[Traditional Enneagram] Ennegram type

[Kaiser]

A member on this forum told me It was likely I was a 3w4. At first, it made sense; ambitious, huge goals and a little bit reserved. I want to make something of myself and dont want to feel worthless. Finally, something that I can relate to.
But they seem to be obsessed with their image. I can be kinda sloppy with how I dress, all my clothes don't fit perfect, I don't try to please others and fit their needs. I can be kind and charming, but that's something that everyone is capable off. And i dont really care that much what other think of me, except for those very close to me.
I have a lot of anger inside of me. Some time ago when I was in a dark place, I would literally seek conflict. Now I don't, but I'm not afraid to say when I don't agree or when something is done wrong. I'm physically weak so I'd easily get my ass kicked, but I'm not afraid of pain so I can confront people rather aggressively sometimes.
All these traits that I have make it pretty difficult to maintain a relationship with my depressed girlfriend, as you can imagine.
But what do I know? Maybe I am a 3 and just don't know enough about it. That's why I'm starting this thread, and I would appreciate it if someone could help me identify my ennegram type!

 

[Morpeko]

I identify as a 3w4, so hopefully I can be of help. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I am definitely ambitious and a bit reserved with a big fear of being considered worthless. Being able to strongly relate to the core fear of worthlessness means that 3 is a big possibility as your core type.

I don't think that it's a necessity for 3s to be preoccupied with their clothing. I'm not always neat nor do I think I'm particularly "in fashion," I probably look stereotypically more like a 4 than a 3. I don't find that looking perfect is important for me to achieve success so I focus on other things.

Trying to "please others and fit their needs" I would say is more of a compliant triad thing (1, 2, 6) instead of 3 which is in the assertive triad. 3s sometimes please others to fit their own needs toward achievement. I've met quite a few independent 3s though who don't really bother or need to please others to get what they want.

I've read stuff about self-preservation 3s caring less about what others think of them than social/sexual 3s, and instead focusing on impressing a few select people, like those they trust and admire most. Maybe you're an sp dom?

I have a lot of anger inside of me. Some time ago when I was in a dark place, I would literally seek conflict. Now I don't, but I'm not afraid to say when I don't agree or when something is done wrong. I'm physically weak so I'd easily get my ass kicked, but I'm not afraid of pain so I can confront people rather aggressively sometimes.

This, however, I do not personally relate to. I actually think that a lot of my 3 kicks in: As much as I want to point out when people do something wrong, I know that I am physically weak and would probably get my ass kicked which would ruin my image, so I don't confront unless I find it very very important.

The gut triad (8, 9, 1) focuses more on anger so you should probably look more into that if it's a big issue of yours, mostly type 8. Sometimes 8s mistype as 3s so it's a possibility as well.