ISFP 4w5 9w1 6w5, and am opening up to the idea of being a social 4, which would heavily conflict with my enneagram type. Also to a lesser extent open to 4w3, but a heavily introverted and emotionally closed off variety than the typical. Basically whatever the conflicting nature of someone who is overly withdrawn and in their head most of the time while trying to strive hard for their dreams as well as pushing themselves to open up more than usual through their own self-expression -- whatever the hell that is.
The social instinct doesn't make me "on and off" when it comes to socializing, but instead possibly a little more withdrawn than the other subtypes. There is a phobic 6 nature to this subtype and it's something I saw in myself even as a young girl. Essentially 4w5 (or a heavy introverted type 4 in general) with the social instinct plays as an inner longing to engage with the outside world through a more public lens, but my natural state almost always lures me into my comfort zone of fantasizing about it instead, mostly due to my own self-perception of being an alienated freak of nature in addition to avoiding the possibility of being ruthlessly rejected. I'm trying to combat this by putting myself out there a little more now though because I know it's something I'm going to have to do eventually. Overall, I am highly uncomfortable being in the spotlight and normally shun it in reality, but deep down I idealize the prospect of it. One of my life goals is to become fully integrated in an artistic community too. It's something I currently lack, and it would be nice to be among other like-minded individuals to an extent as well.
Another thing about me being a type 4 is that I'm extremely idealistic and more future-oriented than average for an Se user. I am more introverted than other ISFPs too since I mostly use my Se in a behind the scenes fashion than through a public setting, so in that way for me it is also more personalized as opposed to something I'd openly engage in. Additionally, in a similar vein to the sx subtype, there's an underlying competitive streak with social 4s due to feelings of inadequacy. However, it's not usually through some deep rooted, seething force that's concentrated on a single entitity like with sx 4s, but rather more discreet and aimed toward a larger cause. In this way, social 4s (in particular 4w5s) can also appear similar to 4w3s. The difference is that 4w3s can "fake it until they make it" by easily shifting to a more extroverted public persona since they are supposedly less reclusive and contemplative than those with the 5 wing. For this reason I am often stuck in my head daydreaming and looking inward, peeling away the layers in order to get to the bottom of the core in a Fi-Ni fashion.
All in all, it's not enough for me to just keep fantasizing about certain ideals, but now I actually want to make them happen, especially after having found my true calling in life. Therefore getting more in tune with the 4w3 side of the spectrum (or perhaps it's integration to 1?) is something I'm trying to ease my way into. And I will persevere until I get there too regardless of my fears because I'm stubborn as hell and hungrier than an emaciated lion. It's something I am deeply passionate about, so I'm going to have to find a way to get through this conflicting tug-o-war in the end somehow.
