I feel like being a combo consisting of high Ne and Fi, a 7w6, and being So dominant, can feel like a constant push and pull of maintaining an autonomy and being absolutely free to do as I please and think, but then coming back to relish the insight people have to share, the nuances and mental “high†social systems and gatherings can provide. I don’t solely need that stimulation as I also find a stimulation, albeit a different sort, from being alone and wandering solo on my own adventures.
In some ways, the two realms can coexist, but other times, they butt heads like rams during mating season. There are many subtle and relatively small inner conflicts that can occur when the two realms argue, but the biggest contradiction that stands out to me most prominently, must be the fact that social structure, the whole social “dance†(this is in hyperdrive at work and in smaller communities like this forum where it’s more obvious to see), people bending over backwards to appease others, people lying through their teeth to save face, people mending relationships as mediators, people doing good to serve more selfish purposes, and people doing good for more genuinely good motives...all of that is wildly obvious to me as I feel like I live within this abstract reality we call “perceptionâ€, and there is a balance to it, like a spider web. If something gets caught in it, the vibrations are felt, though, I don’t “see†or sense this exactly like a spiderweb, under tension, but more like ripples in a pond caused by not one or two sources, but many.
Everyone causes their own ripples, the supposed “good†and “bad†people (I personally don’t tend to classify people as such, they’re just human), and those ripples fan out, and butt up and mingle with the ripples from other sources. The contained body of water, the system I see in front of me, is in constant motion.
The beauty and darkness to seeing such things around me, is I am left with many opportunities to weave through and navigate fairly cleanly if I wanted to get exactly what I wanted, without any regard to those around me, but, I also maintain my position and ferry my movements based on values that I’ve learned and molded over the years by treading these waters for so long, being rocked and swayed left and right, by good people and bad. If I didn’t maintain these inner values and hold true to them, if I manipulated my way through these social systems to obtain my goals in the most efficient and of least resistance, then what sort of meaning would my life then hold? So what if I got what I want?
So, it might appear like I know exactly how to wade these waters while maintaining my integrity and such, but the tension comes with that cliche of devil and angel atop my shoulders, and trying to find that balance between doing what I need to, to achieve my goals, and what my responsibility is, as a fellow being on this planet to respect the boundaries and lives of those I encounter, and to not cause, or to limit undue harm or duress onto others.
