I am not sure if I am a 9 (and maybe I misunderstand you, Kasper), but yes. Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes.... YES. *sips tea* I could not relate to the "overloading themselves with activities and tasks they are doing for strangers/people" part.
I know that I ignore people, all together, no matter who you are. No matter how lovely you are. Of course, you can come up to me and I will talk to you/help you with homework/go to the mall with you... but only if YOU ask little ole' me.
I also want to avoid feeling like I won't be able to get what I want from a relationship/connection with people. So if I avoid the connection all together, then I do not have to worry because I never had it in the first place.
Mmmyup.
I get what Highlander means with the comment, it's about access, if you're in my space and you want something and it doesn't put me out then I'll go above and beyond as I enjoy helping people and I can be somewhat indiscriminate about that as I presume good intention from people in the absence of reason to think otherwise, but as someone mentioned earlier the giving others what they need can build resentment over time, it does has to be convenient for me.
9s in general are very good at reading people, we have to be because we need to know how to stop conflict before it comes, it's part of the 9 deal; we can easily understand others and the cost is giving up our own needs. We have a tendency to want others to treat us the way we treat people, which seems to be an unfair expectation because people don't have the same focus as us or see what we need without our stating, so we get resentful as we notice that we are giving them what they need and they aren't intuiting what we want in return to take care of our needs, and it starts to feel like we are always giving and being stretched too thin. Of course the issue is we never state this so people do not know. Hence the comment that getting away from people is a way to escape this feeling without always feeling like I need to be asserting myself, which feels invasive to me.
9s typically aren't the type to go over the top (or more specifically; out of their way) to placidate and assist others, we are more non-committal than that, helping others isn't our aim, it's attempting to give people what they want from us so we can be accepted.
I think the part you crossed out is more related to IxFJ. Maybe I'm venting...
Very much agree with bolded part.
I can see how others may get that view from 9s, only we just don't care enough, we aren't invested enough, and it's to our detriment much of the time when it comes to building strong bonds. When someone comes along that I click with I really try, however I really do need them to keep putting out the signals that they want me around (without being demanding) or I'll back off and question if they want me for me as opposed to how I can help them feel. I don't think 9s are the most confident type when it comes to interpersonal relationships. People like me, I've no doubt, but I don't expect them to care that much, and that's the sticking point, I deal with that by withdrawing. It's like a test that most will fail. So in 9 style, I don't invest in most people, I keep myself prepared for them to be uninterested.