[Traditional Enneagram] How comfortable are you with self-revelation?

[Typh0n]

I'm seriously wondering how being comfortable with self-revelation correlates to enneatype.

I know fours are comfortable with it to levels I never could be...I know threes, fives and eights are not comfortable with it, but for different reasons. I'm wondering about the other types too.

So tell me, how comfortable are you with self-revelation? And what is your enneagram? By self-revelation I mean reveleaving personal, heartfelt, things about yourself to other people, especially publically. I suspect types who are more at ease with this will answer in more depth...thats good, I like detailed answers, but just giving me a shorter, less revealing answer is fine too.

There no itent to judge people here, I just wanna gain deeper insight into how comfort with self-revelation correlates to enneagram.

 

[CitizenErased]

I'm 5w4 sp/sx, and I tend not to reveal personal experiences unless I'm comfortable sharing with a person I know I can trust. I tend to chat about trivialities until I get to know the person well. Then I may share experiences that happened to me, but most of the times I skip important details and definitely avoid talking about emotions. To be honest, I sometimes prefer forums or people I don't know because of anonymity. I don't know them so I don't care about them nad vice versa. It would hurt if I told someone I care about something that is important to me and said person didn't understand me and my convoluted feelings/ideas (probably snarled thoughts guided by lots of personal rules that I do not wish to reveal where they come from).

In real life I don't even say out loud I prefer object A over B of a shop window. For some reason, it's like I am the only thing I own and I only want to share myself with people who deserve it (in the sense that they'll value my act of sharing, which can be normal for others, but it's a big effort for me).

 

[Hawthorne]

Supremely.

 

[Lady_X]

i can be very revealing and raw when i decide the person is worth it or maybe the moment is worth it. or maybe it has some benefit that has nothing to do with me but i wouldn't say that's something about me everyone would know. i may decide to be very private with some and they'd call me aloof or perhaps never feel they know me well at all. so...take from that what you will. i don't know how else to answer the question. my tritype is 972 if that matters.

 

[fetus]

I'm seriously wondering how being comfortable with self-revelation correlates to enneatype.

I know fours are comfortable with it to levels I never could be...I know threes, fives and eights are not comfortable with it, but for different reasons. I'm wondering about the other types too.

So tell me, how comfortable are you with self-revelation? And what is your enneagram? By self-revelation I mean reveleaving personal, heartfelt, things about yourself to other people, especially publically. I suspect types who are more at ease with this will answer in more depth...thats good, I like detailed answers, but just giving me a shorter, less revealing answer is fine too.

There no itent to judge people here, I just wanna gain deeper insight into how comfort with self-revelation correlates to enneagram.

I'm a 6w7, and I'm very comfortable with it. It's cathartic for me. It helps me live. I'm not necessarily comfortable crying in front of people I don't know and trust, but if it's just sharing my personal experience, I'm generally totally okay.

I'm too brain-dead to really dig deep and think about it right this moment, so this is all I've got.

 

[ceecee]

I can be occasionally but normally not very. It's very clear in the e8 description as to why.

 

[Typh0n]

Interesting responses so far!
[MENTION=23915]Hawthorne[/MENTION] It says you are a 5w4...how do you understand the way fives are described as being uncomfortable with self-revealing? Or is that not something you relate to in the five descriptions? etc

 

[Lady Lazarus]

You only need ask.

 

[Forever]

#four-partysquad

 

[Lillita]

Combination of both; can be fairly open-book but also having a desire to keep things private due to a paranoia that sharing personal information leaves you vulnerable/that information may be used against you later.

 

[Yama]

I'm fine with sharing some pretty personal things but god forbid someone tries to talk to me about it face to face
nope nope nope
over text/im or nothing
And if someone tries to later bring it up to me again in person I get out of there asap

 

[Virtual ghost]

I can say that my own mother says that she doesn't know me that well and she probably knows me less well than she realizes. In real life I am quite likely to come as completely untransparent, especially since it does not often occur to me that I should share something private. Instead I talk about some plans, technology or something like this and it was said to me that this is intimidating.


For all of this I blame my Solution master tritype (combination of 8, 3 and 5) that is even defined as completely emotionally untransparent. I have even tried to explore enneagram more in order to find a way that I am mistyped, in order to change into something softer. However I seem to be this combination and the best way to deal with it is to engage life and what happens with self-revelation happens, just thinking about it is not going to change anything. However my sense of emotional separation from others is quite strong, this is parhaps the main reason why I was typed as INTJ. Since I got alienated and basically depressed.

The 835 is the ambitious, tenacious, opinionated, tough minded, hard nosed, foundation building, mental giant that is in denial of and minimizing of their more tender emotions.

835, 358, 538

If you are a 358, you are ambitious, knowledgeable and protective. You want to be efficient, wise and straight-forward. Tough-minded, you are good at studying a problem and finding both original and practical solutions others miss. Highly tenacious, you work tirelessly until you find solutions and prevail against adversity.

Your life mission is to use your cleverness and astute powers of observation to serve the greater good. A true problem solver, you are happiest when you can evaluate what is needed and take action to create change.

You can be so focused on your goals and ideas that you become an opinionated, hardnosed thinker that are in denial of your feelings. You can feel so vulnerable that you refuse to let in the importance and wisdom of your painful emotions.

835: Focused and knowledgeable 8. Most scholarly 8, especially if introverted. Most impersonal 8, especially if self-preserving.

835. Low sensitivity? Yeah. I don't pick up on interpersonal subtleties well or acknowledge soft emotions in others, esp. at work. I need to see clear expressions of hurt to know that I'm being too forceful. And by then, I've already run the person down.

The 835, 358 and 538 tritypes struggle with sensitivity the most

Just don't ask me about my feelings and I am fine.

 

[EJCC]

Not at all. Never have been.

The forum is different because it feels like journaling. That's the only way I can let myself do it.

The only RL exception to the general rule is if I can frame the "self revelation" in mentorship terms. That is, if it is the best possible response to a person in need, who is going through something similar.

 

[Tilt]

I used to be terrified of revealing anything about myself to anyone... even telling people about my weekend plans felt too personal to me. 3w4/5w6/9w8 sp/sx.

I reveal A LOT MORE on the forum than I do in real life.

 

[Galena]

Any barrier to self-revelation I have is learned from experience or an obvious fact - like, you will take time and energy from people you love if you go on about yourself, boundaries are necessary or you'll lose credibility at work, that kind of person will use it to humiliate you.

Underneath that, I don't truly feel any natural discomfort, selectivity, or sense of self-preservation when it comes to this. No innate aversion to any degree of vulnerability. I have developed some fear of it, but didn't start out with any. While I took pride in this as a child and longed for an ideal place where it would be acceptable, I now see the problems it caused, am hard-pressed to see any advantage to it, and much dislike the trait in myself. I do not believe it is type related.

The things that will teach you limits are plentiful, and once you want to learn, you will learn fast. I have learned how to behave around my personal content for my own and others' sake, and may actually be too rigid about it now, but also have memories of how I learned and awareness of what's being kept in check.

 

[á´…eparted]

EDIT: Oops, I should have read the OP more closely. To me self-revalation is revealing internal things you haven't discovered or hid to yourself. Sort of like internally admitting you're gay when you have identified as straight for many years. I am immensely comfortable with that sort of thing. With respect to revealing things to others? I am also very comfortable with it. I'm actually rather bad at keeping those things to myself, because they'll eat at me until I spit them out. I'm pretty rediculously candid. Always have been. So ultimately my post stands.

I'm a 1w2, and in contrast with @EJCC I am immensely comfortable with self-revalation, but I think in my case it has to do with two reasons. 1. Being an ENFJ, and 2. Being raised by an INFJ 9w8 mother who practically BATHES in self-revalation (to the point of ludicrousy and error).

From an early age as far back as I can remember, I was trained to reflect, be thoughtful, and consider the larger big picture in life, and what makes me tick. Most importantly, uncover what is hidden within the self. A lot of this was innate mind you, but my mother cultivated it a lot. I saw her as the paragon of good and light and wanted to be like her (though not consciously), and she was constantly having self-revalations about who she is, what she wants, and what's happening around her. She had some major life turning ones while I was growing up as well, and would often give me the details. How to mirror that mental task felt pretty natural to me, and I suspect even if I were raised more heavily by my ESTJ 1w2 father (who did not like nor respect my mother propencity to self-revalate. They also divorced when I was 3), I still would have done it. I honestly think a lot of it is genetic. There is a line on my mother side (the Hardester line) where nearly everyone is a "thinker and reflector" often to personal detriment/pathology.

I also had self-motivation to do it as well when I was young. If I learned something new, what was my response? Tell the world! I'm very extroverted, and have always been extremely talkative, so new tidbits needed to be told to someone. This included self-revelations. I enjoyed sharing them because these were things never known, and I found something fascinating in figuring stuff about myself, and having realized things about myself and things around me that I never considered before. It made me feel smart (partly because I learned that this was an uncommon skill or people feared it), and could potentially lead to interesting discussions or help others. As such I have really no issues with sharing them with others. In fact, I am actively compelled to share them. It helps me process and understand them. More often than not I have to tell myself not to share them.

To date, the only self-revalation I have ever had that was truly jarring was having the self-revalation that I actually didn't believe my former spiritual beliefs, and that I had to become atheist. Those things were a large portion of my foundation, and realizing that my thinking was in direct opposition to those beliefs and values was painful. Though the most painful aspect were the real world implications. Outside of that though, I've sort of learned that self-revalations can't do harm by themselves, and often things can be done to help integrate them with ease. I also find great utility in it towards understanding myself, and improving who I am. If pain comes with it, it's pain I am willing to deal with.

 

[Showbread]

I'm a 3 and I'm actually incredibly comfortable with it. I'm not sure why OP thinks we wouldn't be. 3's like to jump at any opportunity to relate to others/portray ourselves a certain way.

I will add that I've been told I'm a very healthy/self-aware 3. However, I think health needs to be taken into consideration before making any sort of statement about things a certain type are comfortable with/good at.

 

[Galena]

I'm a 3 and I'm actually incredibly comfortable with it. I'm not sure why OP thinks we wouldn't be. 3's like to jump at any opportunity to relate to others/portray ourselves a certain way.

I will add that I've been told I'm a very healthy/self-aware 3. However, I think health needs to be taken into consideration before making any sort of statement about things a certain type are comfortable with/good at.

That is a really good point. I'm sure that a large part of the reason why self-revealing attracted largely negative attention when I was younger was because it was a rather unhealthy landscape I was exposing. If it hadn't been as dark, things would very likely have been different.

There could be some good to come of being disposed that way, but guided by more wisdom that comes with time and work, and that nobody has when they're kids. For one thing, confidence in my ability to handle what comes of the exposed truth, because it's the truth and I've just got to. But what feels like truth has got to actually be truth. In unhealthy states, what is real revelation and what feels like it can be very far removed from one another.

 

[ceecee]

I can say that my own mother says that she doesn't know me that well and she probably knows me less well than she realizes. In real life I am quite likely to come as completely untransparent, especially since it does not often occur to me that I should share something private. Instead I talk about some plans, technology or something like this and it was said to me that this is intimidating.


For all of this I blame my Solution master tritype (combination of 8, 3 and 5) that is even defined as completely emotionally untransparent. I have even tried to explore enneagram more in order to find a way that I am mistyped, in order to change into something softer. However I seem to be this combination and the best way to deal with it is to engage life and what happens with self-revelation happens, just thinking about it is not going to change anything. However my sense of emotional separation from others is quite strong, this is parhaps the main reason why I was typed as INTJ. Since I got alienated and basically depressed.







Just don't ask me about my feelings and I am fine.

I've never really looked into tritype, maybe 835. It sounds familiar but it could be another combo. The best way I have found at explaining expressing feelings is - *I* don't even understand them just yet. How am I suppose to explain them to you FFS? Most people accept this.

 

[Typh0n]

Ok, thanks for all the responses everyone. I have read them all - [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION] I simply read somewhere that 3s would not be comfortable with it, idr where though. I think it was in the ennegaram made easy it also said that threes don't like talking about their private lives, though I guess thats not the same thing as self-revelation, it is kinda related.