your friends, family, or pets.​

9. What is the message your superego tells you? Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).

I think I touched on this a little bit earlier. I'm pretty hard on myself for not being more extroverted, and for not enjoying spending more time around people. I always feel really awful after being around people for a while because it's gets really obvious when I need to get away from them. I get either quiet and closed off, or snippy and cranky. Joan (my inner critic) often tells me to suck it up. I also feel really bad when I say no to people I care about, like if they want to do something I really don't want to do, saying no is very hard. But I'm working on that.​

For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.

10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)

Lmao. How many times am I going to say being more extroverted and out-going. Maybe I'm projecting this desire and just wishing I were a 7.​

Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.

7- to be "okay", having it together
8- to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause
3- to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative
4- to be knowlegeable
6- to be powerful, strong, unassailable.
5- to be accomplished and successful
9- to strive to become/behave like a good person
2- to be a loveable person
1- to be loving and benevolent​

11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?

I mean, generally how I perceive events is pretty dramatic some of the times. Lots of things are inconvenient when they happen, especially if they're things I don't like. And they stress me out. If I go about this with how my parents treated me as a child, it's a little weird. I have an older sister who, at that age, was like a second guardian to me. And I definitely felt like I was abandoned by her. I was 7 when she got married and moved out, and while she babysat me a lot, she also babysat her niece, who got all of the attention. I was ignored and left alone a lot. My parents.....I guess ignored me a bit too? Well, my dad drank back then, so he was rarely around. But my mom didn't ignore me at all, we were super tight, and still are. She's my best friend, and she was back then too. We spent every friday night going out to dinner together and spending time with each other. .....I'm really not getting this question, to be honest.​

Here are some common "felt senses" of life:

Ah, I see. It's probably just easier to say which I relate to most:
- I must do everything to maintain my world
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and undeserving of attention
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
- People have wronged and messed with me
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
- I've had a sense of being rejectable​

12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.

Making myself vulnerable and then being taken advantage of. Of being stuck somewhere and being unhappy. I definitely consider myself as a bit commitment phobic, also scared of intimacy (emotional intimacy that is).​

Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:

- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious: Yeah, I have a hard time voicing my needs. Makes me kind of nauseous.
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved: Rejection isn't something that bothers me too much anymore, as I've gotten older. Either you like me or you don't.
- Weak and not being on top of things: Eh, not a fear.
- Failure: Also not a fear, failing at something isn't the end of the world.
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost: Probably tied to my having a hard time voicing my needs? I don't fear being lost, or sad. But I do fear abandonment.
- Entanglements and losing what I have: A little bit? Maybe? I'm learning to let go of attachments though, I think that's important.
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough: Not a fear. I am who I am.
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan: I don't get bored?
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.: Even as someone with anxiety, I don't relate. At all.​

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Okay! So, I don't fully expect anyone to read this or give their insight. I mostly filled this out to clear my head and sort out my thoughts. If you got this far and are wondering what those are, good question! Because I have no idea. Just as lost as ever. Lmao.

Thank you!

 

[j.c.t.]

Do you feel comfortable making a thread like this? Because that might say something about your type, you know.

 

[julesiscools]

Do you feel comfortable making a thread like this? Because that might say something about your type, you know.

Good insight! I suppose if I didn't feel comfortable making it, I wouldn't have.

 

[tired]

6w7?

just guessing

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

Check my standard disclaimer about online typing.

I'm not really getting 7 from this particular response (I'm the one that made the questionnaire), and I can elaborate if you want me to.

What do you think about being a 2? You mentioned a number of things that caught my eye... Also what do you think about 9? And I know you said you were thinking about other types, but I think 4 could still be an option--I didn't especially see anything 4ish in here, but worth noting that you do often test that way. Six isn't an awful suggestion, but I didn't really see anything that made me think "this person is definitely 6". You mentioned "anxiety" in many places, but it's possible to have a disorder or just be a physically nervous person, and it's not the same as having core 6 psychology. So I'd want to know more about that.

 

[julesiscools]

Check my standard disclaimer about online typing.

I'm not really getting 7 from this particular response (I'm the one that made the questionnaire), and I can elaborate if you want me to.

What do you think about being a 2? You mentioned a number of things that caught my eye... Also what do you think about 9? And I know you said you were thinking about other types, but I think 4 could still be an option--I didn't especially see anything 4ish in here, but worth noting that you do often test that way. Six isn't an awful suggestion, but I didn't really see anything that made me think "this person is definitely 6". You mentioned "anxiety" in many places, but it's possible to have a disorder or just be a physically nervous person, and it's not the same as having core 6 psychology. So I'd want to know more about that.

I did not realize this had gotten responses! Is anyone else not able to see their threads?

Anyway, since posting this I finally got my hands on The Road Back to You, which I'm not sure what anyone else's opinion of might be, but it really cleared up the motivations and behaviors behind each type (without portraying extreme stereotypes) for me. My issue with reading up on most types was not having tangible, everyday evidence. Celebrities don't count because they're often stereotypes, and extreme, and I just can't relate. I digress, reading this book hit spot on with it's chapter about 5. Which felt like reading a chapter about me, literally. My family read parts and jokingly asked if the author knew me and was writing with me in mind. And I definitely have a 4 wing, not a 6.

I'm still going through other material, because I would like to determine my tritype. The only type I know for sure isn't in my tritype is 3.

Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it. And if you'd like to clarify anything, or have me clarify anything, let me know!

 

[julesiscools]

Another one of my self-reflection/check-in re-taking questionnaire things. I'm definitely more unsure of my enneagram than anything else, and I'd like to see how my answers have changed.

*Old answers quoted.

Disclaimer: How are you doing? Are there any major life events/illnesses/other issues that might be influencing you? Did you write this in one sitting, or have you pondered these issues deeply? Give us a sense of "where you're at" right now.

Really well. Recently got promoted, dealt with a health scare (it's been sorted). Written in one sitting. I'm re-taking this on the basis that I was in a really unhealthy place the last time I did, roughly two years ago. And I think it's interesting to see how some answers have changed and some have not.​

(Note that some of these issues may be very personal, and if you'd prefer not to share, it's perfectly acceptable to skip questions.)
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0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?

Where I am mentally. I was really depressed and dealing with anxiety in the past, those things are mostly shadows of the past but there are rare moments where my anxiety rear it's ugly head but I'm able to cope with it now. I delved pretty deeply in the past into MBTI and Enneagram, but I will admit I'm a bit rusty.​

A few months ago, I walked away from a very unhealthy (toxic, manipulative, and codependent) friendship. One that had lasted about 13 years. Since then I've noticed a lot of changes within myself. Just generally feeling better and healthier and happier than I've been since, like, childhood. I've already done numerous tests, and a lot of reading. I'm planning on reading more too, since I've ordered a couple of books from the library. In the past, I regularly got the result of 4 (and said friend even continuously agreed, so much so that if I questioned it, she'd adamantly insist I was in fact a 4 and couldn't be anything else). Randomly, the other week I decided to test again out of boredom and got the result of 7. Which I've never, ever gotten before. EVER. So I read up on it, and while I still related to 4, I realized I've greatly noticed how much I have in common with the 7 description now that I'm out of this toxic friendship. That was long winded, sorry.

1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).

Generally content. I'm not ever bored, but I don't need to always be occupied with things. If anything I've noticed a sense of peace in myself that I'd not experience previously, even in the face of events where I would have felt out of control in the past.​

I'm usually doing something. If I'm not doing something, I'm overthinking. So I do something. Even if it's clean/organize. Or journal. Or read. Or watch tv/movies. I generally like to keep myself occupied anymore. I definitely DID NOT used to be like this. I used to wallow, a lot. In everything.

2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?

I'm not fully sure how to answer this. I feel like it's pretty normal to be me. If anything, I might overthink things and second guess myself more than I should. I think it's good to be me.​

I overthink everything, and I can spend a lot of time in my head. Hence the journaling, it helps me get it out without it consuming me. I daydream pretty often, especially about things I want to do, like traveling. Would that be more like planning than daydreaming? Either way, I like to think about the things I want to do, even if I don't always get to do them. I definitely worry a little too much about what others think of me, but I feel like everyone does that. And I try to be considerate of others, and what they're going through. Also, very easily anxious/nervous, but I do have anxiety.

b. What have others said about you?

I've had my younger coworkers call me "Mom" even though I'm not that much older than them, and I'm also not the oldest coworker they have. I've been told that even when things are awful, I find the good in it. In fact, I've been told that's one of my defining traits.​

The good? That I'm kind, considerate, and sweet. I've also had my intelligence compared to Hermione. The bad? Bossy, more than anything. Sometimes bitchy, but that's usually when I'm hangry.

c. What do you think of yourself?

I think that I can be impatient. I often get irritated when people keep me occupied when I have something else I should be doing or would rather be doing, though I do my best not to show it. I think that I try my best to be considerate of others, that I make it a point not to behave like I'm irritated because I know how awful it feels when someone makes you feel like they have better things to do than bother with you.​

I think that I'm human, and that any faults that I have aren't permanent. It's human nature to grow and change. I think that it's important to try to be the best version of yourself, not for others, but for you. Point is, I accept my faults and my strengths, and if I don't like anything about myself enough, I can change it.

3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.

Manipulative relationships, codependancy. I've noticed that these are lessons I have a hard time learning. The first would be a long friendship where I had a tendency to drop everything for them if they needed me, but the same was never reciprocated. They often made it a point to tell me awful things about their other friends to ensure that they remained my only friend, they hated any other friends that I had even if they had never met them. My most recent ex lied about something fairly big, and it ended our relationship. During our relationship - it was long distance - instead of actual conversations about who would move where, it was always when I moved there, that my cat would stay with my parents because he didn't like cats, and just a lot of him saying how things were going to be. Eventually I spoke up about the treatment, on top of the lying and ended things.​

Funnily enough, I've started to realize that I reoccurring theme in my life seems to be dealing with relationships with manipulative/toxic people. I've had some not so great boyfriends (and best friends). All of which I've had to realize with all of them that I needed to stop putting my worth in what I could give other people. Another theme seems to be control, or rather that I need to learn that I can't control anything but myself and my actions. Everything else just is what it is, and I have to let that be. And by control, I don't mean making others do what I want. I just get a good bit of stress when people don't do the things or react to things like I would.

4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?

Manipulation; I could never do or say something just to get what I want. It's not even a thought that crosses my mind to do. If I want something, I ask for it.​

Being irresponsible is just not in my nature. By irresponsible, I mean that I'm incapable of doing things that I know will cause physical harm to myself or others. Like unsafe sex, and hard drugs. I'm also really hard on myself for not being more extroverted for some reason, like it makes me mad that I don't enjoy being around people more.

b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?

I'd like to have more patience, in the aspect of dealing with people. I'd like to be more extroverted (sometimes), but I'm usually drained after too much time around people. I'd like to be braver, I generally don't speak my mind (unless I know you very well) because I'm worried of some kind of retaliation or humiliation from another person.​

As said above, being more extroverted. Being less anxious, in general, would also be nice.

5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?

I can't really think of a time when I've been left, I generally do the leaving. (I relate a lot to the lyric "You gotta leave before you get left.") But, when I do it's always because I've been taken advantage of in some way, and usually me figuring out that I'm being manipulated and/or lied to.​

I can't think of being left by any friends, unless boyfriends that cheat count. In which case, I don't know. I never bothered to ask why. For me, though, I generally leave when I feel a sense of betrayal that we can't come back from. This recent friendship ended because of a cruel reaction they had to me not doing what they wanted because I was sick. And through that I had a lot of conversations with other friends, and family, about the nature of this friendship. Turns out, they were all very uncomfortable with said friendship, and I was eventually able to see the manipulative nature of this friend. I literally couldn't say no to someone without feeling sick to my stomach because how often this friend reacted badly to me saying no. Not fun.

6. Which types do you identify with most?

In the past I've typed as 4, 5, and maybe 6.​

a. How do you relate to these types?

I related to 4's creative nature, and I have a tendency to be a bit melodramatic. I related to 5's desire to know before committing to doing something. I related to 6's desire for security and safety.​

I identify with 4 due to it's creative nature, and the ability to look deeply into one's self and emotions. Or well, I used to relate to the latter. But is wallowing really being able to look deeply? Probably not. Because anymore (and even as a child) I tend to preoccupy myself when I start to feel bad. Or I distract myself with other thoughts, which I believe is a 7 thing. As for the other types, I can relate to 1's nitpicking, 2's compassion, 3's love for aesthetics, 5's search for knowledge and detachment from others, 6's planning for every possible outcome, 8's tell it like it is attitude, and 9's dislike for conflict and confrontation.

b. How do you NOT relate to them?

I really could not care less about being "special" or "unique". I don't think I dive into knowing everything enough to really be a 5. And I'm not so concerned with security that I plan for every worse case scenario, I'm a little to "Eh, I'll wing it" for that.​

What I don't relate with? 1's self-criticizing and desire to be perfect, I'm human and therefore inherently flawed, perfection is a lie. 2's manipulative nature, I would never treat others the way I've been treated in the past. 3's desire to be the center of attention, while I can manage if I have to, I hate every minute of the spotlight. 4's desire to be special....I don't really care, I am who I am. 5's emotional detachment, I feel too much to ever fit that part of a 5. 6's fear of absolutely everything, I have anxiety but there's still a lot of stuff that it just.....is what it is? 7's outgoing nature, I love to do new things and go to new places and explore but I do it alone fairly often....also their indulgent nature, I might shop a little more than I should, but the more dangerous vices are not my thing. 8's aggressiveness, I can be bossy but if it ever came to a physical fight, I'd probably bail. 9's passiveness, while I dislike conflict and confrontation, I'm a little to "tell it like it is" to be a 9, I think.

7. Which types are least like you?

Maybe 8 and 3.​

a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?

I've never considered myself aggressive unless I'm pushed to a point where I absolutely have to be. And I really do not care about being the center of any kind of attention, or the need to feel important.​

Probably 8 or 9, and maybe 1.

b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?

I'll stand up if it's to defend someone else. I'm pretty protective in that sense. Are 3's melodramatic? I can be that way.​

I pretty much answered both of these questions in the prior one.

8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?

It would be nice, but I've also experience enough heartache that the idea of pursuing it is kind of terrifying, tbh. I'm so good at being alone that I'm not really sure that I'd know how to be with someone anymore.​

One, that it will happen when it happens. I fully believe that there are some things in life that don't come your way until you're ready for it and the lesson it will teach you. Two, that there are many forms of love. Romantic love is not the end all and be all of love. You will find people who love you everywhere. Be it your friends, family, or pets.

9. What is the message your superego tells you? Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).

Generally, it would have to be something along the lines of not being enough. Not pretty enough, or smart enough, or brave enough.​

I think I touched on this a little bit earlier. I'm pretty hard on myself for not being more extroverted, and for not enjoying spending more time around people. I always feel really awful after being around people for a while because it's gets really obvious when I need to get away from them. I get either quiet and closed off, or snippy and cranky. Joan (my inner critic) often tells me to suck it up. I also feel really bad when I say no to people I care about, like if they want to do something I really don't want to do, saying no is very hard. But I'm working on that.

For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.

10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)

Unselfish, I think I'm pretty good at this but I'm very aware of when I do selfish things, and if someone called me selfish I'd be really hurt. I also really hate it when my intelligence is challenged.​

Lmao. How many times am I going to say being more extroverted and out-going. Maybe I'm projecting this desire and just wishing I were a 7.

Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
1. To be knowledgable - My intelligence is a place of pride for me.
2. To be loving and benevolent - This goes with being unselfish, I want to be a caring and giving person.
3. To be powerful, strong, unassailable - If I'm strong enough, I can't be taken advantage of.
4. To be a loveable person - Doesn't everyone want this?
5. To be devoted and loyal to a person or cause - I'm loyal to fault, tbh.
6. To be accomplished and successful - This is relative though, everyone's definition is different.
7. To be "okay", having it together - This would have been higher in the past, but I'm there now.
8. To be sensitive, original, unique, and creative - Not a priority.
9. To strive to become/behave like a good person - I already am, there is no try.

11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?

I'm definitely a brave face kind of person. I've always done my best to not let others know if something effected me negatively. It's that Frozen song "Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know", lol. I definitely internally overreact though.​

I mean, generally how I perceive events is pretty dramatic some of the times. Lots of things are inconvenient when they happen, especially if they're things I don't like. And they stress me out. If I go about this with how my parents treated me as a child, it's a little weird. I have an older sister who, at that age, was like a second guardian to me. And I definitely felt like I was abandoned by her. I was 7 when she got married and moved out, and while she babysat me a lot, she also babysat her niece, who got all of the attention. I was ignored and left alone a lot. My parents.....I guess ignored me a bit too? Well, my dad drank back then, so he was rarely around. But my mom didn't ignore me at all, we were super tight, and still are. She's my best friend, and she was back then too. We spent every friday night going out to dinner together and spending time with each other. .....I'm really not getting this question, to be honest.

Here are some common "felt senses" of life: *Italics is what I relate to.

- I must do everything to maintain my world
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and underving of attention
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
- People have wronged and messed with me
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
- I've had a sense of being reject-able​

- I must do everything to maintain my world
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and undeserving of attention
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
- People have wronged and messed with me
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
- I've had a sense of being rejectable

12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.

I'd be mortified to be seen as weak, as being unable to protect or defend myself or those I love. I've been mortified to find I've been lied to and manipulated, that I've fallen for it again, that I let it happen again.​

Making myself vulnerable and then being taken advantage of. Of being stuck somewhere and being unhappy. I definitely consider myself as a bit commitment phobic, also scared of intimacy (emotional intimacy that is).

Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:

- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious: Not usually an issue, unless I think it will really be a burden.
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved: Makes me sick to my stomach to be seen as needy, I'm much more likely to push you away than to cling to you.
- Weak and not being on top of things: I generally always am, so I'm not all that afraid this. But I'd probably hate it if I weren't.
- Failure: I've failed so much that this is not an issue, lol. I'm very much at peace with this.
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost: I am very aware of my abandonment issues from my childhood, and feeling like I was ignored.
- Entanglements and losing what I have: Not a problem, there's always more.
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough: Ha, yeah. I think I mentioned this in the superego/ego.
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan: I don't really get bored.
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.: I'm not afraid of everything so, we're good here.​

- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious: Yeah, I have a hard time voicing my needs. Makes me kind of nauseous.
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved: Rejection isn't something that bothers me too much anymore, as I've gotten older. Either you like me or you don't.
- Weak and not being on top of things: Eh, not a fear.
- Failure: Also not a fear, failing at something isn't the end of the world.
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost: Probably tied to my having a hard time voicing my needs? I don't fear being lost, or sad. But I do fear abandonment.
- Entanglements and losing what I have: A little bit? Maybe? I'm learning to let go of attachments though, I think that's important.
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough: Not a fear. I am who I am.
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan: I don't get bored?
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.: Even as someone with anxiety, I don't relate. At all.

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And now, to post and compare my answers. If you've made it this far, and even bothered to read I am entirely grateful for you. If you have any insights you'd like to share, be my guest. But as stated before, this is kind of a running test/theory thing I'm working on myself.

I hope you enjoyed! (Is that weird to say? Oh well.)

 

[julesiscools]

Playing off of what I did last time to kind of compare answers and see how you change over time. It's been nearly a year since I did the last one, and I'm thinking there might be some changes, but I'm also pretty sure that there's a core of unchangeable things in here that will help really hit my actual type. It might work, if not, at least I was entertained?

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0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
Rereading a book on the Enneagram, granted it's the only book I've ever read so maybe I should expand my horizons? Anyway, reading through the type that I thought I was just didn't ring as true as I once thought it did.

Lots of tests, reading stuff online, some discussions, and the book. I'm definitely rusty though.

1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
Normal, I guess? (Which makes me thing of NormalBob, lol.) I generally don't feel any kind of extreme way. Probably just content, grounded, safe.

I've noticed that I don't do "nothing". I'm reading, or watching a movie, or writing in my journal, or on my computer. I tend to distract myself when I'm by myself to keep from overthinking about anything and everything.

2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
Pretty cool, I guess. I'm much more confident and sure of myself than I used to be. I wouldn't say I'm more ambitious, but I have goals for things I want to do, places I want to go. I'm alone a lot, but I'm not lonely.
b. What have others said about you?
The good: kind, considerate, happy, smart, funny, pretty. The bad: bitchy (especially when I need to eat), judgmental. I've also been told that I'm the friend someone goes to when they want a reality check, that I'm very "tell it like it is". My younger coworkers call me "Mom" which is hilarious because I'm not that much older than them.
c. What do you think of yourself?
That I'm better than I used to be. But I'm not as brave as I once was.

3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
Abandonment/commitment. I feel like they're tied together for me because my issue with relationships isn't necessarily that I'm afraid to commit because commitment scares me. I'm afraid that I'll be the only one to commit (like before), that they'll leave (like before).

Manipulation/codependency. This might tie into abandonment as well. I've been with people who probably saw the above issue clearly and used it to get me to stick around and do things that I wouldn't do in the right frame of mind. I've dealt with enough of the manipulation that I can spot it from a mile away now.

4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
Extroversion. I can fake it for a bit, but it's draining.
Irresponsibility. Just really uncomfortable for me to do things like buy stuff I can't afford, or do drugs, etc.
Is jock a personality trait? Because let me tell you, so not a vibe.
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
Extroversion. I'd like to be a little more impulsive, too. But sometimes I just can't bring myself to take that last minute invite to something because I was super looking forward to another plan I had already made (which is usually just going home and chilling, lol).

5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
Manipulation, drama, just not being a good/nice person. I don't like liars or people who will put words in my mouth when talking to others.

If I've had a friend leave me it was probably due to my distance (emotional and/or mental).

6. Which types do you identify with most?
Right now I'm stuck between 6, 7, 8 (very unlikely, but maybe?), and 9. But 5 is still possible.
a. How do you relate to these types?
For 6; I'm not fond of extremes, or unpredictable situations, and I'm pretty loyal. For 7, I avoid negative emotions big time to the point that I'll just don't do something because I know the feeling will suck, I love adventures and not having a set plan for said adventure, I "wing it" a lot, even at work. For 8, I tell it like it is, I don't beat around the bush. For 9, really hate conflict and that kind of ties into the avoiding negative emotions thing. For 5, I'm pretty emotionally distant, not gonna lie.
b. How do you NOT relate to them?
6. I don't plan every single thing, and I'm definitely not prepared for every worse case scenario. I'm not incredibly distrusting of people, in fact I'd go as far as to say that I trust most until I'm given reason not to.
7. Outgoing is not a word I'd use to describe myself. While I don't plan for everything, I'm not always super impulsive and flying by the seat of my pants.
8. Don't care about being in charge. Hate confrontation.
9. Miss me with that passive aggressive shit. I'll call you out on it. (I HATE IT SO MUCH.)
5. I share a lot about myself, lol. I read somewhere that 5's don't care much about their appearance, and I like clothes...more than I should.

7. Which types are least like you?
3, definitely.
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?
If I remember correctly, 3's like being the center of attention or in the spotlight. Like they're the tv and I'd rather be...not the wallpaper but like maybe a side table. Like you see it, you acknowledge it, and then you focus on the tv, lol.
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?
I guess some times I care what people think, but who doesn't

8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
As my coworker said, I need a notarized paper from God saying that "this is the one" for me to jump into that.

9. What is the message your superego tells you? Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
The times I've felt poorly about myself I ended up having issues with being conventionally successful, like the kind of job, car, relationship I have at any given time in my life. Like you're this old, this is what you should have accomplished, why haven't you accomplished it yet?

For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.

10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
I want to be perceived as good, good in the sense of I've got everything together, life is sorted, I'm a responsible adult who can afford to do responsible adult things. But I don't think I'd feel insulted if someone said I wasn't? Like it's not my probably you think I'm not, but like also have yet to come across someone that says I'm not, lol

Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
1 - to be "okay", having it together (self explanatory, I wanna be comfy)
8 - to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause (eh, this backfires usually)
9 - to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative (special little snowflake syndrome, I outgrew it)
2 - to be knowledgeable (I like being smart)
4 - to be powerful, strong, unassailable (I'd like to be braver)
6 - to be accomplished and successful (relative, everyone had a different ideal)
7 - to strive to become/behave like a good person (I am a good person)
3 - to be a loveable person (who doesn't want to be loved?)
5 - to be loving and benevolent (I could probably do better tbh)

11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
I overreact, for sure. I always have. But the perks of this is that I usually get over it pretty quickly, too. Burn it off. But what is life without a little melodrama? Boring, that's what. (Yes, sometimes I overreact for the sheer humor of it.)

Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
- I must do everything to maintain my world
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and undeserving of attention
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed (I don't relate to the flawed part)
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
- People have wronged and messed with me
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
- I've had a sense of being reject-able

12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
I tried to think of something other than abandonment, of being forgotten or left behind. But that's kind of it.

Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious: Maybe a little bit, but I think that comes more from relationship trauma when I was older. I don't have this probably around people I know well and trust.
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved: It sucks, but like I'll live.
- Weak and not being on top of things: I feel like this person wouldn't be able to ask for help and I don't have that problem.
- Failure: Part of life.
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost: Literally the biggest, probably how I got into manipulative relationships in the first place.
- Entanglements and losing what I have: I've let go of enough stuff to know there's more further down the road.
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough: I mean, everyone has something wrong with them? But I'm totally enough.
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan: Dude, like grunt/busy work is the best. Shuts the brain off.
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.: I'm to old for that, lol.

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I'm not going to look back on these tonight to compare. But I already know where some of my similarities are because I vaguely remember answering them the same way even though I tried to think of something new, lol. Some things just are, I guess.